I do not swim in the ocean. This is not because I hate the beach. I mean, I do hate the beach but that hatred has nothing to do with why I don’t swim in the Atlantic or Pacific. I don’t swim in those bodies of water because sharks live in the ocean and sharks eat people.

My fear of being eaten alive by sharks has become so irrational that I cannot swim in a pool alone without thinking of being thrashed about. Of course, the obvious starting point for this fear is Jaws. But lots of people have seen Jaws and can swim in the ocean just fine. For me, the real cause of of my phobia is Discovery’s Shark Week.

I’ve been watching this week long event since I was 14. My parents originally thought that watching the “edutainment” would lead me to realize that my chances are getting attacked and killed by a shark are less then dying in a car accident. To that, I submit two responses…

1)Hah! Propaganda spread by the shark-controlled media.
2) Regardless of chance, I would rather not swim in the ocean then EVER be that .5%.

You think Shark Week is trying to educate you on how misunderstood Sharks are, but if you read between the lines, you will see the truth. Here is a breakdown of one day’s (literally, Monday the 28^th) worth of Shark Week shows.

Sharkbite: Surviving Great Whites

People share stories on how they got pieces of themselves eaten by sharks. Title suggests you can survive an attack. The truth? Sharks let these people go to lure you into the water. Read More »

As we approach August, we may have started to take summer vacay for granted. In the dog days of summer, it’s easy to sleep until 2 p.m., get caught up on Maury, and not realize we still have our PJs on until it’s time to go back to bed. But with the countdown to Fall Semester ticking fast, it’s important to make the most of every spare minute. Whether you’re working your ass off or dedicated to being a lazy bum until a full courseload kicks back in, it’s time to get in gear and create some glorious summer memories.

1. Take a roadtrip. Sure, gas prices are skyrocketing, but you’re only young once, right? And once you’re shackled into a nine-to-five, you’re going to crave the spontaneity that’s currently yours for the taking. I’m a self-professed workaholic, but even I’ve been known to squeeze in a few quality roadtrips between May and August each year. One summer, I took a fourteen-hour drive to Ohio with two girls from work I barely knew, for the birthday party of one of my brother’s grad school friends. And no, my brother didn’t go. So, three random girls showed up at a party in the boondocks (aka Wooster), and promptly put on our party shoes. Liquor flowed, regrettable hook-ups were had, and the girls and I totally bonded over the experience. Even if you can only spare one day, find a town you’ve never been to before, and head out to explore. You never know what adventures might arise. Read More »

Ben and Jen: Super Fertile.

Too cloudy to go to the beach? Add these 80’s classics to your Netflix queue.

Exclusive look at the crazy new script from Tarantino. Awww yeah!

Nothing ruins a day at the beach quite like a shark. And I really needed a tan!

The new iPhone is out. We are not too happy about it, but what do the critics say?

Teen pregnancy on the up and up for the first time in over a decade. Could this be Juno’s doing?

Also on the rise, Wal-Mart stores. They. Are. Everywhere.

As if TV couldn’t get any worse - Nicole Richie gets another show.

2 words that should never go together: orgasmic and childbirth. Yes, there is a video.

Maybe this will inspire you to recycle. Think of the dolphins, people!

Gender equality on the road at last! Well, at least on the signs. Baby steps, ladies; baby steps.

I blame Carrie Bradshaw for this

I never thought I’d say this: I feel bad for Brooke Hogan

Rev Jesse Jackson has got a few words for Obama–and they ain’t pretty!

And another Jackson just ain’t pretty at all

Similarly, Bridgette Nielson wants to get back into Playboy

Iron Man’s new role: Sherlock Holmes

You’re suppoed to take long walks–not romps–on the beach

6th grade Orchestra Camp has never looked so good

Finally, reality TV gets real: Dating on Demand

I now dub today: National Guido Appreciation Day

Yeah.  This is really going to help us grow closer as a Nation

Michael Jackson…and his kids…do weird sh*t

I did the most daring thing today. I purchased my very first bikini since I was 6. For many of you, this sounds like nothing worth merit; but for me it means a lot.

I’ve always been The Fat Kid who was constantly teased because my thighs were bigger than everyone else’s.

Even after puberty blessed me with hips and boobs to help evenly distribute my weight (thank you, puberty!), my big girl classification never left. In fact, it still dangles over my head as a constant reminder that I’ll never be small. I still never feel 100% comfortable in anything I wear and - despite having several flings and one serious boyfriend - the thought of talking to a guy makes my throat close up and my heart beat like crazy.

Instead of obssesing over my weight, I recently decided to learn to live with my curves and stop cursing them (even though I would like to change some things about my body for health reasons). While putting away clothes at my job at a retail giant I came across a gorgeous solid indigo bikini with with crystal accents. I couldn’t put it down. I just had. to. have. it.

So, I did. Read More »

Ah, summer time. Three whole months of no classes, no homework and no outstanding commitments. What is a girl (or a handsome boy) to do? There’s the inevitable catching up with your girlfriends, shopping trips and family obligation time… but every gal (and lad!) should find themselves a little summer romance.

From my personal experiences, summer flings can be quite delightful; you get to have three months of non-committed fun, living for the moment.

I spent three months one summer at the beach, where I met a cute, surfer boy who took me to every beach bonfire there was. During the days, we hung out on the beach, basking in the sun and getting to know each other – to a limited extent, as we both acknowledged what would happen at the end of August – and at night we spent time laughing, dancing and enjoying the moment, with an occasional make out or two. Wink. Wink. Read More »

I took a little trip last week to visit some friends, where I crossed paths with a gorgeous boy I met the last time I was out there. We were at a pool party for which I had carefully dressed myself knowing that I’d, invariably, be meeting a whole lot of people I had never met before. I looked cute and I knew it, but I still had to fight a huge smile when he told me I looked cute. And just like that, I knew we were gonna be lovers.

So, 1 Sparks, 3 Stellas, 2 Jello shots, and 3 Jager shots later, Brent and I were having the most mind-blowing sex of my whole life. In the afternoon. His sheets smelled good and he had pictures of his family on his wall and his body (every last bit of it) was PERFECT. It was wild and hot and ridiculous and straight out of my fantasies.

Then I took a nap.

I woke up and Brent was having some friends over for a BBQ. He came into the room and closed the door behind him and smiled at me. (And this boy has dimples, so when he smiles, it’s like cute little daggers made of bunnies and rainbows are shooting through my heart.) He, dressed, came and laid down to me, naked, on the bed. Read More »

As soon as summer announces itself with its warm winds and bright, shiny mornings, I want to lay out and bake in the sun. Nothing feels quite like floating in a pool - book in one hand, ice cold beverage in the other - absorbing those delicious rays. And nothing looks quite as good with almost every article of summer clothing than some nice, tan legs.

I am fully aware that skin cancer is scary business and not worth the fake-baking/laying out for hours on end. I also have a pretty healthy fear of getting wrinkley in the future, so, to protect myself, I wear my sunscreen. But I recently realized that maybe sunscreen wasn’t enough, and getting my glow a different way may be a better option.

I started investigating.

My former roommate loved sprays, but I personally don’t trust myself with them. I am mildly OCD and need a lotion to ensure I’m not missing anything. I went on a quest to find the perfect lotion and came across a new product: Jergens Natural Glow Express. It looked just like the rest, except that it claimedto show results in 3 days. Conveniently, I was heading on vacation in 3 days, so I grabbed it. Read More »