Paris Hilton has a new fragrance that’s called Fairy Dust (note: it is not white, and you cannot snort it), and supposedly, one little spritz smells like:

“…top notes of sparkling Prosecco accord, orange blossom, and pink peony. The middle notes will consist of spring gardenia, water lilly, and peach nectar, and the blend will finish off with bottom notes of cashmere musk, sueded patchouli, and vanilla cream“.

Now, we thought P. Hilton’s new scent was going to smell more like sweat, tanning lotion, and tepid fame, but water lilies and sueded patchouli it is.   What about you?  If you could guess, what would you guess Fairy Dust would smell like?

So I know I haven’t written in like forever, but it’s time for me to tell you that me and Benji broke up. I totally thought that me and him would last - like I didn’t think that he’d mind that I had another boyfriend.

But whatever, I’m so over Benji and I am totally hearting Chris now. Nicole can KEEP Benji all to herself now.

My new boyfriend like OWNS MySpace so he can help me redo my page so that way if I wanted to really run for President, he’d make it so that the whole country can vote on my page instead of having to go to those polls. Those are probably like really far and out of the way for everyone. But whatever, the election is like next year so that’s plenty of time. I bet we’ll be married by then!!

I don’t normally like to get so serious - but Blackberry, I’m lonely. Like sure I have sex with any guy who gives me the *look* but I don’t have any girls to call to tell them about my sex or if it burns when I pee. LA is too full of jealous girls whose boobs are bigger than mine so I decided that I’m going to go to London to find my new best friend. I think that it’s in France so that means that we can shop there together and everything. Read More »

While you were up way past your bedtime watching Michael Phelps dominate the pool in Beijing, you probably missed out on some serious stuff happening back here in the states.

Like the fact that Hollywood is breaking apart at the seams.

Seriously, everyone is heading to break-up city! Even the rock solid couples…

Like Paris and Benji! Say it ain’t so! I thought this was the real thing. I thought this was forever. I guess “forever” in Paris’s mind means, “Until something more scandalous comes along that can get me back in the public eye.” This time, it was Chris DeWolfe, the Co-Founder of Myspace, that did the trick. And, while I liked the idea of her and Nicole having matching husbands, I think this new couple is a match made in heaven. She loves overwhelming the world with pictures of herself….and he runs the company that does just that.

I just can’t wait to see what kind of pictures/videos surface online from this relationship. A Night in Paris Part Deux? Read More »

Blackberry,

I have been so busy and my life has been so hard. No one understands how hard it is to be me. Every1 is so jealous of me that they have to find ways to bring me down. Especially now that Nicole has that dumb, stupid baby.

Like last week - I had a superhot photo shoot to do and I had a smarty idea. The smartyest – like, you know how I always look hot in all of the picshurs that I take. Like every single one. Well, I was thinking like how can I make myself like an even gooder model. And geniousosity - the only thing that could make a picture of me more better would be a PUPPY!

So I pulled over right away to buy one and the store WOULDN’T LET ME. Something about how I don’t feed them or whatever – but like, I hug my puppies when I feel like it and, sometimes, I bring them out to the clubs with me like a good puppy mommy. And if I don’t put them in my closet, then where else would they go? Besides, if I don’t need to eat a lot and I’m so tall, they don’t need to eat either because they’re so tiny and preshus. Read More »

Paris Hilton was caught out on the town last night with the new love-of-her-life, Benji Madden, in a somewhat loose fitting turquoise dress. Rumors have already swarmed the various media outlets that she is with child and let me be the first to say: dear Lord, help us all.

Let’s first discuss the implications of what it means to have a mini-Paris walking around. Ew, for one. But also, is this chick seriously trying to clone herself to be Nicole Ritchie? First, she hops on the Madden boy train, then onto their tour bus with them, then onto various TV shows where she claims he is the person she is going to marry, (because they’ve been together oh so long and all) and now she could potentially be knocked up?

I can just picture it now: little Paris Jr. walking around Beverly hills with a miniature Chihuahua, blonde hair swept to the side like mommy’s, fighting off photogs with her signature pose, that will be dubbed, “the mini-Pari”.

If that happens, I am moving to Mars.

Now, the alternative. Why is Hollywood so convinced that everyone in clothes that actually fit them properly – versus the tight, barely able to breathe ensembles – is packing a little munchkin in their tummy? Albeit Ashlee Simpson was with Wentz child after all (duh!), but not everyone is trying to hide something under their bohemian, flowing outfits. Maybe Paris is just trying out a new style, the same way she did with the butchered blonde bob she’s been trying to grow back since the disaster that was the haircut happened. Read More »

Dear Blackberry,

I have been sooooo busy; I totally haven’t been able to write to you until now! Like I’ve even been too busy for Benji and I totally love him. Not like I love you or Tink or myself. Or all of my mirrors. And my car. And my reflection in store windows. But I love him. Screw all of those other guys. This is for real. You know how I know it’s for real?

Because I get to go on tour with his band. He knows that music is my life. I bet he’ll want me to sing with them soon and then they’d be even more famouser! He totally gets me.

Did I tell you that he takes me to all of these made-up places? South Africa – you never heard of it either, right? Like West Africa is a real country, but South? Also, he can wear my hats. That means that when I play dress up with my doggies he’ll fit right in. It’s so totally perfect. Read More »

Dear Blackberry,

I just got back from Vegas and I am so hungover. Me and Benji spent the whole weekend together.

He got mad at me for five minutes on Friday because I forgot that it was his birthday, but whatever - I pay someone to be my thinker and rememberer but then I remembered that I don’t like talking to smart people so how was I supposed to know?

See? I’m smart enough to remember the important things. He had no right to be mad at me, right, Blackberry?

You know why I like you, Blackberry? Cuz I can tell you stuff and you don’t tell anyone else, not even Nikki or that attention whore mom Nicole.

You know that Nicole only had a baby cuz the magazines weren’t putting her on the cover, right? And she’s so pathetic - she’s like still hanging all over Benji when everyone knows that he’s with me. I think he’s like magic though - like they’ll take pictures with me and him somewhere and then there will be pictures of him and Nicole together at like almost the same time. I know what she’s trying to do. It’s not gonna work. Read More »