Move over Crackberry. Step aside, iPhone. There’s a new boy in town and he aims to be bigger and better than his predecessors. (Note: and, no, John McCain didn’t invent this one, either.)

Rumors have been circling for awhile now that Google would be creating a phone, and in just a few days we will finally get to see it. It is called the Dream, which is quite a name to live up to. The information about this badboy is being kept under major lock and key, but many people (read: techy geeks) are sure that this phone will give Apple a run for its money.

If you are really nerdy, like me, you can watch the demo video to see what The Dream has to offer. But if you don’t want to waste 7 minutes, I can sum it up for you:

It looks and acts a lot like the iPhone: touchscreen, internet, Google maps…

I don’t know much about technology, or programming or phones (beyond texting), but I am not sure this Google phone is so revolutionary. I guess I’ll just have to wait until September 23rd to see. For now, I’m holding tight to my iPhone.

So I know I haven’t written in like forever, but it’s time for me to tell you that me and Benji broke up. I totally thought that me and him would last - like I didn’t think that he’d mind that I had another boyfriend.

But whatever, I’m so over Benji and I am totally hearting Chris now. Nicole can KEEP Benji all to herself now.

My new boyfriend like OWNS MySpace so he can help me redo my page so that way if I wanted to really run for President, he’d make it so that the whole country can vote on my page instead of having to go to those polls. Those are probably like really far and out of the way for everyone. But whatever, the election is like next year so that’s plenty of time. I bet we’ll be married by then!!

I don’t normally like to get so serious - but Blackberry, I’m lonely. Like sure I have sex with any guy who gives me the *look* but I don’t have any girls to call to tell them about my sex or if it burns when I pee. LA is too full of jealous girls whose boobs are bigger than mine so I decided that I’m going to go to London to find my new best friend. I think that it’s in France so that means that we can shop there together and everything. Read More »

Dear Upper East Side,

I’m writing this letter with sadness in my heart and hot fudge in my hair. I’ve spent the last two months scooping your ice cream and ringing up orders and now its time for me to go home. But even though I must leave, I wanted to spend a few final moments reflecting on our time together.

Like remember all those times when you came in with your Blackberry in one hand, your Bugaboo stroller in the other, and you didn’t even look up from your phone to place your order? I always respected you for your determination to complete your conversation, even if it sometimes meant you couldn’t make eye contact with me.

Or haha, I’m cracking up about that time I gave you two cents in change and you held your hand out waiting for it so you could put it back in your Prada wallet, which you shoved into your Fendi bag instead of the tip jar. That was a great time. Read More »

So here’s the sitch: John “I’m not dead yet” McCain likened Barack “Too Sexy for this presidency” Obama to Paris Hilton in one of his feeble attempts to get attention, or you know, “campaign,” which is pretty funny considering that McCain is married to a character who is very similar to Hilton. You know, blonde, looks like a leather handbag, is an heiress to a shit-ton of money but doesn’t really contribute other than being “umm, kinda good looking?”

I digress.

Anyway, the democrats got all pissy and whiney about the ad and made some comments that didn’t do anything to help the situation, but I’m sure they’re still whining about it, not being productive, you know, the usual. I didn’t really see the problem with the ad, mainly because I was psyched about Paris Hilton being president.

I’m not really wild about either candidate, so I’m going to have to say we all write-in Paris Hilton for president for 2008. Mostly, because who couldn’t do a better job than what’s his name? Also, because she would hopefully implement some great policies that would bring this country out of it’s depressing state.

She’s a perfect representative for America. She has tons of super sweet connections with people, even if the majority of her network is people she’s given blow jobs to. She’s concerned with appearances and does not approve of anything “not hot,” like terrorism, hate crimes, animal cruelty and flannel. She doesn’t seem to care about either the Democrat or Republican party, but she does party, thus making her the perfect middle ground this country needs. Read More »

I’m always a step behind on the latest phone trend. By the time I got a rotary phone in my bedroom, everyone was already onto their cellphones, and by the time I made the jump to cellphones, everyone was already trading up for a flip phone. So it came as no surprise to me that when I finally got a camera phone, the iPhone had come out and BlackBerrys became more ubiquitous than see-through-white-dresses in the summertime.

But it wasn’t until this past summer living in New York City that I truly felt uncomfortable using my cell phone in public. The phone that I had once bragged about because it fit into my clutch was now making me feel as if I was using Zack Morris’s mega phone. People stared at me when I texted and expressed shock and awe that I still used only 9 keys to construct a sentence.

The look I got when I flipped my phone open the other day was the look I gave to my grandmother when she attempted to use her scanner to send an e-mail.

I can’t deny the jealousy. I admit that having the internet on your phone is insanely useful; whenever I’ve gotten lost somewhere, its a friend’s BlackBerry that got me home (not my phone’s tip calculator). And, sure, I’ve gotten frustrated when my T9 brutalized a word so badly that my text ended a friendship. I’ve eyed those keyboards and mouses and wished that my phone, too, could serve as a hand-held laptop. Read More »

Remember back when your parents met? How did your parents meet, anyway? Mine worked at the same ad agency and had a number of mutual friends. They courted the good old-fashioned way, with phone calls and dinner dates.

Wait a second, though—isn’t that still the way people do it?

What with your iPod in your left hand, your BlackBerry in your right hand, your laptop spread out in front of you, and your cell phone plastered to your ear, it seems a little weird to imagine dating without the technology of today.

But when you think about it, the dating of today is really just the same as the dating of pre-technology. Maybe it’s just because I never have the latest gadgets and I try to avoid logging into my Facebook account whenever possible, but I really don’t think it’s necessary to electronically “poke” my love interest or text “OMG U=SO GR8 LAST NITE!” to my boyfriend’s cell phone. Call me old-fashioned, but I actually find it annoying when my relationship becomes entangled with technology.

There have to be other people out there who feel that way. I mean, yeah, it can be nice to stalk your crush in a nonthreatening way by reading up on the interests they list in an online profile—but wouldn’t it be better to, say, ask that person out for coffee and chat about hobbies over a caramel latté, face to face? Or is that just too much to ask? Read More »

Blackberry,

I have been so busy and my life has been so hard. No one understands how hard it is to be me. Every1 is so jealous of me that they have to find ways to bring me down. Especially now that Nicole has that dumb, stupid baby.

Like last week - I had a superhot photo shoot to do and I had a smarty idea. The smartyest – like, you know how I always look hot in all of the picshurs that I take. Like every single one. Well, I was thinking like how can I make myself like an even gooder model. And geniousosity - the only thing that could make a picture of me more better would be a PUPPY!

So I pulled over right away to buy one and the store WOULDN’T LET ME. Something about how I don’t feed them or whatever – but like, I hug my puppies when I feel like it and, sometimes, I bring them out to the clubs with me like a good puppy mommy. And if I don’t put them in my closet, then where else would they go? Besides, if I don’t need to eat a lot and I’m so tall, they don’t need to eat either because they’re so tiny and preshus. Read More »

Every once in a while, your editors come across something that hurts them to the bottom of their core. Usually, they just swivel towards one another and scream about it until everything feels better, but this week, they are separated by many a mile. So, what happens when a report comes out about the iPhone being sexist, and there’s no one to scream to?

We IM our asses off.

Read More »

Dear Blackberry,

I have been sooooo busy; I totally haven’t been able to write to you until now! Like I’ve even been too busy for Benji and I totally love him. Not like I love you or Tink or myself. Or all of my mirrors. And my car. And my reflection in store windows. But I love him. Screw all of those other guys. This is for real. You know how I know it’s for real?

Because I get to go on tour with his band. He knows that music is my life. I bet he’ll want me to sing with them soon and then they’d be even more famouser! He totally gets me.

Did I tell you that he takes me to all of these made-up places? South Africa – you never heard of it either, right? Like West Africa is a real country, but South? Also, he can wear my hats. That means that when I play dress up with my doggies he’ll fit right in. It’s so totally perfect. Read More »

Dear Blackberry,

I just got back from Vegas and I am so hungover. Me and Benji spent the whole weekend together.

He got mad at me for five minutes on Friday because I forgot that it was his birthday, but whatever - I pay someone to be my thinker and rememberer but then I remembered that I don’t like talking to smart people so how was I supposed to know?

See? I’m smart enough to remember the important things. He had no right to be mad at me, right, Blackberry?

You know why I like you, Blackberry? Cuz I can tell you stuff and you don’t tell anyone else, not even Nikki or that attention whore mom Nicole.

You know that Nicole only had a baby cuz the magazines weren’t putting her on the cover, right? And she’s so pathetic - she’s like still hanging all over Benji when everyone knows that he’s with me. I think he’s like magic though - like they’ll take pictures with me and him somewhere and then there will be pictures of him and Nicole together at like almost the same time. I know what she’s trying to do. It’s not gonna work. Read More »