I have never gone out with anyone who cheated on me (to the best of my knowledge). Like most other people, I tend to think that cheaters are the scum of the Earth and that they should be ostracized from society to sufficiently pay for the way they deeply hurt their partners by doing something so stupid.

However, if I give it some thought that’s more in-depth, I realize it’s not even close to that simple.

I’ve never cheated, no, but I’ve come damn close. Close enough so that if I was my boyfriend, I’d be really, really upset with me. I could make excuses all day—I didn’t realize what I had, my priorities weren’t straight, I was selfish, I was stupid… but at the end of the day, I still came pretty close.

There’s got to be something—some kind of line—that separates me, the almost-cheater, from someone else who actually has cheated. I don’t think I’m speaking ignorantly when I say that most cheaters regret their actions and feel bad about them.

But this post isn’t about why they do it—it’s about whether cheating is ever excusable. Read More »

More women attend liberal arts colleges than men, women’s salaries continue to grow and, as Hillary Clinton said in a recent speech, “the glass ceiling now has eighteen million cracks in it.” What does that mean?

It means, as a woman of the new millennium, you’re likely to date a guy who is (not to sound too demeaning) a few rungs below you on the ladder to lifelong success. As someone who has dated her fair share of men who lack any aspirations (my disapproving dad calls them slackers), I know a thing or two about these types of boys. I’ve learned many lessons, which I will now share with you if you’re at all interested in pursuing, or continuing, a relationship with one of these self-declared duds.

Let’s begin with the upside. Guys who aren’t busting their balls at work in order to get a better job or a higher wage are more likely to be attentive and available to you. (More time for massages? Count me in!) They tend to be calmer, more easy going, and, most likely, able to hang out more often.

Unfortunately, that’s about it in terms of the pro’s. So, let’s look at the downside and, more importantly, how to deal with it. Read More »

We all have one: the friend who blows you off, who drops you like a hot potato as soon as she meets a cute boy, who just needs to borrow $5 and seriously she’ll pay you back like, tomorrow. If this girl was your boyfriend, you would dump her a**–but can you really dump a friend?

I met Rebecca in the Spring of our senior year, in an English class, and it was like we had known each other forever. In only a few short months, I felt like I had a new best friend, someone I could rely on and who always understood me. I could totally be myself around her; my sometimes-goofy, sometimes-awkward sometimes-downright-weird self.

In short, it was friend love (Flove?).

I was leaving for grad school in the Fall (in another country), so we resolved to spend as much time together as possible that Summer. Now, I’m known among my friends as being a leeeeetle bit on the anal side when it comes to making plans, keeping them, and being early. I’m always early, at least by 10 minutes, to just about everything. If I make a plan with you, I will be there, rain or shine. Rebecca, on the other hand, always seemed to be in the midst of a calamity. The subway was delayed, or she accidentally fell asleep, or there was some kind of crisis, so she was going to be late. I spent a lot of time waiting for her to show up. Sometimes she’d never show up at all, calling later to apologize, and I always just acted like it was fine. Read More »

When it comes to Facebook, you would be lying if you said you never found yourself looking at the pictures your winter vacation hookup (from 2001) just posted… or at the girl that annoyingly keeps writing on your boyfriend’s wall (and at all of her friends). I know, I know, you just randomly, somehow, stumbled upon them; you really, truly, only logged on to check your messages…3 hours ago. And now you are searching for that cute guy you met last night whose last name you don’t know (why did his name have to be Aaron?!).

Let’s face it; we’ve all stooped a little bit lower than we like to admit (logging on to a friend’s account to look at someone not in your network). Posted something for the sake of ONE person seeing it (an ex boyfriend perhaps? This picture totally screams “I am SOO over you”), or for the whole Facebook world to see (Look! I met Vince Vaughn! We sat at his table! This totally validates that I am cool. Take that all you who shoved me in a locker in high school!).

Every now and again, we all do a bit of random stalking or, as I chose to call it, investigative journalism. (The dictionary of my life says an email to my friends reporting my findings completely counts as journalism… “He’s single! Scooore!”) But with all this quasi-stalking that we do, we never really think that we are that important or fascinating enough that total randoms would waste their time looking at our photos from Halloween 2006.

That is, until it happens to you… and you find out.

And then, Facebook becomes really creepy. Read More »

I’m 10 days deep into a summer fling of the best kind.

Him: A good friend (we’ll call him Fred) I’ve had a thing for, for years. He just got back from studying abroad and the ocean air and warm weather treated him very well.

I kind of thought our first encounter in the bedroom was a one-time occurrence. A tipsy romp between the sheets that was very memorable, but a sexual outlier…that is until it happened again the next night.

And again two nights later.

To the untrained eye, nothing is different. No awkward conversations, no weirdness whatsoever and the sex is nothing short of mind blowing. So where’s the problem?

He is my best friend’s ex-boyfriend. Read More »

We pick up where last week’s episode left off, with Ali drilling Jeremy for an explanation for his bizarre online interview. The argument sounds like thousands I’ve heard my drunk friends have with their long distance boyfriends via cell phone. I listen to Ali and Jeremy run around in circles until Ali reads something of interest from the article: “I wanna marry Lindsay”…I want to marry your sister. Ali says that Jeremy has told her this in person as well. Um, and that didn’t tip you off that he was USING YOU?!?!

Whatever, Ali’s pissed because Jeremy has a crush on Lindsay and not her. Jeremy’s probably pissed because Lindsay has a crush on Samantha Ronson and not him.

Their fight concludes (or is postponed) freaking finally. Ali says she doesn’t trust anyone but her family anymore (not what you said last week.) And goes to her wise and showbiz weary mother for advice.

Dina explains that “we all make mistakes” (especially her–although I don’t know if you can consider raising trainwrecks mere mistakes). She gives a small lesson in Tabloid Manipulation 101 and tells Ali that “they’ll just have to educate him,” which sounds very creepy Scientologist.

Jeremy enters the house while Dina and Ali chat in the kitchen. He doesn’t knock or anything, just breezes right in. Dina then begins to mediate Ali and Jeremy’s argument. Read More »

I don’t mean to be a Single Sally Always A Bridesmaid Never A Bride Party Pooper here or anything, but I’ve got to vent.

For as much as I want to see my friends happy and support them when they are in love, I have to admit, there are a couple things about most relationships that really gross me out. Namely? Co-dependency.

It doesn’t take long and I’m sure you have seen it. Your friend starts dating someone new. Soon, that person is all they talk about anymore. They can come out and hang, but only if they bring this new person with them. That wouldn’t be a problem EXCEPT they don’t act exactly naturally around that person. You start to feel alienated and so you try to invite your friend out for some one on one time. Canceled plans start becoming more frequent than they ever were before the ’significant’ other came into play and you feel guilty for even thinking it…but who the f*ck does your friend think you are?

A freelance for hire friend, perhaps? A…”he’s busy tonight and I’m bored so lets hang out” friend? A…”he really ticked me off and I want to vent” friend?

This isn’t just one of my friends. It’s MANY of my friends all through my history. I suppose an argument could be that I need to come to terms with relationships, but you know what? When I have a boyfriend, I don’t blow my friends off for him! Plans are plans are plans. I keep my word and I expect my friends to as well. I love the fact that the people I care about know that my shoulder is here for them to cry on, but I can’t lie, sometimes I feel a little more than frustrated with those friends who are so easily swayed to the nesting grounds.

They used to love partying until HE said it was ’slutty’ or made some comment of the sort. Read More »

I dated my first boyfriend for almost two full years, but I hated the way he kissed.

Somehow, I feel like I’m not alone. In fact of all the guys I’ve kissed—I’m trying to count in my head as I write this—I can only think of one or two that have really kissed well.

Part of my problem, yes, was that I was way too spineless to bring up the fact that I didn’t like how my boyfriends kissed. But seriously, how do you even broach a topic like that? “By the way, I hate the way you kiss”? I don’t think so! Read More »

I’m 20 years old. Decent looking, intelligent, quite funny and personable. I’ve had a few boyfriends, but none have seemed to stick. I’ve also had a few drunken encounters, but never been drunk enough to let myself go all the way (not that I would want that to happen). I’m a perfectly normal, acceptable, approachable human being. And yet, I’m still a virgin.

I really don’t have a huge problem with that…cliche as it sounds, there hasn’t been anyone yet that I would even consider worthy of my “sacred gift”, as my Catholic school teacher called it. Nor am I saving myself for marriage. It’s crossed my mind, being raised in a pretty conservative family, but I’m not going to lie and say that if the right person and situation were to arrive….well, you know.

No, I’m fine with being a virgin. It’s other people that seem to have a problem with it. It’s not that my friends ridicule me for it or anything, but there is a certain awkwardness whenever the topic of sexual conquests and such comes up in conversation. I’ve tried to tell them a thousand times that it’s totally fine to talk about sex around me, I do know what it is and the mechanics involved. I guess they feel like they’re making me feel naive or something ridiculous like that.

It’s also pretty annoying the assumptions that people make about me when it comes up in conversation. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve been at a party and somehow the topic of sex comes up (as it often does at college parties), and I am met with horrified stares when I nonchalantly utter the words, “No, I’m a virgin.” Read More »

Before I lost my virginity, I judged people for their sexual exploits. I made snide comments about the girls who went out in search of a one night stand. I frowned upon my friends who slept with friends, “just because.” I talked badly about those who had sex with their boyfriends after only a week.

I knew most of that stemmed from my self-esteem issues and lack of sexual opportunity, but I didn’t care. Sex was serious, important and emotional; people should be waiting for that special someone to share it with, instead of just throwing it away on some random dude.

Then I met that special someone, developed that deep and emotional connection, and had sex. And as soon as it was over I thought to myself, “That’s it?” It’s not that it wasn’t good, it is just that the actual act of sex was so…technical. The heat, passion and feeling I was looking for was there, but it wasn’t any different than when we were just holding hands, kissing or spooning while watching a movie. I didn’t feel any different about him after the sex than I did before.

But I did feel differently about sex. Read More »