One is not born, but rather becomes, a dude.

This, at any rate, is the conclusion suggested by a recent report in The Journal of Adolescence, which seems to show that teenage boys are more interested in emotional connection than in sex for its own sake.

The report concerns a survey of 105 tenth-grade boys, who answered questions about dating and sex, along with several more general questions of health and lifestyle. When asked about their reasons for pursuing a relationship, over 80% of the boys responded that they did it because they “really liked the person.”

When asked about their reasons for having sex, the boys were as likely to say that they did it for love as they were to say that they had been motivated by pure physical attraction or curiosity about sex.

This evidence flies in the face of the common stereotypes that young men are supposed to be interested in sex rather than relationships (whereas girls, of course, are believed to prize relationships over sex). And so, not surprisingly, some people refuse to believe it.

Tara Parker-Pope, in her New York Times column on the subject, pointed out that, in her experience, the majority of the backlash to these findings came from grown men, several of whom commented on her original blog post to insist that the boys must have been lying. (As far as I can see, these men failed to provide any realistic explanation as to why the boys would have done so - my own research confirms that the “free pizza if you fake interest in a relationship” strategy is usually ineffective.) Why are these grown men so invested in denying the emotional life of teenage boys?

Well, why wouldn’t they be? Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 174
Mood: Weirded out

“I’ve been wanting to tell you everything for a while, Grace.” Justin leaned against the sink and ran his hands through his hair a few times, trying to keep his eyes on my face but only succeeding in keeping his gaze there for a few seconds before staring at the floor.

“Well, now’s your chance.” I shifted the best I could on the edge of the bathtub. The bathroom was definitely a product of a house full of boys, and everything about it made me wary of touching anything for too long.

“I’ve known…or…things changed right before Christmas break, I guess.” Justin kept his hand on the doorknob, holding it shut even though he had already locked it. “Sasha and I, we were always buddies. We got along the best in the house, you know? So when everyone started saying all that shit about him…I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t believe it.”

I heard him inhale, and then let it out slowly. Our eyes met, and his were wide with something. Regret maybe. Something heavy.

“But then one night we…we had a few beers and Sasha started talking. He got drunk and started talking about that night…” Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 167
Mood: frozen

“Grace, you’re soaked” Rebecca tugged on my shirt and spoke into my ear, keeping her eyes on Justin and Sasha. The tension between them was palpable; I knew she could feel it too. “Why don’t you at least change your shirt? You can wear one of mine.”

I didn’t want to leave the living room. I didn’t want to leave Justin alone with Sasha. But Rebecca was right. I was practically dripping alcohol. Like I had just jumped into a pool full of Jack Daniels.

“Let’s just run into a room. I’ll wear my long sleeve and you can wear the camisole I have under it. It’s fine.” Rebecca kept pulling on my arm, her jitters obvious in the repetition of her actions. Even tipsy, Rebecca couldn’t let her guard down. She knew something was off. She knew something was crackling in the air, and she wanted to leave before the match was lit.

“I have to…” I looked up at Justin. “I have go change.”

“What?” Justin blinked. He looked at me as though it surprised him I was still standing there.

“I have to go change. Everyone spilled stuff on me.” Read More »

Well, the College Candy commenters have spoken, and you know what girls? You’re totally right (Of course you are!).

I thought I had this roommate situation all under control. I decided it was a bad idea, I told him it was a bad idea, but that we could discuss it further if necessary, and keep an open mind.

Apparently the words “discuss it further” and “bad idea” entered this boy’s head and came out sounding like “let’s make out some more“.

The other night I got home late from work, tired and cranky. I wanted nothing more than to sit on my couch, watch crappy TV and eat a vegan cupcake. Is that so much to ask?

As I was getting ready for bed, he was the only one left in our living room. I walked past him en route from the bathroom to my bedroom, and he grabbed me by the arm, pulled me towards him and practically stuck his tongue down my throat. He had just smoked a cigarette, and kissing him was like licking an ash tray.

“I just brushed my teeth!” I hissed, yanking myself away and hoping our other roommates wouldn’t hear. He pulled me in again, this time kissing my neck, as if this would make me forget all about the fact that he just AMBUSHED me. I pulled away yet again and went straight to my room, shutting the door behind me. Read More »

After our recent post about choosing to live in the same dorm as your significant other, I thought I’d bring up a similar topic I’m struggling with: should you start a relationship with a roommate?

My current financial situation means I had to make a few compromises when looking for a new apartment. First off, I had to move to a shady neighborhood. And not just a put-away-your-ipod kind of neighborhood, but a maybe-you-should-carry-pepper-spray-and-also-possibly-a-knife kind of place. Secondly, I moved in with three boys.

Yes, I know, I’m living in a glorified frat house: Scarface posters on the wall, 2 years worth of grime in the tub (so much for a relaxing post-work soak) and a fridge full of beer and moldy food. When I arrived to take a look around and put down my deposit, however, I soon realized that these were the least of my problems; one of my roommates is cute. Read More »

You claim you don’t really have a type. But (seriously) how many blonde, guitar playing, puppy-eyed boys can you go through before realizing that you constantly fall into the same boyfriend traps?

Honey, let’s be honest; there’s only so much emotional turmoil a person can take before she loses it.

While most New Year’s resolutions never last through February, it is possible to change your ever-familiar ways now - for good. Forging through this set of relationship resolutions will help you be in control, not him:

1. Move on. Don’t give any guy too much meaning right away because you’re convinced you’ll become one of those cat ladies if you’re not dating right now. Guys are everywhere. After all, how many failed dates have you been on, and how many guys are around you at the bars? If you know this guy won’t work out, move on.

2. Expect more. Over the insane course of life, you’ve realized that most people are genuinely good — even your ex-boyfriends. Not all guys cheat and lie, but all will step right over you if you let them. Demand the right treatment, and you’ll get it. We’re talking common consideration, not daily calls and texts after the first date.

3. Be in Demand. Remember how you had all those hobbies back when boys still had cooties? Where did all your personal time go? If you’re spending it worrying about when he’ll call or what he’s up to, you’re wasting time and making your personality seem remarkably unattractive. Make plans and do your thing because it’s awesome if he calls but no loss if he doesn’t. You’re a busy girl, remember? Read More »

When you hand in a rough draft of your final term paper, and you get good feedback- you are no doubt shocked when your grade is much lower than anticipated right?

So you go to your professor and she explains what you did wrong, where you missed the mark. And while you are frustrated, you move on because hey, it’s Thursday night and so why not get drunk now and just remember what to fix for next time?

When you finish a crossword or sudoku puzzle, you head for most important part: the answer key. Because how annoying would it be to spend two hours on a mind game and not get any sort of validation that you did it right? (A blatant waste of time, in my opinion)

And of course, when Britney Spears makes the Worst Dressed list week after week, she doesn’t have to sit and ponder as to why she’s on there. If her poor taste in fashion isn’t obvious enough (last time I checked, fedoras and printed pajama bottoms wasn’t what they meant by “mix and match”) at least there is some comedian explaining what makes her outfit so comically tragic.

In all of these cases, there is an answer to what went askew, a reasoning behind the actions.

So why is it that when you go on a date that you think went well and then hear not-a-thing… there is nothing you can do about it? Read More »

Things Girls Do For a Date:

1) Try on everything in our closets, which might I add, usually results in sweating like we just ran a marathon, all while ranting to ourselves about how we have NO clothes (minus the messy heap that was once our closet).

God forbid we should be too overdressed, too trendy, too slutty, or look too high-maintenance. Yet, we still need that perfect ‘fit that makes us look adorable… so that he will like us.

2) Email our friends 15 times on Date Day. “Can I wear a dress?” “What do I talk about?” “What’s our code word if it goes bad and I need an excuse to leave?” “What about the awkward silences?” “What if I’m not funny?” and our friends write us back and assure us that we are fabu and he will obviously like us.

3) Then the date rolls around and we sit up straight, eat fatty food so we aren’t one of those “Ano girls who don’t eat”, smile so much that our cheeks hurt (I really wonder how Ms. America does it) and bring our A game to the table.

Why? So he will like us. Like us and want to call/email us. And we will inevitably spend our next few days staring at our gmail inboxes and cell phones. Never thinking we would be so bummed out over an email telling us of a MAJOR sale.

While that is all peachy (usually nothing excites us more than knowing MJ aviators are ½ off) right now this is soo not the new email we were hoping for. Read More »