Breasts. Boobs. Tits. Ta Tas. Chi Chis. Fun-bags. Melons. Along with a few hundred different epithets, they come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. And thanks to the wonders of plastic surgery, there’s even more variety to be had in the size department. Just ask Sheyla Hershey, the woman who was recently denied her 9th boob job. Hershey’s dreams to move up from a FFF-cup to a GG were dashed because apparently, America, the country that has no concept of “moderation” has established a legal limit for silicone.

When I was in 8th grade, I went from flat-as-a-board to a large C in a matter of months; when I discovered binge drinking in college, my Freshman Fifteen accumulated in my breasts, and I was busting out of 36 DD bras, but refused to buy anything bigger because I felt like a freak. Over the past year, a strict cardio regimen has reduced my girls to a 34 DD, but I still long for the old days: a perky pair no bigger than a handful. That being said, why Miss Hershey would intentionally strive for the “World’s Biggest Breasts” is beyond me. Read More »

Feast your eyes on the wonderful, delightful fashion invention entitled the Naughty Candy Bra:

The best part about this sweet addition to your wardrobe is that the nutrition information is listed as below:

This information is funny to me because, who’s actually worrying about caloric intake when they’re buying a bra made of Smarties? You know, I was going to buy this bra, but now that I see it has 9 grams of carbs, I’m going to look elsewhere for eatable underwear…

Getting ready for a night out with your girls shouldn’t be you stomping around looking for “THAT” bra and pissed because you can’t get your eye shadow the same on your left eye as it is on your right eye. Getting ready for a night out, in my partying opinion, should be a freakin’ PRE GAME.

I’m talking loud music, drink in hand, and you dancing around to the songs below in your underwear.

This is my personal “Getting Ready” playlist and I guarantee that you’ll want to make it yours after you hear these songs.

“Earthquake” FAMILY FORCE 5 (Dance, Rock, Crunk)

“Filthy Gorgeous” SCISSOR SISTERS (Rock, Pop)

“Sexy Results” DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979 (Drum & Bass/Punk)

“Seventeen” LADYTRON (Electro/New Wave)

“After Dark” LE TIGRE (Electro/Punk)

“Rock Is Dead” MARILYN MANSON (Rock)

“F*ck The Pain Away” PEACHES (Electro/Rock)

“The New Black” EVERY TIME I DIE (Metal/Southern Rock)

“Horse Pills” THE DANDY WARHOLS (Indie/Rock)

“Love Me Or Hate Me” LADY SOVEREIGN (Hip Hop)

ENJOY! These songs rock and will definitely get you off of your ass and having FUN while you’re getting ready. Screw THAT bra. Go braless.

Don’t stress when you’re getting ready to go out! Dance it off.

Until sorta recently, I was never one for matching my bra to my undies, let alone buy super sexy lingerie. I felt like it was all a waste of money; if someone was interested in taking me home and ripping my clothes off, they wouldn’t lose interest just because my bra was nude and my underwear was pink with black polka-dots, right?

After spotting a set of pretty lacy lingerie on sale, I decided to take it for a test run. That is when I realized what I had been missing all along; lingerie made me feel sexier and more confident. It wasn’t about showing it off, but rather about me knowing it was there. Letting someone else enjoy it was just a little bonus.

I started going a little lingerie-crazy. I bought all sorts of sets: lacy, silky, cami’s, bras, thongs, bikinis. I built myself quite a collection. Never mind the fact that I have had no one to share it with lately, I just kept buying. And, truth be told, I have grown a bit bored with all of it. I may have a lot – and it all may be pretty – but there is only so much variety out there right now and it all seems rather cliché, overdone and commercialized.

Not anymore. In an era where you can personalize everything from your latte to your footwear, it was only natural that someone brought that along to our most intimate of apparel. The dream-team over at evloveintimates.com has made your lingerie as personal as the occasion you are wearing it for.

You pick the color, the fabric and the cut (even the piping and a little extra appliqué!). They do all the work, and in three weeks your sexy new under-thingies arrive, just in time for you to work ‘em. Rar. Go get em, Tiger.

It’s usually pretty easy to tell if a guy is single from his apartment. You’ve got the typical underwear out in the open, ring around the bathtub, week old stubble discard in the sink, that odd “shoe and old clothes smell”…I could go on, but it only gets grosser from here.

Most of us are well versed in the signs of The Bachelor Pad, but did you know you can tell if a girl is single and unlaid by her Bachelorette Pad? Read More »

Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro?

Thanks to a little piece of wire, some lace straps, and cups (not the porcelain kind) this hasn’t been an issue for a century now.

Happy 100th birthday bra!

Vogue first wrote about bras in 1907, when they were simply around for function and comfort. Nowadays, even members of the itty-bitty-t*tty committee get pleasure out of bra shopping, so much so that it’s become an important part of everyday fashion.

You know what I mean, like when you’re feeling sneaky, sultry, and seductive in an oversized hoodie because shhh, you’ve got your ‘unstrap me or else’ black lace bust booster on underneath. Hellooo, why do you think they call it Victoria’s Secret???

The clever contraption’s birthday comes at the perfect time, with the ever-so-popular Victoria’s Secret fashion show on tonight. (Airs on CBS at 10!)

In a college culture where any silly event is morphed into a full-on blowout boozin’ binge bash, I think I’ve already heard of four different VS viewings tonight, each with a lingerie dress code and lots and lots of champagne.

What better reason to break out the bubbly than a b-day for brassieres?

It’s not like I expect Maxim to be the New York Times. It’s not like I expect them to propagate feminist causes. I don’t even really expect them to be very literary—but going after certain women and calling them “unsexy”?

That’s just lame.

The Five Unsexiest Women Alive list, compiled as a direct response to Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive article, is a negative, annoying editorial meant to do nothing except pick on aging stars and go after girls who are already suffering.

Explaining #5 on the list has “about 23 pounds of Funyun pudge”, Maxim goes after the easiest target of 2007, Britney Spears. Yes, she used to be hot and now she looks a little rough. Yes, she used to be a badass dancer and now thinks stumbling around constitutes a performance. Yes, she’s a bit of a media whore…but the girl has problems. Big, intense problems. Let’s give her a bit of a break, shall we?

Besides, when was being “not skinny” having “pudge”? Read More »

Have you ever thought, “you know what? Screw traditional strapless bras, I want to squish my boobs into a semi-torture device!”

No? Well, someone has.

The Faveo Freedom Bra, invented by “scientist / business woman” Joanne Morgan, is supposedly the next best thing in undergarments, but looks to me like the next best thing in uncomfortable.

After buying a strapless dress and having no bra to wear with it, Morgan decided that instead of returning her purchase, she as going to whip something up herself. “I started to experiment with new ways to invent a bra.”

Morgan is quoted as saying, “I had my Eureka moment after a couple of glasses of wine.”

Her “Eureka moment” seems to consist mostly of a belty-strap thing that squeezes each individual boob and a piece of fabric that goes over the front. How this actually provides support or is even worth buying is beyond me, but maybe that’s just because I’m not a “scientist / business woman”.

Want to see more? Check out the instructional video after the jump! Read More »

Like Nair, I’ve always been a little freaked out by my hair.

Being Italian, I’m blessed with lots of the stuff. It’s nice on my head, but anywhere else…a little less so. At least according to society.

The first time I realized nobody liked a hairy girl was in 6th grade. I was sitting in class in a t-shirt, trying to deal with early June heat and a new sensation I now know as “bra sweat”.

A kid, who I’m pretty sure was (and probably still is) named David, turned around and stared at me while the teaching wasn’t looking. “Yo, look at your arms!” he said as loudly as only a 12-year-old boy can, “who invited Harry and the Hendersons over?”

Harry and the Hendersons was a show based around Bigfoot.

That stinging comment has (obviously) stayed with me for years, and since then I have shaved everything—at least everything I could reach.

I often wish I could just chuck the razor in the drawer and never deal with balancing precariously in my shower again, but 6th grade David is always around, along with completely hairless movie stars, magazine models, and guys who continually obsess over girls being clean shaven “down there”.

This girl, on the other hand, is no slave to the razor. At least, she hasn’t been for a year. Read More »

Do you love helping people figure out how cold it is in a room?

Are you really into guys staring at your chest?

Have you always wanted nipples that were huge and robot-like?

Then get yourself a pair of bodyperks.

“Draw attention to your natural assets,” exclaims their website, “They make you look and feel wonderfully sassy.”

Before a reader can begin to ponder the word ‘sassy’ and why anyone in this day and age would use it, the website goes on to explain what exactly bodyperks are:

“They are lightweight, natural colored, silicone nipples that you insert into your bra and place directly on your own nipple…Create your own look and wear them with tight t-shirts, sexy halters, dresses, twin sets, swimsuits and more”.

Of course. Fake nipples. Exactly what I’ve always wanted. Read More »