Let’s just get right into this. I’m calling Daisy the Blow Fish/Skank Spice/Stripper with the Plastic Face for the win.

The show starts with the elimination that we saw from the previous episode, with Bret telling Ambre and Daisy to pack it up for Cancun. Bret’s excited because VH1 planned some great stuff at the Me by Melia Cancun.

Once they arrive and get setteld, the three go to dinner. Bret has questions for the ladies - but Daisy pulls out a list of questions of her own and Ambre and I are suprised at her reading and writing abilities. Blow Fish asks Bret about how he’s always referring to their physical attraction and Bret says that it’s because Daisy is still a “mystery” to him. There’s no mystery in Hep C, Bret.

Ambre tells Daisy that she leads with her sexuality and I don’t think that Daisy understands what that means.

Bret moves on to tell Ambre that her “win at all costs” attitude throws him off - and then she throws me off by kissing Bret. Was that to shut him up? Is Ambre all about her TV hosting career?

Anyway, Ambre and her two-toned hair have a date the next day, Daisy the day after.

So the next day as Ambre’s about to go on her Bret date, Daisy tells Ambre that it hurt her feelings when Ambre said that she leads with her sexuality. “I’m not afraid to be sexy.” It turns into Daisy telling Ambre that Ambre’s feeling inadequate and then Daisy tries to imitate Ambre’s walk. Ambre walks like a hunchback? Oh, Daisy, Ambre and the rest of the female population wish that they could be like you. Read More »

VH1 was smart – rather than being trounced by the Super Bowl in the ratings (because I would have been the only one watching Rock Of Love), they made me wait a week so that I could properly heal from the blow of losing Trantastique.

…And to learn the surprising news that Daisy has probably slept with Bret. And by surprising I mean like the total opposite of surprising.

I can’t believe that she waited a whole three days.

Anyway, the house rumor that starts Episode Four is that Daisy and Bret did IT. I don’t see why everyone’s making such a big deal about it since she’s probably not going to be the only one who sleeps with Bret before this mess is all over. I laugh at my Ice Princess Kristy Joe’s camera-emphatic “Skank!” and applaud Aubry’s stretch Escalade confrontation.

This week’s challenge: the girls will be split into two teams to build a motorcycle. The lead mechanic wins a solo date, the other team members get a group date and the losing team’s head mechanic has to clean Bret’s bike with a toothbrush. Whiskey voiced Peyton is excited. Yawn. I’m not. Seriously, I’m so close to done with these annoying chicks, except for Inna, because I want to get drunk with her, and Kristy Joe, because I just like her for no good reason. Read More »

Welcome the first of many recap parties for VH1’s Rock of Love 2. I’d like to thank you for reading this because it means that on some level, you share a love (whether open or closeted) for craptacular television.

But let’s get started, shall we?

Episode one is almost aptly named ‘Back on the Horse.’ Certain gossip blogs were kind of enough to post pictures of the contestants before the show’s premiere. Neigh. Is that the sound that horses make? It’s been a long time since pre-school.

I must admit that I was pulling for Brett in the first season. Despite the fact that Poison sucked and that he at times looks like a transvestite when he removes the bandana, I thought among the strippers in the house he’d find one with a heart of gold. Well, he did, but I digress…

In the beginning of the episode, Brett pulls up to the mansion and his hair looks like it was made in the Mattel factory. The girls don’t notice how unnaturally long or synthetic it is and cheer upon his arrival. Read More »

I feel like there is going to be a hole in my Sunday nights where Rock of Love used to be. The reunion special that aired on Sunday was the last we will be seeing of Bret Michaels and his lovely ladies for a while. Well, until they come out with a Rock of Love 2.
For those of you who missed the airing, or the hundred replays this week on VH1, I offer you this recap of all that went down on the final episode of my favorite show this year.

The show was hosted by Riki Rachtman. (for those of you who were three when he was famous, Rachtman was the host of Headbanger’s Ball in the 80’s and a close friend of Axl Rose).

Rachtman brought out the “Barbie Twins” first; Kristia and Brandi C. These two are either really stupid, or incredibly good at using their dumb acts to their advantage. The two are living together in Los Angeles and often share the same bed. They like to put their enormous breasts together to think better. This gets Bret “a little turned on.” Apparently everyone on reality TV has a clothing line coming out, and these two are no exception. I’m sure it’s going to do really well. Right? Read More »