My apologies for yet another delayed follow-up to The Hills. It seems that my bed was the only thing I was thinking about Monday night as I passed out before 10PM. It wasn’t until yesterday morning when I received a text message from my friend (“Does Stephanie Pratt Curl her bangs?!”) that I realized the atrocity I had committed.

I rushed home from work to catch up, and even though MTV aired a double feature again, I was left with many questions:

What is up with Stephanie’s bangs?
How does Lauren’s hair go from long to short to long again?
And what exactly is Ms. Stephanie Pratt up to? Read More »

Last night was the season premiere of The Hills and all I can say is, wow. I have been counting down to this moment for a long time. I even had a party to celebrate it. But even I couldn’t have anticipated just how spectacular the whole event was going to be.

A pre-show.

Mariah Carey.

An hour-long episode (with commercial breaks that seemed a lot shorter than normal).

It was fantastic.

As you all know, last night’s episode picked up where last season abruptly ended some three months ago: Lauren and Whitney arrive in Paris, while Heidi and Spencer work through the many failings of their overly public relationship. I am ashamed to say this, but after watching I was extremely disappointed with Lauren and (gulp) actually kinda respected Heidi.

Before you throw tomatoes at your computer screen, hear me out. Read More »

Is it just me, or was last night’s episode of The Hills kinda boring? Not 3-hour-lecture boring; more like this-could-totally-be-a-day-in-my-life boring. From Lauren and Brody’s gray area to Audrina’s first date with the new boy, to Lauren and Audrina’s Halloween party (that included Pabst and beer pong!), watching it felt watching my own life!

It was almost as if MTV realized just how unbelievable the show was getting so they scaled it back to remind people that Lauren and her fabulous friends are just like the rest of us.

But mixed in with all that normal-ness was a small drama side dish a la Heidi and Spencer. Oh, and Sister Pratt. And to be honest I can’t really tell who in this situation bothered me more: Read More »

I have had enough.

While I don’t really love Audrina – she’s not the brightest crayon in the box and her teeth are sorta big – I can not sit back and watch a sister get trampled on by any guy, let alone a guy like Justin Bobby.

I want to jump into the TV (I have even considered joining the lame-ass Virtual Hills) and smack some sense into this girl, but my new TV is really expensive and I don’t want anything to happen to it. Sure, she ended things with the d-bag last night, but I can see it in her eyes that she still wants to go back for more.

And I seriously can’t let that happen.

So, I decided to do what I do with all my friends dealing with a difficult breakup: make the pros and cons list. You know; list the dude’s pros and cons, see him in all his crappy glory and finally feel good about kicking him to the curb.

Here goes the Justin Bobby pros and cons list. I hope this makes Audrina’s decision a little easier on her soul:

Pro:
Someone to snuggle with
Con:
Greasy
Pro:
Someone to talk to (when he picks up her calls)
Con:
Weird obsession with hobo-inspired headwear Read More »

I hate Heidi. Everything about her from her fake face/boobs to her super shiny and bouncy blonde hair. Oh, and her giant teeth.

Yet even I, president of the I Hate Heidi and Fake Face/Boobs and Super Shiny and Bouncy Blonde Hair and Big Teeth club feel drawn to her this week. There is something about the sheer douchiness of Spencer that makes Heidi look, well, good.

Last night’s episode of The Hills made Heidi look like an actual responsible and semi-intelligent adult. For the first time in our long and tumultuous history, Heidi actually seemed to be taking her job seriously.

No more “I wanna get paid for doing nothing.” The Future Mrs. Pratt is actually putting her personal life on hold for the sake of her serious new position. And I can’t help but respect that. I also can’t help but notice that she is working longer hours than me. And that makes me feel like less of a person.

What happened to old Heidi? You know, skip out on work to get lunch Heidi. Or drop out of fashion school after one day Heidi. I know one person who misses her: Whiny, Bitchy Spencer. (Sidenote: I kinda miss her too. She is so much more fun when you can really hate her.) Read More »

After running home to watch The Hills last week and finding it was a rerun, I had a personal moment of silence to mark the end of yet another amazing season.

I also had a little internal hissy fit at MTV for leaving me hanging with the Brody and LC dramatic kiss.

So, imagine my excitement when I get home from hanging out with some peeps this evening, flip through the stations and find an all new episode of The Hills starting right at that moment! Someone was definitely watching over me and I will be thanking him/her the next time I am near a synagogue.

Tonight’s episode was full of a bunch of random tid bits, but it all boils down to one thing for me: who do we trust?

Who is telling the truth about the LC sex tape/giant labia situation? There are so many players in this one that I decided to break it down so together we could try and blow this mystery wiiiiide open.

Jen Bunny: After months of not talking (probably due to Jen Bunny’s plastic surgery recovery time), JB texts Lauren and wants to grab lunch. Upon sitting down and ordering their bowls of lettuce with a side of lemon juice, Jen Bunny comes right down to it and tells Lauren that Brody spread the rumors. Then says that she doesn’t want to get involved. Iiiinteresting. Read More »

Monday’s aren’t my favorite day of the week for many reasons:

1) it’s Monday
2) my favorite bar cancelled their $1 pitcher night
3) I am always totally hung over from the weekend

Yet, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At 10:00pm. On MTV.

And it is called, The Hills.

While my own life reflects Lauren’s in many ways (my name is Lauren…oh wait, that’s it) it is nice to avoid the ridiculous drama in my own life and kick back and watch it in hers. And boy does it.

This season has put the “rama” in drama. But as good as the entire season has been, last night really did it for me. Namely, Lauren’s surprise birthday party.

Now, I totally hate Heidi, but I really had to give it to her for throwing Lauren the bomb.com surprise party for her 21st birthday. And the best moment of the night? Definitely Spencer’s speech. Read More »