In today’s Photoshoped world, it’s hard to tell which buzz-worthy pictures are fake, and which ones are actual hilarious moments caught by a camera…

We’re sincerely hoping this one is legit.

First Britney Spears created a perfume. Then Jessica Simpson started designing clothes. Then Lindsay Lohan threatened to bring us leggings with built-in knee pads….

And now Kid Rock will be brewing beer?!

WTF is up with celebrities trying to do it all? Just because you are good at rocking the stage (or mediocre at best, if you are Jessica Simpson) doesn’t mean that you know how to design bedding. Or a nice smelling perfume.

And just because you happen to drink a lot of beer doesn’t mean that you should start brewing it. I drink a lot of beer; do you see me coming out with a Wolverine Brew? No! Because while I know how to consume beer quickly (beer pong), I don’t know the first thing about brewing mother f–king beer.

What’s next? Paris Hilton uses a ton of condoms (I imagine); is she gonna launch a line of Paris Couture Condoms? Is Britney Spears going to release her very own Spears-Anti-Psyhoctic meds? Will Snoop Dog create his own Super Snoop Weed?

Kid, I think you are pretty good on stage, but I don’t think you really have it in you to create a beer. I mean, you are Kid Rock for God’s sake; your lifestyle is more aligned with trailers and chewing tobacco than with a nice, smooth brew. We already have Keystone, Schlitz and PBR; do we really need another low quality keg?

Would you drink Kid Rock Beer?

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Aside from the night after you’ve taken your last final, the first week of school is generally the best time of the whole semester. The weather is great, you’re reunited with all of your friends, and the school year has returned just when you were starting to feel like you had too much free time.

The campus is buzzing with returning students, eager to see what the new year has in store. Even if you anticipate your hardest semester to date, there’s still a feeling of excitement in the air during the very first week.

1. You Get to Scope Out Your New Classes

Maybe I’m a dork, but I was always excited to see what my new classes would be like. In certain classes–the must-take courses taught by the professors with the best reputations– it was great to see what all the buzz was about. Other classes might have sounded intriguing in the course catalog; reading through the syllabus on the first day, I’d think the class sounded interesting, and hadn’t been assigned 500 pages of reading to prove me otherwise. I would also look through the syllabus and see what the course requirements looked like, so I could estimate how little effort I could put into the class, and still walk away with an “A.”

Of course, it’s also fun to see who else has signed up for the class. Whether you walk through the door and see five of the girls from your freshman dorm, or right into the eyes of your new insta-crush, it’s fun to find out who you’ll be taking the class with. Read More »

Rumor has it that Lindsay Lohan is saying TTYL to Jesus and Shalom to the Jewish faith.

Yes, like many non-Jewish women who fall head over heels for the Jews (and who can blame them?), Lilo is (allegedly) converting for her gal-pal, Samantha Ronson.

Being a card carrying Member of the Tribe, I feel it is my duty to whip up a (Kosher) Jell-O mold/some bagels and lox and welcome Linds to the Jew-berhood.

We are so excited to have yet another celeb on the verge of a mental breakdown to call our own!

Before I hand over the bagels, though, I need to make sure Lohan is in it for the long run. We Jews take our religion seriously and, like the bouncers at the Waverly Inn, don’t let just anyone in. Is she ready to use guilt to get everything she wants in life? Does she fully understand just how much time we are forced to spend in synagogue? Does she know that being Jewish is about more than searching for a good deal at Marshalls?

And, most importantly, is Lindsay truly devoted to our people, or is it all about the allure of Yom Kippur, a holiday where we atone (and are completely forgiven) for the sins we have committed in the past year? Lord knows Lohan has a lot of atoning to do, starting with that line of leggings she created.

Oy. As if having Speidi at church wasn’t bad enough, now we have to worry about having Lohan at Temple. God help us all.

Christian Bale was merely defending his wife? Awwwww!

Wanna work in politics? Just have an affair!

Sick of Facebook yet? Yeah, me either. But it just got even better.

Viagra may work for women?

Apparently, some dudes agreed that women in skinny jeans could not be raped because removing them would require consent? Yeah…took awhile, but that’s been reversed.

The Jo-Bros are probably pissing off a lot of Dallas homeowners right now….

Porta-Potty art! (Doesn’t make the smell go away, though.)

Earth-friendly junk mail? Hot granny panties? Declining gas prices? Impossible!

An old favorite to get you through the day. Weeeeeeeeeee!

Breasts. Boobs. Tits. Ta Tas. Chi Chis. Fun-bags. Melons. Along with a few hundred different epithets, they come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. And thanks to the wonders of plastic surgery, there’s even more variety to be had in the size department. Just ask Sheyla Hershey, the woman who was recently denied her 9th boob job. Hershey’s dreams to move up from a FFF-cup to a GG were dashed because apparently, America, the country that has no concept of “moderation” has established a legal limit for silicone.

When I was in 8th grade, I went from flat-as-a-board to a large C in a matter of months; when I discovered binge drinking in college, my Freshman Fifteen accumulated in my breasts, and I was busting out of 36 DD bras, but refused to buy anything bigger because I felt like a freak. Over the past year, a strict cardio regimen has reduced my girls to a 34 DD, but I still long for the old days: a perky pair no bigger than a handful. That being said, why Miss Hershey would intentionally strive for the “World’s Biggest Breasts” is beyond me. Read More »

(Get it!? Fish Issue? A Fish-ue? HA!)

I have a love/hate relationship with David Beckham.

I love him because: he’s f-ing hot, he plays soccer, his abs are ridonkulus.
I hate him because: I can’t have him, he’s almost too perfect.

Not anymore! Becks has a flaw (besides the fact that he’s taken): fishy breath.

Is it weird that I love him more for it? I mean, let’s be honest - would you toss this guy out of your bed because of a slight breath issue?

Happy Saturday, ladies.

While I sit on my couch watching TV, checking my ex’s status on Facebook (being a douchebag, as usual) and trying to convince my mother that I am not hungover (what can I say; I’m a multitasker), I just got some rather frightning news. Like Paris Hilton wants a child news. Or Kevin Federline was named father of the year news.

It appears that LiLo has a secret (well, not anymore) half sister!

Kristi Kaufmann, a former fling of Michael “I’m a Preacher” Lohan, is claiming that he is the father of her 13 year old daughter, Ashley. According to Kaufmann, she and Michael had a little tryst during (and after!) a short separation from Dina back in the day. Scandalous!

Michael has confirmed the validity of this claim, which - I imagine - can mean only one thing for this attention whoring family: another Lohan reality show!

I am just waiting to see:
A) How Mama Lohan responds to this
B) The I-Have-A-Sister-That-I-Didn’t-Know-About Bender Lindsay goes on
C) The hot mess this little 13 year old girl is going to become just being associated with the Lohan crew.