Welcome to the Baby Daddy War.

One is a super strong, sexy hockey hero; the other is just a hot, hometown Southern boy. But Levi Johnston and Casey Aldridge really aren’t that different. They both have really strong sperm, they are both being forced into marriage (allegedly), and they both decided to knock up the wrong girl.

They are also both kinda sexy in that “I would never touch that, but I can see why that girl let him impregnate her” sorta way.

Would you want your name tattooed on either of their middle fingers?
Which one’s child would you be willing to carry?

Like any new daddy, Casey Aldridge, baby daddy of Jamie Lynn Spears, took some pictures of his new family.

Awwww.

Then the idiot took the pics to his neighborhood Wal-Mart to get developed. Because why wouldn’t the boyfriend of a millionaire want to get a deal on his digital prints?

And what happened? Obviously, the under-paid employee of America’s most controversial store made extra copies of the pics and is shopping them around to the tabloids. Normally this wouldn’t be a huge deal, except for the fact that the pictures included shots of JL breastfeeding her newborn.

Yup! Another celebrity boob is exposed.

The Spears family and local authorities are looking into this whole scandal, but dirty dudes everywhere (Jamie Lynn is a minor!) are patiently waiting those pics.

Just remember this the next time you want to save a few cents on those pictures of yours; you never can trust the photo dude.

Apparently, Jamie Lynn Spears’s babydaddy like’s em bleached and in cowboy boots. Classy.

How a boardroom of smart people missed this…I’ll never know

Rambo Reporter: Woman gets shot and keeps on talking

Screamer? You might get fined!

This just in: Facebook might actually help your career

Obama gets hot

Write your paper, toast some bread

That’s right, JLove — fight for acceptance by giving in and getting skinny. That’ll show ‘em

Old guys say the darndest things

You know what “avocado” means, don’t you?

The train never left the station…even though they’re married

As if the media hasn’t spent enough time ravaging the metaphorical colon of people across the internet and TV, we arrive at the next stage in celebrity gossip evolution (or Creative Design if you are from Kansas)…the legal battle.

So here it is: Casey Aldridge, a.k.a. Little Spears’ Babby-daddy, is either 17, 18 or 19. Unfortunately, white trash don’t keep good records and for some reason there is a some discussion as to how old he is. People are looking at his MySpace page, which has him at 17, and also his old school records that have him at 19. However, the latter records come from his Principal who is trying to hold the school yearbooks to make extra money, so it is about as trustworthy as the Mitchell Report.

My roommate is pre-law, so here is the $.50 tour:

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The Spears girls have the worst judgment in the history of celebrities.

OK! Magazine is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears, the supposed “good sister” to a psychotic, dramz addicted older sibling, is, as we speak, 16 and pregnant.

Yup. The Nickelodeon star just confirmed to the mag (and subsequently, the world) that she’s got a bun in the oven courtesy of her “live-in” 19-year-old boyfriend, Casey Aldridge.

This is:

A) horrible news… and

B) even more confirmation that the Spears clan drinks a special kind of water spiked with “bad - decisions - that - will - effect - your - entire - life - and - ruin - your - career” vitamins.

While 10pm on a Tuesday night yields no comment from Nickelodeon, one can only assume that an unwed, pregnant teenager is not exactly the kind of role model they’re looking to endorse, and The Littlest Spears is most likely going to get a front row seat to her own career meltdown.

…That is, unless MTV calls her up and asks her to do a reality series.

“Jamie Lynn Spears: My Life As a Stupid, Pregnant Teenager” anyone?