Open relationships are not just a thing of the past, something your parents tried out on the weekends back in the 70’s before STDs existed. They are alive and well today. And I’m here to explain some of the pros and cons of such a relationship for those of you who may be interested in giving it a try, or who want your friend to give it a try so you can get with her boyfriend that’s too hot for words.

I have a good friend, I’ll call her Sandy, who recently decided that open was the best kind of relationship, so all of my advice is the direct result of her actual experiences that have been rehashed to me. My friend’s trial run didn’t turn out so well, she and her boyfriend eventually broke up, but she insists that it wasn’t all bad and that she’d do it again given the opportunity.

Cons
1) Your significant other is f**king someone else

This falls under the category of obvious, and something that can’t be emphasized enough. Someone else is hollowing out your girl, or on the flipside, your boy is balls-deep in a different box. I don’t think there’s really too much more to add here. I personally couldn’t stand the idea, but from what I’ve been told, when both partners are hooking up with different people it’s a lot easier. The trouble for my friend started when she wasn’t getting any from outside sources and her bf was getting a lot.

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A few weeks back, I shared a story involving me, my boyfriend and one crazy bitch. The girl refused to leave my boyfriend alone and I thought that having my boyfriend tell her to back off, then me, very forcefully, telling her to back off, would’ve been enough. Not so, people.

She didn’t get the not-so-subtle hint.

This biotch, who I’ve dubbed “Rachel” has struck again and this time, I am unsure of my next move. If telling someone to leave you alone doesn’t do the trick, what will?!

So, I am enlisting the help of my fellow CC-ers to steer me in the right direction. Below are some plans of action that I am considering. I need your unbiased opinions to help me make the right next move and get rid this crazy girl once and for all.

I could confront her, again. This time, face to face, in public, so she has no way of hiding behind her phone or computer and her naïve little, “I’m too good for everyone” façade will be shattered into a million little pieces. Read More »

I have never gone out with anyone who cheated on me (to the best of my knowledge). Like most other people, I tend to think that cheaters are the scum of the Earth and that they should be ostracized from society to sufficiently pay for the way they deeply hurt their partners by doing something so stupid.

However, if I give it some thought that’s more in-depth, I realize it’s not even close to that simple.

I’ve never cheated, no, but I’ve come damn close. Close enough so that if I was my boyfriend, I’d be really, really upset with me. I could make excuses all day—I didn’t realize what I had, my priorities weren’t straight, I was selfish, I was stupid… but at the end of the day, I still came pretty close.

There’s got to be something—some kind of line—that separates me, the almost-cheater, from someone else who actually has cheated. I don’t think I’m speaking ignorantly when I say that most cheaters regret their actions and feel bad about them.

But this post isn’t about why they do it—it’s about whether cheating is ever excusable. Read More »

So you have this boyfriend and you are so totally smitten. He is smart, he treats you well and he happens to be 3 inches taller than you…perfect. Things are going really well and you guys are gettin’ pretty serious; he has even met the parentals.

Huge!

And then you catch him at the bar downing a beer with some trampy blonde bimbo. What. the. hell? Is he really flirting right in front of you? Does he want to take this girl home? Is he trying to get into her (ugly/slutty) pants? She has nice boobs, yes, but does he even realize WHAT HE IS THROWING AWAY?

Hold on a second. Maybe you are over-reacting? Is there really something wrong with a little harmless flirting in a relationship? He is comin’ home with you, after all. Maybe it’s totally innocent. Maybe he’s telling that whore about his amazing girlfriend! And if not, he’s still comin’ home with you, right?

We asked our boy advisor to weigh in on this touchy (did you catch that pun? HA!) subject. Here is what he had to say. Read More »

As the Olympics began this past Friday night and many Americans were joined together in front of TV screens to cheer for Team USA, ABC’s Nightline took some of the spotlight away with a revealing interview with Senator John Edwards to discuss his confession to an extramarital affair that he had previously denied. He admitted that he had outwardly lied about his affair with 44 year-old Rielle Hunter, shaking up his image as a devoted husband and family man. John Edwards claims it was a short liaison with Hunter in 2006, and, though he had told his wife not long after, he has been keeping the story under wraps.

The host of Nightline had no qualms about digging deep into Edwards’ motives:

WOODRUFF: Your wife, Elizabeth, is probably the most admired and beloved person in this country, she’s had enormous sympathy because she’s also gone through cancer, how could you have done this?

Not really an easy question to answer. Edwards didn’t do the greatest job of answering it, either. He starts off informing Woodruff that she was actually in remission during the affair, which he states was obviously no excuse (well, of course not). Edwards did make a good point that he, like many other politicians/CEOs/people of inflated power and stature have, fell prey to egotism, narcissism, and overall self-importance which led him to act like he was beyond the acceptable moral code of society.

The interview continued with his denial of being the father of Hunter’s child and that he was photographed with her baby (though his language presents an “answer” but still seems to kind of get out of it). He also denies that he was paying any hush money to Hunter (even though evidence suggests otherwise). Read More »

Putting aside the very hairy area of cheating in relationships, I’m wondering about academic cheating. Before college, I attended a very small, liberal all-girls school where everyone knew everyone else and we were all trained to be as “honorable” as could be. We all had to re-sign an extensive honor code each year, and there were serious penalties for violating it.

I remember in my senior year of high school, one girl was found to have plagiarized part of a paper from the internet. Not only was she suspended; she had to deliver a speech in front of the entire class, explaining why plagiarism was wrong.

Princeton has been particularly aggressive on the cheating front in the same way. We have honor code meetings, have to write a page on matriculation illustrating our understanding of it, and get regular updates from the honor committee. All the same, when I arrived there I discovered whole new layers of gray areas.

In problem set classes, for example, there are plenty of people who like to work in study groups. That’s all well and good, except when “study groups” turn into “let’s just copy the answers off each other.” I thought that kind of behavior was only in the occasional math class, but I was surprised to learn that it’s much more prevalent in college. When all that matters for your future career is that good grade in an Orgo class, it can be extremely tempting just to write down the process and answer of your friends, whether you understand it or not, and worry about the final exam later. Read More »

I am an expert in awkward situations. When I first meet people, more often than not, I leave a horrible first impression. I am similarly awkward in my attempts to be a part of the dating scene.

Just last week, a coworker exclaimed, “Kathryn, you have no game. Your entire approach is off!” Yes, this is true. But somehow, I still get some action, which is why she followed her (rather harsh) declaration with the question, “How do you do it?”

Still, no matter how many times I’ve immediately wished I could retract the bizarre statement that just came out of my mouth, I’ve also been with, or had friends who have been with, equally hopeless guys.

Reviewing my own traumatic events, as well as some of my friends’ bizarre sexual encounters, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst things to say during sex. Because I’m a woman, they are written from a female perspective, but each of these can be just as cringe-worthy coming from a guy.

1. “Ohhhh, Michael… I mean… Dan?”
Make sure you know the name of the person you’re inviting past the pearly gates. Calling someone by another name will at once crush your partner’s ego and make you look sleazy. Once, I was hooking up with a guy and he proceeded to pour out his feelings for another girl… and try to get my advice on how to go about courting her. That really sucked, and he was pissed when I cut our session short. Read More »

There are lots of things you don’t know about a man when you meet him at a bar. Like, where he lives. Or who he knows. Or, sometimes, his name (which makes the phone number exchange mighty awkward the next morning). It is all part of the mystery, the fun…and the nature of the situation. Usually it’s better that way; knowing that kid likes Star Wars is not going to help set the mood.

Or, I don’t know…knowing he has a girlfriend?

I found myself in that precarious situation this past weekend. I was hangin’ out when I was approached by a fine specimen of a man. He was tall, dressed really well and his smile made me melt. We totally hit it off and soon found ourselves making out in the bar like we were Freshmen at a frat party.

He invited me back to his place and, eagerly, I obliged.

When we arrived back at his place – which was a far cab ride from my own abode – he went to the kitchen to get some much needed water and I started to look around. And I began to notice a recurring theme: cute kissy photos of him and a very adorable looking girl. Tons of them. Everywhere.

Clearly, this boy had a girlfriend. Read More »

Seriously, how awkward is the break-up convo? In the words of 90s one-hit-wonder Nada Surf, “even if you’ve gone together for only a short time, and haven’t been too serious, there’s still a feeling of rejection when someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company.”

Sometimes, I think finding out that your mate has cheated is a blessing in disguise, because you can sidestep the entire “this isn’t working” discussion and end things in an explosive fight instead. Of course, for those of us who just had to choose nice, faithful boys, it can be hard to let the poor guy down. So, we make up excuses. Sometimes we even lie. Read More »

Why (oh why) can’t some girls just let some things go?

Take my situation for instance and please, shed some light.

I am in a relationship with a very wonderful guy; we’ve been dating for a little over six months and things are great. Before we met and started dating, my now boyfriend had a semi-relationship with this girl and, to spare humiliation even though she deserves it, let’s just call her Rachel (which is NOT her real name).

Rachel and my boyfriend were “hanging out” (using this term loosely, use your imagination here) for a few months while Rachel was in a serious relationship with someone else. So, she was cheating on her current boyfriend with my now boyfriend, without any regard for anyone’s feelings but her own.

When my boyfriend and I got together, I kept light about the situation, but told him that I did not want to start things with him if things were not finished with her. He broke off whatever affair they were having because he wanted to pursue me. He let her go. She, on the other hand, held on…with a death grip. Read More »