In this ep, Dina and Ali struggle with the dilemma of getting older (Ali feels the need to express maturity by exposing as mush flesh as possible, and Dina attempts to avoid the process all together). There is a scramble to finish Ali’s album after she strikes Jeremy’s involvement in the project. E-man comes back (who I, inexpicably and until now, thought was this guy ) resurrect Ali’s now incomplete LP. His new song is pretty damn good, and Ali sounds quite decent singing it.

Regardless of voice quality though, her clothing (and I state the following with the full knowledge that I sound like my Nana) is highly indecent. If Ali’s sole purpose this half hour was to expose as much flesh as possible, she beyond succeeded. I’m talking more copious amounts of mid-driff than usual people. In one scene she actually wears what I believe to be a short, Lycra unitard. After I stopped laughing at my use of the word unitard, I pondered how she manages not to suffocate her vagina.

All thoughts of Ali Lohan’s vajay aside, I snapped back to reality (television, that is) to see a Chris Crocker look alike stalking Dina at the gym. Turns out he’s a choreographer. After checking out his myspace page, DiLo calls him and for some reason feels the urge to say “Yes it’s really me,” and agrees to check out his moves at the Pearl. This is the beginning of what I believe to be a beautiful and staged relationship between a gay man and hetero woman. Read More »

Who didn’t love Heather from Rock of Love?

The stripper turned business woman took some time out of her insane schedule to talk to us at College Candy and had some interesting things to say about life, her plans for the future, and finding a house.

The insanity surrounding the show can break some (Has Rodeo really lost her mind? Heather won’t say…) but this girl seems to have her head on straight on how to fully utilize her reality fame. Here’s what the classiest broad on TV had to say:

College Candy: So what are you doing today?
Heather: Well right now I’m about to take a shower, then I have a big meeting with VH1. I’m meeting up with Brooke Hogan afterwards and she and I are going house shopping in LA together.

CC: Brooke Hogan?? How did you two hookup?
H: Brooke and I met at the Reality Show awards and totally hit it off. She’s a great girl and someone I really enjoy spending time with. She’s looking for a place too.

CC: That’s a whole lot of blonde; any chance it’ll be filmed?
H: I can’t discuss what I’m doing in terms of TV. It’s all very hush hush, but the meeting today with VH1 is to talk about what I’m doing next with them. People all over the internet want to know what’s going on with me so I’m trying to get something going so people can see.

CC: Are you really moving in with Chris Crocker?
H: No, I just threw that out there because I thought it would be funny idea. I was never really that serious about it but the press just ate it up and ran with it. Read More »

I’ll admit it; I’ve always wanted to be famous. But you see, I’ve never been supremely talented at anything. But with the unabated rise of reality television, I’ve come to realize that you don’t need talent to be famous. You just have to be really, really, REALLY weird.

On that note: Helloooo Chris Crocker!

The person who’s stolen our hearts with his/her defiant (albeit staged… it was a second take!) rant in the aftermath of Britney’s VMA meltdown has signed with a production company in order to develop his own show. Gag me now.

Does it bother anyone else that this guy gets a TV deal?

For one, can we even call him a guy? Shouldn’t it send up warning signals when every single person whom I watch his infamous video with can’t even discern his sex? Would he/she or anyone else be offended if he was referred to as a she-male? Eh, none of this is either here nor there.

The point is, as far as I can tell, this guy has nothing going for him outside of his ability to absolutely creep the living daylights out of anyone who watches him. Sure, we get a laugh out of it the first time we see him, but after that, am I the only person who finds it hard to watch him? And now we’re supposed to watch him in entire half-hour segments? Read More »

I hate to see summer go. As soon as September gets rolling, there’s absolutely no chance that those long, lazy days are coming back. Fall is fantastic, don’t get me wrong, it’s winter I have a beef with.

Winter can sorta be a bitch, especially around my neck of the woods, and thinking about walking down the street with wind whipping hair into my face and slush flying at me from racing taxis is enough to get me screaming like Chris Crocker.

I’ve lived on the East Coast for most of my life, and I get pissed off at winter each and every season.

Good for all of us that we’ve still got a few more weeks before things turn blustery (and I pull out the anti-depressants). As a little homage to my favorite season, I’d like to say goodbye to summer this weekend with a yummy, colorful desert.

Vanilla Wafer Sandwiches

• 1 box Nilla Wafers
• Strawberry ice cream
• Banana ice cream
• 1 banana
• (optional) melon baller

Take out 10 vanilla wafers*, and put five of them on a plate. Using your melon baller or a small spoon, scoop a small scoop of either the strawberry or banana ice cream onto one water. Top with a slice of banana.

Put a second wafer on top of your creation, and stick the whole thing in the freezer to allow them to set. Read More »

What do you get when you mix a bleached midwestern queen screaming under his bedsheet, with a monotonous, bouncing, electric piano line?

A whole lot of pain - chocolate pain. Here is our rendition of the newest YouTube crazy, Chris Crocker ranting over Tay Zonday’s viral classic, “Chocolate Rain”.

The end result ain’t pretty. We apologize in advance.

He’s EVERYWHERE! He’s a PHENOMENON! He’s THE NEXT BIG VIRAL VIDEO STAR!

You may not have heard the name Chris Crocker before yesterday, but thanks to Britney and her whore-endous VMA performance, his not-so-uncommon rants via YouTube are now, seriously, all over the Internet and he has the most watched Myspace pages of all.

But this southern 19-year-old, who on his Myspace page, calls himself “The New Christ” wants to meet the “man of his wet dreams” (don’t we all).

He only reveals his hometown as Real Bitch Island (I wonder if Americans can point out this gem on a map) has been viewed millions and millions of times before - he has just never had this much media attention.

The stars have finally aligned for Crocker and his…passion…for Britney and pink lipstick has catapulted his popularity overnight.

He has 66 YouTube videos, all bat sh*t crazy postings about everything from hair flipping to nose picking.

He also does characters! My fave is Earl Annie Edna, who will probably be in my nightmares tonight. But none are as in demand right now as “Leave Britney Alone,” which has gotten well over a million clicks and is simply addicting to watch. Read More »

Leave Britney alone!

No? You don’t want to either? Like the majority of America, I watched the Video Music Awards for one thing and one thing only: Britney’s comeback.

Criss Angel was going to help her walk though mirrors. Maybe there’d be smoke. A snake? High wires? Explosions! Something big.

At 9:00 pm on the dot I ran out of the shower and sat in front of the TV like a little kid on Saturday morning, eagerly awaiting one of the “biggest comebacks in decades”.

And then, we all know what happened.

I don’t know a lot about dancing, but I know that when you start off your routine looking like an awkward 7th grader at their first boy/girl dance, something is wrong. I also know almost falling over in your shoes and needing your dancers to help you up and down steps is something my grandma does (except my grandma doesn’t use dancers…that would be excessive).

50 Cent seemed confused, Rihanna laughed her ass off, and Mindfreak Moron was nowhere to be found. There was no smoke, no theme, and not even a good costume (you’ve had two kids, girl. Give those sequined undies a rest). Read More »