[I used to think I knew everything…until I found myself stranded in the middle of adulthood with no map and no one to guide me when I got lost. I have learned a lot since then - from how to balance a checkbook to how to sew on a button - and will share my wisdom with you. Every Monday I will be back to teach you how to do something useful, even if it also happens to be completely random. Because, hey, you never know when you just might need to know how to change a tire…or mix a perfect martini.]

It happens—you’re out to dinner (most likely with someone you find attractive), you order some sweet-potato fries, and suddenly the glob of grease that was on its way to your mouth is blossoming all over your new white sweater/ blouse/ pants/ tank/ beautiful item of clothing. You might have to keep that glob around for the night (and swear to god that it is the only thing attractive boy is looking at), but you can get it out. Yes, even without mom’s help.

The first rule of thumb for getting rid of (embarassing) grease stains is more of a don’t than a do: don’t toss that sucker in the laundry basket when you get home and “deal with it later.” Detergent and water will NOT remove grease stains, so you’re going to have to get tough.

Now onto the do…
Perhaps the easiest thing to try is a stain-removal spray. You can find them in any store right by the detergents, and if you spray them on stains pre-wash and rub them in, they’re supposed to take any spots right out. I say “supposed to” because my spray is a little full of itself and doesn’t work quite as advertised.

If that doesn’t work, this page will totally bail you out. This person has compiled dozens of tips featuring numerous household items that will likely be able to save you in a pinch.

Most successful for me have been the following: Read More »

Do you ever stare at yourself in the mirror and think, “damn, I wish I could lift my ass up but not add any padding, plus it would be nice to slim my thighs at the same time and tuck my tummy and basically lock my body into suffocating spandex“? Well, if you’ve ever thought these odd things: someone has heard you.

Bubbles Bodywear has come up with “The Double-O Push-Up Thong,” which is basically a bra for your butt. It’s supposed to tone and shape your ass while slimming your thighs and holding in your stomach — all the while shoving itself up your butt crack.

The best thing about The Double-O is that it costs $64!! Nothing makes a girl smile like spending loads of money on an item of clothing that no one will see (and those who do will have so. many. questions.) and which will also be needlessly uncomfortable. Seems like Bubbles Bodywear totally understands the need for women to strap themselves in to point of asphyxiation.

Tell me if this sounds familiar: you’re relaxing in bed on a Sunday with a cup of coffee, coaxing the knot out of your brain left after five margaritas at Cabo Cantina, and flipping through the latest issue of Vogue, Bazaar, or Elle. After two hundred pages of Zac Posen dresses, Louboutin heels, Marc Jacobs bags, and “Smart Splurges Under $500,” you begin to cry.

Even if you traded in that hard-earned internship for a paid job delivering pizzas; even if you dropped out of school and stopped paying tuition; even if you sold a kidney, maybe two, on the black market in Thailand you still wouldn’t be able to afford a pair of $14,000 knee high alligator boots from Manolo Blahnik, or a $20,000 Hermes “Birkin” bag.

If you’re a dedicated follower of fashion like me, but poor as hell (like me), you need to know about these discount shopping websites: (In alphabetical order.)

amazon.com This site isn’t just for discounted books anymore. Amazon’s apparel and accessories department offers equally amazing deals on clothing, bags, and shoes from all the top labels. There are deals for every price range from over-the-knee patent boots from Jimmy Choo for $379 ($620 off the original price) to Seven7 skinny jeans for $18, a 70% mark down.

asos.com As Seen on Screen is a British company that specializes in trendy fashion items that are based on (or the same as) items worn by your favorite celebrities. They’ve got ASOS brand leather knee-high gladiators in the style of Ashley Olsen for £55 (about $102), a studded belt identical to the one Carrie wore in the “Sex and the City” movie for £15 (about $28), and an amazing selection of items from independent designers like a sheer chiffon floral top by To Love Kuvaa for £30 (about $56). Read More »

Rather than doing my laundry I often find it fun to buy new things…particularly underwear. I know I’m not the only one, either. Laundry day or Victoria’s Secret? C’mon.

Granted, it would be much cheaper to wash, but I digress.

Just yesterday I hit a low point in my stack of floral, striped, polka dot, lace, days of the week undies, and even every thong…so I headed out in search of spankin new skivvies.

I found myself at Urban Outfitters (it’s always fun running through Urban, checking out the goods but lately I’ve noticed EVERYTHING is a play on Vintage. I work in Vintage clothing sales and it’s hard to buy a “Vintage” looking top when you know five girls on the street will be wearing it too).

I’m getting away from my point — back to the underthing situation. I grabbed a sweet little lace forest green bra (so cute and comfortable) and three pairs of “Smack” underwear in solid shades of yellow, blue, and purple. I was excited, the colors were muted and the cotton felt soft.

Ha! Excited, nothing! I was swindled. Read More »

Shopping can be hard work. How many times have you walked out of a store or clicked off a website saying, “I’ll come back later to see if it goes on sale”? And how many times have you actually remembered to go back and check? Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you had a personal shopper?

Well, now you can have your very own personal shopper with just a few clicks of the mouse. The new website, Shop It To Me, is your web-based personal shopper, helping you shop the best deals with barely any work on your part. Shopping where I can sit back and relax (and possibly even nap) and still find good bargains? Count me in! Read More »

The Setting: an American Apparel store in Brooklyn
The Characters: 2 girls, about 13 years old, and me

And, scene:

I am waiting to try on some cropped cotton pants, which will be perfect for the new gym I joined.

“Ugh, this is SO tight, I look SO fat!” says one 13 year old girl. She and her friend are occupying the only dressing rooms.

She emerges, in a backless leotard and a skin-tight mini skirt.

Her friend emerges as well, in gold lame hot pants.

“No, you look cute! I like it!”

“But like, you can see my back.”

“Yeah but it’s so cute! My ass looks huge in these,” she says, as they stand in the open dressing room, preening and posing in front of the harshly lit mirror. I am still waiting, but they don’t seem to notice, instead gazing like Narcissus at the river. How inappropriate, I think, that 13-year-old girls are trying on gold lame hot pants. Then I look around and see the life-sized photographs of underage models staring down at me. They look drugged out. They are overly sexualized. Suddenly I don’t want the pants anymore. I throw them down and leave. Read More »

The AP has picked up a news story reporting that authorities seized two display photos from an Abercrombie & Fitch store in Virginia, citing the management on “misdemeanor obscenity” charges.

Looking at the photo on the link as a twentysomething chick, I don’t see much that’s obscene about it, but it does piss me off for other reasons.

Abercrombie & Fitch has been pulling the same shit for years; their entire retail strategy consists of selling clothes through barely-clad models. Excuse me, but if I’m buying a piece of clothing, I don’t want somebody to be taking it off in the ad unless it’s a Victoria’s Secret bra.

Abercrombie, are you selling me a naked man? No? Then change your freaking advertisements. New York & Company was able to run a highly successful ad campaign last year featuring Patrick Dempsey, a known hot man, but there was one key difference: he was actually wearing clothes. Read More »

Gone are the days when you can curl up in your boyfriend’s well-worn sweatpants and favorite t-shirt. According to fashion experts, you’ll soon be curling up in his designer suit. That’s right, it seems that men are actually shopping for more than video games and Superbowl snacks–they’re actually buying clothes.

I knew I was in trouble when my ex-boyfriend, a hairy, beer-guzzling, sweats-wearing, man’s man, couldn’t shut up about the amazing sales at Macy’s last week. Sweaters and blazers and silk ties, oh my!

“It’s that post-’metrosexual’ generation. They read Men’s Vogue or Details, and it’s not considered ‘gay’ to be interested in fashion,” Michael Macko, vice president and men’s fashion director at Saks Fifth Avenue told the International Herald Tribune. “Going shopping with a girlfriend is an activity like going to the movies.”

And they’re not taking cues from their fathers either—they’re looking to our favorite red-carpet men like Brad Pitt and Justin Timberlake for style advice, opting for “shorter, more tightly fitted jackets; narrower lapels and skinnier pants without pleats.” Read More »