[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

I am the queen of terrible dates. Good or bad, I’ve always been the girl that “gives him a chance (or two)” often to a fault. After losing some blood, skin, and half of a tooth on my last date (no lie, I can’t make up stuff this good), I decided that enough is enough. No other girl should have to go through the pain of being toothless for two weeks during finals - it’s just wrong.

As a result, I’ve put together a survival guide to navigate you through the three most painful date scenarios you may ever encounter.

1. He wants to pregame with you – before your date.
There is nothing wrong with having a little somethin’ somethin’ before a date, but a trashed date should be a red flag. There are three things that go really well with heavy intoxication: vomit, awkward hook-ups, and injury. Ironically, these are three things clash with dates like Crocs with…anything. So what do you do if your date downs three long islands by the time you order your appetizers? First and foremost, I hope you didn’t wear heels since you will be walking all night thanks to Drunky Danny. If you made the fatal mistake of wearing heels, do not under any circumstances accept any sort of offer from your date to carry you home. Believe me, there is more than one muscle that gets weaker upon intoxication, which may cause him to severely overestimate his strength. Other than that, you can’t really do anything other than put his drunk ass to bed, run home as fast as you can, and never go out with that guy ever again. Read More »

Being a celebrity no doubt makes otherwise normal people completely effing insane. All those flashbulbs, all that attention, adoring fans throwing themselves at your feet (and towards your bed)…it’s no wonder so many famous people have egos to the size of their bank accounts.

Ego and rock’n'roll usually go hand in hand, but there are certain artists who defy expectations in the douchebag department. Certain rockers who just can’t keep their mouths shut — whether there’s a stage mic or a report’s mic in front of them. Certain dudes who make our top 5 Cockiest Rocker Dbags.

5) Noel Gallagher

Remember this douche? Yah. Not many people do. For some reason Oasis is still making music, but the only thing we ever heard when we looked at them were the words “ugly” and “all-our-songs-sound-the-same” Read More »

I was sick of dating “bad boys” and dudes from the not-so-smart category. I wanted to date an intellectual, a nice guy.

Instead, I got Mr. Deceptive.

Mr. Deceptive was definitely smart, but he wasn’t as nice as he made himself out to be. He was a Nice Guy Poser.

I think the first time I realized this was when I saw him interacting with a florist he used pretty regularly. (Yes, he sent flowers to people often enough to be a regular at a florist! And no, that doesn’t make him the dream boyfriend you’d think it would.)

During this particular visit, Mr. Deceptive wanted to arrange to send flowers to a colleague’s wife’s funeral.

“How much do you want to spend? ” the florist asked as he started to show Mr. Deceptive the flowers he recommended.

“Oh, about $50 or $60,” Mr. Deceptive answered.

Even I, who admittedly knows nothing about funeral flower arrangements, thought that seemed a bit low. Turned out I was right. The florist hesitated and looked at Mr. Deceptive quite hard. “May I suggest you send a live plant to the person’s house, instead?” he asked carefully. Read More »

“My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole,” or so begins Tucker Max’s website. And he ain’t lying.

Tucker Max is the author of his—fittingly narcissistic—self-titled website, where he has published over 80 very detailed stories about his ridiculous sex soirées. This guy is a true work of art. He published this disclaimer:

“If you are a reasonably intelligent female, it should be obvious that you don’t want to date me. I am shallow, narcissistic, self-absorbed, and insufferably arrogant. I have no desire to commit to anything beyond a cell phone contract. At any given time, I am fucking multiple women, and will not give up that sexual freedom for a partner.”

He writes the most grotesque (but addictively entertaining) stories about banging midgets, trying anal sex and dating (and getting sued by) Miss Vermont. Oh yea, there was also that story about a girl who tattooed “I fucked Tucker Max” on her vajayjay three hours after meeting him. Read More »