Dear Britney,

I hope this letter finds you well. Or at least wearing a pair of underwear. I am writing to you today on behalf of all of us 20-something women who spent our high school and college years dancing/working out to your music and thinking of your ridiculous abs as we lay on the gym floor willing ourselves to do one last crunch.

We are worried about you, Britney.

It was only a few years ago that you sat atop the world in a one piece leather jumpsuit. Then along came Kevin. You fell in love, you got married and decided to bow out of the spotlight for a bit. That’s fine. I could have used a few new songs on my workout playlist, but everyone is entitled to a little “me” time. But, somehow, “Britney” time turned into “Trailer Park” time and we saw what can now be considered the furthest fall for a celeb since Michael Jackson started touching little boys.

What happened behind the closed doors at camp Spears? How did you go from the hottest thing on the planet to this?

Britney, while you totally screwed the pooch at the VMA’s (a bra and panty set? Really?!) and, while we’re at it, at raising children, it really isn’t that hard for you to make a comeback. Maybe not as a mega pop star, but at least as someone not totally crazy/white trash and who has a shred of dignity. And who can keep her eyelashes in the correct place while doing a giant interview on NBC. Read More »

Leave Britney alone!

No? You don’t want to either? Like the majority of America, I watched the Video Music Awards for one thing and one thing only: Britney’s comeback.

Criss Angel was going to help her walk though mirrors. Maybe there’d be smoke. A snake? High wires? Explosions! Something big.

At 9:00 pm on the dot I ran out of the shower and sat in front of the TV like a little kid on Saturday morning, eagerly awaiting one of the “biggest comebacks in decades”.

And then, we all know what happened.

I don’t know a lot about dancing, but I know that when you start off your routine looking like an awkward 7th grader at their first boy/girl dance, something is wrong. I also know almost falling over in your shoes and needing your dancers to help you up and down steps is something my grandma does (except my grandma doesn’t use dancers…that would be excessive).

50 Cent seemed confused, Rihanna laughed her ass off, and Mindfreak Moron was nowhere to be found. There was no smoke, no theme, and not even a good costume (you’ve had two kids, girl. Give those sequined undies a rest). Read More »

The only reason I hesitate to proclaim LL’s career completely dead is because comebacks are so big these days. She could land herself a E! series, or maybe even some giant Barbara Walters special where she cries. There’s a chance Lindsay could rise again.

But just in case she doesn’t, Hollywood had better start looking for new big-boobed starlets.

A New York Times article (yup, even the grand old NYT is digging through Tinseltown garbage these days…) claims now that Lindsay has been arrested twice, she’s basically uninsuriable. And when you’re uninsuriable in Hollywood, everything fades to black.

If a production company can’t be sure a star will show up for work or stay out of jail, it’s unlikely she’ll be hired. One missed day can mean hundreds of thousands of dollars down the drain, and almost no actress is worth that kind of anxiety. Combine Lindsay’s unpredictable behavior with her less-than-stellar film record, and you’ve got a girl who can be (and most likely already has been) replaced.

Poor Things, a small independent film (that was supposed to begin shooting shortly) in which LiLo had only a supporting role, was recently plagued by rumors of an early demise after Lindsay’s first rehab stint. Since the starlet was arrested a second time, the movie’s producer claims the film is “moving on” – supposedly without the troubled star. Read More »

I can’t pinpoint exactly when my irrational affection for Britney Spears began. I remember watching “…Baby One More Time” on TRL, but I’m not sure it goes back that far. Maybe it started at a school dance, when I requested “Oops!… I Did It Again.” Or it just might have to do with the fact that I can also enjoy an entire family size bag of Cheetos now and again.

I do know that when Britney stopped by The Late Show with David Letterman last November, rocking a sleek new haircut and a hotter body than we’d seen in quite a while, I cheered. In fact, I was inspired. Thanks to the aforementioned bags of Cheetos, I wasn’t looking so hot myself at the time, but if Britney could pull herself together, I could find my way back to the gym, too!

And when she dumped K-Fed the very next day, I really began to hope. “I’m so proud of her,” I told my suitemates. “In fact,” I declared, “if she comes out with a new album, I will seriously buy it.”

Well, you know what happened next. There was drinking, bloating, shaving her head, in rehab, out of rehab, ridiculous wigs, more rehab. And those are just the highlights. Her “comeback” mini-tour wasn’t exactly encouraging, either. Read More »

This is what you call a comeback?

Britney Spears’s performance at the House of Blues in Orlando on Saturday night apparently went very wrong. According to a source, while the mother of two was dancing and lip syncing to some of her old tunes, her CD skipped, causing Spears to momentarily freak out and “turn her back on the audience”.

The source continues, “when [the skipping] stopped, she turned around with this look on her face like she was gonna puke!!! I really felt bad for her. Then the thing started skipping really badly again!!! And then again and again. It was crazy.”

Do you care that Britney lipsyncs her live shows?

Some of the audience booed, other people cheered, and most were probably wondering why they had paid so much money for a 15 minute performance. Read More »