How do I hate celebrities with tiny dogs? Let me count the ways.

First, they treat their dogs as accessories. While I traditionally think that any dog smaller than a microwave is ugly, it’s not a tiny dog’s fault that he or she was born tiny. It is, however, a celebrity owner’s fault if she treats her dog as if it were a fashionable new Prada belt.

Hello! A dog is a living thing! If you’re going to treat it like a diamond necklace instead of like an animal, don’t get it in the first place. Yes, Paris Hilton, I am talking to you.

Point two—microscopic dogs are not cute. I know I already covered this, but it’s so important I feel the need to say it again. When a celebrity with flowing locks and perfect makeup is slobbering all over her Chihuahua, it looks like she’s kissing Swamp Thing. The fact that anyone would want to touch lips that have kissed every inch of a dog the size of a cotton ball is a mystery to me. Read More »