[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

I am the queen of terrible dates. Good or bad, I’ve always been the girl that “gives him a chance (or two)” often to a fault. After losing some blood, skin, and half of a tooth on my last date (no lie, I can’t make up stuff this good), I decided that enough is enough. No other girl should have to go through the pain of being toothless for two weeks during finals - it’s just wrong.

As a result, I’ve put together a survival guide to navigate you through the three most painful date scenarios you may ever encounter.

1. He wants to pregame with you – before your date.
There is nothing wrong with having a little somethin’ somethin’ before a date, but a trashed date should be a red flag. There are three things that go really well with heavy intoxication: vomit, awkward hook-ups, and injury. Ironically, these are three things clash with dates like Crocs with…anything. So what do you do if your date downs three long islands by the time you order your appetizers? First and foremost, I hope you didn’t wear heels since you will be walking all night thanks to Drunky Danny. If you made the fatal mistake of wearing heels, do not under any circumstances accept any sort of offer from your date to carry you home. Believe me, there is more than one muscle that gets weaker upon intoxication, which may cause him to severely overestimate his strength. Other than that, you can’t really do anything other than put his drunk ass to bed, run home as fast as you can, and never go out with that guy ever again. Read More »

I don’t know when or why it happened, but some time in the last few years people started popping up all over the place wearing orthopedic shoes. Brightly colored, rubber orthopedic shoes. And then they started sticking little decorations on them.
And then, gasp, I saw them being sold at Nordstrom.

Which is where I learned that the shoes were called Crocs and, despite being the most horrifically ugly footwear since the Moon Boot, they were very popular.

“They are so comfortable,” my 30-year-old brother said after I gagged when I saw him wearing them.

Since when does the entire world give up fashion for comfort? Seriously, my grandma wouldn’t even be caught dead in those things.

Well, the….er….masterminds behind the Croc heard my complaint. Sorta. They have been working feverishly to expand their product into the not-so-ugly market and have now done it with….

Wait for it….

The Croc High Heel.

I really didn’t think it could get any worse than the original, but, alas, I was wrong. I don’t care how comfortable these things are, I would rather walk home from the bar with 2 bloody stumps than even try these things on in stores.

If you know what is good for you (and fashion as a whole) you will not give in to the crazies over at Croc. No matter how high the heel or the comfort level.

So I’m unsure if I’m just behind the times or if this is really a new development, but lately while strolling about town I’ve noticed in various storefronts and on various idiots new styles of the ever-so-lovely Croc sandal…thingy. But, as the Croc 2.0 is still made of rubber and is still, in fact, a Croc, I find myself wondering, really, what is the f*cking point?

I’ll admit, when I spotted my first Croc in the summer of 2005, I was actually impressed by its foamy, walking-on-air comfort and even considered purchasing a pair to sport during my waitressing job. Then I saw a few people at work wearing them (over white ankle socks, no less), realized that they were in fact the bastard love child of a whiffle ball and a gardening clog, and quickly decided that, while my Chucks may not exactly be arch-friendly, at least they’re fresh looking.

But, to get back to the matter at hand, declining sales in the past year seem to have alerted the Croc powers that be to the fact that their product is absolutely f*cking hideous, and the company is now attempting to remedy the situation with different variations on the rubber shoe. Read More »

I remember going into a store once, contemplating the purchase of a pair of Crocs.

All I remember is taking a look at the sheer brightness of the neon orange rubber and thinking, “Will I actually wear these things after one day?”

No. Probably not.

Yes, they’re comfy, they’re quirky and they’ve got that whole hippie vibe goin’ on, but…they’re ugly.

And being that, if I was gonna do it, I was gonna do it right - with an utterly ridiculous shade of electric green or cotton candy pink - they would match none of my clothes. I’d end up looking very, very silly, along with all the other silly Croc-footed people that jumped on the rubber-soled bandwagon this past year. Read More »