[Editor’s Note: New York Magazine does these Sex Diaries that are sometimes cool, sometimes lame. Sometimes they’re interesting portrayals of every day life, and sometimes they make it seem like EVERYONE in New York City is having copious amounts of crazy sex — which isn’t always the case, btw. What would happen, I wondered, if some of CC’s writers blogged about their sex life for a week? Would it be cooler? Funnier? More believable?

Let’s see…]

DAY ONE
7:05 a.m. Boyfriend wakes me up to kiss me before he goes to work, like he does every morning. Like every morning, I feel guilty about my morning breath, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
3:45 Boyfriend comes home early and suggests a quickie.
3:46 Boyfriend catches my unenthusiastic response and tells me never mind. I feel awful, as I do every time I turn him down, but I’ve been cleaning all day without a shower and I had just finished an hour of wii fit so I was sore. I promise him that I’ll make it up to him later that night.
1:22 a.m. Come home from seeing a friend’s band play. Still too sore and tired for sex, so I offer him a blow job as soon as we get home. Read More »

Show of hands, ladies—how many times have you been psyched when the guy you’re hooking up with starts heading downtown, only to be left confused and frustrated a few minutes later?

We’ve all been there. Things are going well, he’s got a good rhythm going, and then somewhere along the line, he’s doing that thing that you hate.

You shift your hips, clear your throat, wiggle around, but for some reason, can’t bring yourself to speak up and say, “uh, about 2 inches to your left, buddy.”

Five minutes later, you’ve given up and are mentally compiling your to-do list until it’s over.

The more my friends and I started complaining to each other about this, the more I realized just how big of a problem it is. One friend of mine has just resigned herself to that idea that as much as she loves her boyfriend, it’s just not going to happen. EVER.

Another is convinced that there’s something wrong with her. But guess what? According to sex advice column Ask Dan and Jennifer, just only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm. The key word here is “properly.”

Maybe it’s just too many years of Sex and the City influence, but my girl friends and I talk about going down all the time—suction, speed, tips and tricks. We’re eager to please.

Hell, even my gay guy friends joins in for a guy’s perspective. So, what about our boyfriends (or un-boyfriends)? Read More »

File this under: Fun Things to Bring Up During a Party.

Although it’s not 100% provable, there’s a big movement that claims drinking a glass of pineapple juice a day may sweeten semen.

Since what comes out of us can only be made up of what goes into us, our “secretions” (horrible word) tend to change slightly depending on what we eat.

Dairy and certain types of meat are supposed to make things not-so-nice, while pineapple juice and “high grade alcoholic drinks” are said to make things sweeter.

Illustrating the history behind this news, Jezebel recently found a Del Monte pineapple juice ad from the 1930’s with italics in all the right places:

“Cater to his fondness for flavor” the ad urges homemakers, “…men like the rich, ripe taste of this juice…the bracing refreshment it always brings…and so will you.”

I may not know much, but I know vague references to cunnilingus when I see it.