(And we didn’t even have to pay $10,000,000 for ‘em)

So, I’m tired this morning. All that Democrat bashing and baby hair licking at the Republican National Convention last night kept me up late. Since I can’t get productive until this Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte kicks in (yes, they are back!), I decided to peruse the interwebs for awhile.

And boy did I find a gem.

Want to know what your baby would look like if you could somehow seduce Brad Pitt or Michael Jackson? Want to know if you and the BF are gonna have ugly children? What about the ex and his ugly new whore?

Just plug the photos into this site, wait a mere 30 seconds (much better than nine months of morning sickness) and, voila! A baby.

I don’t really want kids - in fact, I spend a lot of money not to - so I decided to see what my pals Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston’s baby would look like. You know, cuz they are gonna have one in a few months, even though he made it abundantly clear on his MySpace page that he doesn’t want any.

She’s got her daddy’s forehead and her momma’s mouth. Let’s just hope she doesn’t have her grandma’s political views.

Since my surgery last week (I’ll spare you the details, but it sucked. SUCKED), I haven’t been doing a lot besides popping pain pills and watching TV. I’ve watched so much TV in the last 9 days that I’m seeing not just repeats, but thrice-peats, on every single channel.

Because nighttime is the worst, I tend to be unable to move enough to even change the channel, thus rendering me helpless to my parents’ whims and the oddness this Nation televises every four years: The Democratic Convention.

Politics often mystify me, even though I try to learn as much as I can from a few different outlets, so I was prepared to feel stupid in the wake of so much government and strategy mumbo jumbo (plus, I was taking a lot of pain meds the last three nights…they make the world seem complicated). But instead of feeling like a lame invalid who knows nothing, I felt something stronger rising up in my chest (and no it was not barf) — I felt laughter. Incredulous laughter at the sheer ridiculous of this political phenomenon.

If you haven’t caught the Convention yet — and you really should because stupid or not it is history — let me break down how most of the speeches go:

Democrat (usually a Senator, Senator’s wife, or, if it was last night, the Vice Presidential nominee): I am proud (applause) of being a Democrat (GIANT APPLAUSE) and thanks to all of you (applause) for being such damn good human beings (applause) and believing that this country has turned to sh*t under Republican rule! (GIANT APPLAUSE). Barak (applause) Obama (APPLAUSE) is our future (Applause lasting 5 minutes) and John McCain (boos) loves Bush (GIANT BOOS) and is old (applause) and wants to stay in the old way of thinking. (boos) YES BARAK OBAMA!! (Giant applause and shot of Bill Clinton with his mouth open) Read More »

Peter Sagal, author and host of NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” (a show for smart democrats, and other people who enjoy playing games of wit on the radio), is so freaking pissed. And I love it.

I love it because finally someone is saying what I’ve known for years: Hollywood is obsessed with dudes.

Upon seeing the smash hit Horton Hears a Who with his 3 little daughters, Sagal flipped his sh*t about a plot point involving a father, his 96 daughters, and one sullen son:

“And there’s this — not only does the movie end with father and son embracing, while the 96 daughters are, I guess, playing in a well, somewhere, but the son earns his father’s love by saving the world. Boys get to save the world, and girls get to stand there and say, I knew you could do it. How did they know he could do it? Maybe because they watched every other movie ever made?” Read More »

With the infamous Iowa caucus and the first Primaries (in New Hampshire, if you haven’t been paying much attention) out of the way, the 2008 election is on. Not that it wasn’t really on before - I couldn’t open a web page or turn on the radio without hearing something about Obama, Hillary or Huckabee – but we have officially entered a new phase. And things are about to get serious.

Welcome to Primary Season, the time when we get out and vote for the candidate we want representing our party in the run for the Oval Office. This might seem completely boring/unimportant- ”who the hell is this Barack Obama character, anyway” to you, but it is quite the opposite.

There are currently a slew of Democratic and Republican candidates traipsing across the country in attempts to become our next President. Only one of each will have the opportunity to go for the gold. And only one will actually take it.

And, might I remind you, the man or woman who finally moves into the White House in 2008 is completely up to us. Yes, even you.

I know that discussing politics is not the top priority of many college students. What with more important topics like class, partying and reality TV, who even has the time? But it should be; especially now. Read More »