Recently, a friend told me that I’m one of the only people in his life with a positive attitude. At first, I was surprised. I mean, really; why is everyone so angry? But, to be fair, just 2 years ago, I was angry too. In fact, I was one of the angriest people I knew…even on the verge of suicide at one particular time.

I have completely remodeled my life and my perspective since that dark point and my friend was probably onto something when asking me about my life, because I truly am really happy these days. And this happiness isn’t just something that came over night; it is something I grew to know. Some basic principles I learned to incorporate into my thinking and perspective have made all of the difference. Read More »

In high school, I was more or less obsessed with Bright Eyes. I absolutely adored Conor Oberst and all his whiney, scratchy-voiced angsty music, not to mention his sexy eyes & all-around hot emo boy demeanor.

I was also extremely depressed, dropped out of high school (only for a semester!) and spent three hours a week in intensive outpatient therapy.

However, times have changed and I traded in my razor blades for wine glasses and my sorry, pathetic teenage attitude for a much healthier, positive one. I became happy. Baggage-less, I thought. Completely devoid of any negativity from my past.

And then, as all love stories begin, I met someone who I had absolutely everything in common with and with whom I got along flawlessly for the first six months. I thought I was over my years of self-loathing and teenage drama, and if I could hold a healthy, (somewhat) adult relationship, then I was convinced.

Seriously, this relationship was awesome. We were like male and female versions of each other: We were in the same major (yes, boy magazine journalism major!), loved cheap beer and foosball and basically couldn’t keep our hands off of each other….any time, anywhere.

But, eventually my insecurities came to the surface and the relationship became a huge emotional mess, for both of us. I’m talking the whole screaming at each other in public and then pouring beer on each other to even the score kind of mess. There it was again; all that baggage I thought I tossed years ago, staring me right in the face, mocking what I thought was my new life and new super-happy relationship.

I might be an extreme case (in fact, I know I am), but after the failure of this relationship, that was all lovey-dovey, fairy-tale, red roses on the outside, I began to question, quite Carrie Bradshaw-esque-ly, if we can ever really escape our pasts. Read More »

Here’s a shocker: BBC News reports that young girls face increasing pressure to become sexualized at younger ages, and besides becoming sluttier and sluttier, they also give into self-destructive habits to cope with social stress.

My first thought? Oh, no! Save the children. My second thought? Ummm, obvi?

When I was young, my role models were Barbie and Kelly Kapowski. Barbie had an impossible waist paired with magic tits, and Kelly Kapowski had cheated on Zack Morris with college boy Jeff, her boss at the Max. Parents today are concerned that the Bratz dolls negatively influence girls’ body images. I think they look like ghetto skanks with big heads, myself. But I suppose if they are inspiring young girls to seek a ghetto-skank look, there is cause for concern.

But I digress. BBC reports that girls are suffering from various social anxieties: two in five girls studied knew someone who had self-harmed; two in five knew someone who had panic attacks; and one in three knew someone with an eating disorder.

These problems suck; I know, I’ve dealt with all of them. I went through a brief bout of anorexia when I was thirteen, dropping to 104 pounds on a 5′7” frame. When I started eating again after an intervention, knives and razors became my friends. Read More »

I can’t speak for all women (even though I tend to try), but a lot of my self esteem comes from my ability to perform tasks well. Like bowling, or making people laugh or getting really good grades in school. My parents were never the type to stand over me and push me to do well. I pushed myself. Poor performance on an exam or in a class meant that I was not good at something and made me look bad next to my friends.

The fact that I did well in school left me with a lot of confidence and self worth when I moved on and began doing other things. I knew that I could do just about anything if I wanted to, which is how I approached the job hunt after college and how I continue to approach every task that is put in front of me. I know I am intelligent and capable and that leaves me with a sense of comfort and mental clarity as I go through life.

I can totally understand, then, the results of a recent study that claim that women who are expelled or drop out of high school experience a much higher rate of mental instability and depression than men.
For one thing, the inability to complete a task will weigh on anyone; especially one that will affect the course of the rest of your life. And, because women tend to be more in tune with their emotions, it makes sense that this would affect them more than their male counterparts. (Or at least what those macho, “I’m fine” boys are reporting.) Read More »

First it was Lindsay Lohan saying her rehab stint was due to exhaustion, then it was Eva Mendes supposedly going in for research, now Kirsten Dunst is blaming her trip to detox on depression. Is this the true story or just another celebrity crying wolf?

In February, Dunst checked into Utah’s Cirque Lodge Treatment Center, the same facility that housed Lohan and Mendes, after several pictures of her looking trashed surfaced. Dunst told E! Online that she was “struggling” and said: “I had the opportunity to go somewhere and take care of myself.”

A source close to Dunst (whatever the hell that means) told PEOPLE Magazine that drinking wasn’t the source of her problems, but that “She couldn’t control her depression.” When Dunst first went to rehab, another friend told the mag that she’d “been crying a lot lately.” Maybe she’s depressed because she’s surrounded by friends who’ll sell her secrets to a tabloid for a few quick bucks? Just a thought… Read More »

Alfred Lord Tennyson, I wholeheartedly disagree with you.

I was 42 miles away from home on the night that I nearly killed myself.

I don’t remember what time it was; only that it was the very early morning of May 27 and that any warmth that had lingered from the daylight hours into the evening of May 26 had been driven out by the pre-sunrise chill.

I had just celebrated my 21st birthday and I was standing with a knife against my chest eight feet and two years away from the spot where the ex said, “I love you” for the first time. He was in another part of his house telling my friend probably something similar to what he’d once told me.

My life has been all about the experience, whether living them out or encouraging others to have their own — the crazier the better. Because no experience is too small, I feel a certain a sense of achievement in knowing that I have lived through this life of mine so far.

And love itself is crazy – it can potentially lead you to speak, think and act in ways that you once thought unthinkable. It can be atmospheric and humbling all at once. Depending on the type that you have, love can be your foundation or your salvation or it can emotionally and mentally cripple you.

So though I say all of that and despite the fact that I know that regret is a waste of time, even this experience junky feels some regret in remembering the ex whose love I wished I’d never known. Read More »

Irksome classmates? I’ll take the gaff for those of you who know what I’m talkin’ about. The subject of irritating, insulting, insolent classmates was briefly mentioned in the first part of this discussion about experiencing “the college blues.” That first piece discussed the “professional” aspects of college that make students susceptible to depression. Since depression is enormously complex, I’m going to narrow it further and frame it by space: the “public” (classroom settings) and the “private” (intimate relationships).

Although the notion of public versus private is enormously complicated, particularly à la Habermas, etc., I’m simplifying those terms for the sake of this discussion about depression. (Please make note, the public discussion is aimed towards “nerdier” readers in the humanities, i.e. those who identify themselves as being highly competitive within the liberal arts, say in the disciplines of film, philosophy, literature, history, etc.). I also have words for you about graduate school – it only gets worse. Plus, the pedagogical approach changes dramatically and professors no longer praise you. If you are heading to graduate school next year, right after completing your B.A. (which I don’t recommend), prepare yourself for this change. It can cause depression, too. For the time being, however, let’s discuss your frustrating classmates.

This is not the time to guffaw, shrug, or defensively say, “Whatever, it’s just class . . . Even though I’m frothing at the mouth ever time I leave, because a classmate cut me off and libelously twisted my words during discussion. I mean, it’s Friday and I’m just ready to hang out with my friends, and forget about my irritating classmate.” If you’re like me, however, you don’t forget about it. Read More »

I want to return to the issues of studies and irksome classmates I raised earlier, but first, a reader brought up two important factors that can lead to depression: (a) going to the wrong school and (b) dealing with wacko roommates. (I wanna thank one of my readers for adding these dimensions to the present discussion about depression in college).

These two things – knowing that you’re going to the wrong school and dealing with wacko roomies – shouldn’t be taken lightly either. A few years ago, I had a friend who became deeply depressed after she moved into a dorm room with her then best friend. After a few months in college, her best friend became sullen, withdrawn, and passive aggressive.

To make matters worse, her roomie acted out in petty, cruel ways. At the time, my friend felt trapped, because of her contractual agreement with the school and had to wait it out. Things were so tough, she sought counseling, and was able to use that as a channel to relieve stress and anxiety about the situation. When you’re in a living situation that’s gone bad, and you’re either (a) stuck in some contractual deal with your university or (b) bound to a lease, those feelings of being totally out of control can become very overwhelming. I won’t even venture into the realm of “unsolicited invitations” in which you’re exposed to your roommate’s sexual indiscretions. (We’ll deal with that later). Read More »

“College, now those are the best years or your life,” says a fella-wearing-a-tux-from-the-squeaky-clean-1950s. Uh-huh, sure, fella.

Before paralyzing you, my dear reader, with my cheekiness, I’ll check my sarcasm at the door. While the experience of college is truly a gift, i.e. if one is open to education, willing to forge new friendships, and eager to learn something from their lovers, it is also a tumultuous period in one’s young adult life. Suffice to say, depression is common, and most college students experience varying degrees of this mental illness.

To be sure, the term is overly-used and problematic, just as the term melancholy was exhausted during the 19th century. Nevertheless, that’s not to say depression isn’t real - it most certainly is, and I know a handful of people who thought its symptoms so real, they are no longer alive (incidentally three of them were in college, and one of them shot himself in the library’s bathroom at my school, while I wrote a final paper at my carrel).

There are a lot complicated reasons why college students are susceptible to depression. In order to clarify the complexity of this issue, my first few discussions address environmental forms of depression, which are just as serious as chemical ones. Read More »

Q. Dear Tuffy Luv,

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m at a great school pursuing my dream career, I live in a great apartment with a roommate I adore, and, yeah, I don’t have a lot of money because I’m a student, but really, I’m doing okay.

But I’ve been in a series of bad relationships and I just got dumped (again) a couple of weeks ago by a guy I was just casually dating. Ever since, I’ve been so depressed that it’s really hard to just get through the day. I know it’s not worth it to get so upset over a guy, but I can’t shake this depression. What should I do?

-Retardedly Sad

A. Dear Retardedly Sad,

First of all, I’m really sorry about the guy. It always sucks to get dumped, no matter how it went down. So, get thee to a Coldstone Creamery and ice cream thy pain away.

But it’s also important to try to see the situation objectively (well, I mean, as objectively as you can) and try to pinpoint exactly what it is you’re really upset about. Read More »