I have been in college for almost a month, and so far my biggest problem is something I’ve done quite easily — making friends.

During Orientation, people began to cling together because, in truth, all of us were friendless. So my group of friends developed depending on with whom I ate lunch one day, who also got lost trying to return to my dorm after a party, or who was sitting next to me at one of the many assemblies. I am not complaining about my friends — they are all genuinely nice people - but I wonder: if we had gone to school from pre-K to twelfth grade, would they even give me a second glace? Would I give them?

I feel like making these friends so hastily isn’t really making any true connections. Maybe this is because I’ve never moved away, and so have known all my high school friends for years. I know them inside and out, and I am really grateful for them. Now I have plenty more people programmed into my cell phone than I did in last fall. I can call over ten girls to go eat lunch, or procrastinate by watching a movie. I can say hello to at least five friends every time I walk somewhere.

But what kind of claim is that, when I don’t know anything about them other than the generic five questions I have asked and been asked for the last few weeks. 1) What’s your name? 2) What dorm do you live in? 3) What are you interested in studying? 4) Where are you from? 5) Do you want to exchange cell phone numbers?

There is no number 6: What is it about you that would make us good friends? Read More »

Let’s get one thing straight; I am absolutely obsessed with Disney movies. But as much as I love watching them, the princesses walking around those movies always manage to make me feel terrible about my love life. They create unrealistic expectations about love and relationships all while maintaining a search for ‘happily ever after’.

So how does one attain this happily ever after? According to a Disney princess, by finding love! And how does one find love? With a song and dance, of course!

Gone are the days where meaningful conversation and actual chemistry are needed for a relationship, Disney princesses show that chiseled features and a great singing voice are all a girl really needs. Beauty and the Beast seems to be one exception as the Beast definitely ain’t no looker but Belle likes him anyway. The only downside to this love affair is that the Beast is holding Belle captive in order to make her fall in love with him so he can turn handsome again.

Ariel, in The Little Mermaid, has yet to speak to her man before claiming her love for him. She defies her father, runs away from home, and makes a deal with an evil sorceress to give up her voice, all in hopes of meeting this guy. But lo and behold, Ariel and the prince do meet and by the end of the movie they have fallen in love and are ready to live happily ever after. Maybe it was all the stimulating conversation the two had together that attracted him to her. Or the great pair of legs she traded her voice for. Read More »

Dodgeball. Track and field day. Recess… There was a time when these words were what made us tick, when all that mattered was whether you could feasibly be cast as your favorite Disney princess. That, of course, along with what was packed in your lunchbox.

Hot lunch was only cool on pizza and chicken nugget days in my hometown, with macaroni and cheese in as close a third as possible. So rather than stash our hot lunch tickets in our Lisa Frank pencil cases, the obvious choice was hardly your choice at all. Your parents packed it, and you ate it, so they thought. But we all know better. Lunch was a trading game.

Long before we were coveting Gucci bags and Tory Burch flats, ladies, there was a time where the following items were the only accessories of importance. Below are my top five snack foods from childhood lunches, most of which I had to argue my parents for, or trade for:

1) Little Debbie ANYTHING. Zebra Cakes, Swiss Cake Rolls, lots of cake-age going on. These were the crème-de-la-crème of snacking and what made suffering through yet another PB&J worthwhile. Read More »

Friday is back at last. And we are happy. Why? Because we have no life until school starts again and for once – thanks to the Olympic games – it is totally acceptable to sit home on a Friday night. Eating Moo Shu. With our hands.

We do have a lot in store for the weekend. First up, a shopping trip to pick up the essentials: a sex machine, some not-so-slutty party clothes, some ingredients to woo that dude we met at Yoga (yes, he is a bit shorter than us, but he looks so good in Child’s Pose) and a little trip for Botox to fill in all those trouble spots from that trip to Vegas. (It was siiiiick.)

Then we have to plan that Welcome Week party and, seriously, just making the guest-list is a pain. Let’s just hope our ex doesn’t show up, cuz you know once that margarita hits our lips we won’t be able to keep our hands off him. (And we have to cuz according to Facebook, he’s got a new bitch.)

After that, it’s a Sunday filled with Disney movies, election coverage and, of course, scoping out the hotties at the Olympics.

TGIF. Enjoy it, ladies.

College is stressful, but the consolation prize is knowing we’ll get out and long for the days of midterms and class registration once reality sets in. Fun as the fantasy-land of undergrad is, however, while you’re trying to get through that mess of deciding your future, it’s hard not to look back on even better times.

Say, age six.

Think about the perks. You were evaluated on your ability to stay in the lines and write legibly. The worst part of your day was discovering that Mom forgot a Snack-Pack in your lunch, or that there was no chocolate milk available from the cafeteria. Your only concern about boys was getting chased by them on the playground, and a kiss on the cheek prompted many an “ew!” It was all set up for you, you just had to show up.

And so, below I’ve constructed a list of things we should reinstate into our lives that have been long-gone since kindergarten: Read More »