Aw, such sweet bromance…

Understand the economy with Chris Farley movies

At last, something to do with your ex’s testicles once you cut them off

Celeb camel toe AND mom jeans alert

Disney on Depressants

Howard Stern ties the knot, Mr. Kelly Ripa officiates, celebrities now control the universe

Britney channels the other Madonna

Diddy is afraid of Palin

It’s official, Kate Moss has a golden vajayjay

The sham is almost over…

Dita Von Always Looks Awesome

St. Tyra declaws a catfight

Holly finally realized Hef is old

I’ve got a bone to pick with Disney’s latest pet project. The movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua, opening this Friday, looks like the costliest waste of talent, resources, and brainpower to hit the mainstream media since Swing Vote.

I first heard about the movie when I saw its extended trailer in previews for Wall-E this summer. It was just a mess of digitally edited footage of Chihuahuas singing (if you could call emphatic yelps of “Chihuahua!” singing) and prancing about Mayan ruins in Mexico. The trailer told you nothing about the plot of the movie itself, and even misrepresented the title of the film. If it’s called Beverly Hills Chihuahua, what are these pups doing in Chichen Itza?

Well, now that the ad campaign for this movie has revved up for its release, I’ve learned a lot more about BHC and I certainly don’t like what I see, for a few reasons.

First, and probably most egregious, is the fact that BHC is blatantly racist. It is rife with potshots at Mexican and Latino culture. Take, for example, the over-promoted scene in which another dog asks the prissy protagonist (Chloe, from the Hills), “don’t you speak Spanish?” When she stutters, the mastiff replies, “Hello? You’re a Chihuahua, m’hija!” As if the nature of one’s heritage determines one’s linguistic abilities. You wouldn’t walk up to a person who looked Hispanic and deride them for not speaking Spanish, so why is it okay for dogs to do it? Is this the kind example we want to be setting for children, at whom the film is targeted?

Moral repugnancies aside, BHC doesn’t look like it’s going to be racking up any points for creativity. If you include such colloquial gems as “oh no she didn’t!” and “say hello to my little friends!” among the funniest moments in the movie (why else would you include it in the trailer?), there can’t be much else worth checking out. Seriously, Disney, is it still 1992? No one has said “oh no she didn’t!” in all seriousness since overalls were popular. Read More »

I am sorry.

As it seems, I am currently suffering from a WICKED case of PMS. I have never really fallen victim to this monthly debacle, but in the last 24 hours I have felt overwhelmingly compelled to freak out on nearly everyone I have come into contact with, and, well, have.

For that, I’d like to make amends.

My dear, sweet boyfriend:
Sorry for freaking out on you after you felt compelled to repeat - verbatim - nearly the entire dialog from “Tropic Thunder.” I know you enjoyed the movie, and in a sick way enjoyed how irritated it made me for you to continue doing it, but that was no excuse to smack you on the arm with the blunt force of a car crash then scream at you like a fire-breathing dragon. It was mortifying to see you look so terrified of me.

Waitress at the Goose:
I understand how it can be working in food service; I have been there too, sister. With that in mind, I am sorry for being a total bitch after finding out we were merely 4 minutes late to order food last night. Sure, my eye rolling and walking out of the restaurant without a comment to you was rude, but, in my defense, I had just spent 2 hours watching “Tropic Thunder” and was famished. If I didn’t eat something soon, I was going to lose it and my poor boyfriend was going to be my target practice. I’m sorry for being so rude. In hindsight hanging around, having a few pitchers and enjoying the quick buzz may have been exactly what I needed. Read More »

Thanks to satirical cartoons and recorded history, it’s pretty common knowledge that Walt Disney was a nut bag. Besides being obsessed with cryogenically freezing his own head, the guy was an anti-Semite and hired Nazi rocket scientists to design his rides.

Then there’s the racism and sexism in all of the cartoons his company has produced.

But I guess we’d all thought, with the advent of the first ever black female lead in a Disney cartoon, that the company had turned a new, desperate leaf and was actually interested in being a culturally aware organization rather then a profit-hungry global conglomerate steeped in Nazi tradition (Did you know?: Pirates of the Caribbean is powered by the OCCULT!).

We thought wrong. Looks like theres’ a huge labor dispute going on right now between Disney and a few thousand hotel employees, which was brought to a head today when protesters marched on the California Disney locations, dressed (hilariously) as Disney characters.

Bewildered tourists in Disney T-shirts and caps, some pushing strollers, filed past the commotion and gawked at the costumed picketers getting hauled away. The protest shut down a major thoroughfare outside Disneyland and California Adventure for nearly an hour.

“It’s changing my opinion of Disneyland,” said tourist Amanda Kosato, who was visiting from north of Melbourne, Australia. “Taking away entitlements stinks.” Read More »

You know how every once in a while, nothing is on TV, and you’re super bored, and maybe it’s a Friday night and you have no plans, and instead of doing something productive like reading you flip around on your remote and end up watching the Disney Channel? Yeah. Don’t deny.

There’s nothing wrong with a little mindless television for kids, but what happens when you find yourself inexplicably drawn to those fresh-faced young men chirping out that positive and life-affirming Disney dialogue? You feel weird and a little dirty — and then you go online and try to find pictures. Also, any info that would allow you to stop feeling like a pedophile: i.e birthdays before 1991.

Even though all of the nubile young things listed below have all surpassed their 18th year, I can’t help but feel just the slightest bit Creepy-Old-Man-On-The-Bus whenever I look at them. Oh well. What can I say? If there are shirtless pics of these hotties somewhere on the net, I’d look at them.

I might even download. Read More »

We’ve always gone nuts for celebrities.
Back in the day it was Shirley Temple, Judy Garlin, and Marilyn Monroe.

Rock stars came into vogue and screaming fans chased Elvis and fainted at Beatles concerts.

Jumping ahead to my youth, the teen pop sensations Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, and Britney Spears generated thousands of crushes and screaming fans. (Editor’s Note: Does it make me old to remember the New Kids on the Block insanity!?)

But now with the rise of superstar Miley Cyrus, we’ve entered a new level of celebrity idolization—one that has some worrying ramifications for our tween sisters. (The Olson twin fascination, in my opinion, is a bizarre isolated event along the lines of The Truman Show)

The Miley-hype has broken several barriers which I think are important to note:

1. Her youth
Although Hillary Duff set the stage for achieving tween stardom via a Disney channel show, Duff began at the age of 14 with 2.3 million viewers per episode while Miley Cyrus began at the age of 12 with 5.4 million viewers during the series premiere. Read More »

College is kind of a weird place, isn’t it? You’re pretty much dumped in an environment where you’re told to think and act like an adult, but I don’t think I’ve seen anything more childish than some of the crazy stuff my fellow school buddies come up with.

Now, I’m not complaining; nothing helps paper stress like just sitting around and watching a Disney movie. I won’t disclose how many kids movies I watch on a weekly basis at school, but…well, it happens a lot.

Some time last semester, when I had so much work to do that I felt it was more productive to do nothing, I hunkered down with my girlfriend to watch some good ol’ Disney. And I was utterly horrified. This was a movie I adored as a kid, and now I could barely go a few minutes without hearing or seeing something I knew must’ve gone over my head. And the more I thought about it, the more I wondered…

Why did my mom let me watch this stuff?!

Honorable Mention: The “Night on Bald Mountain” short from Fantasia. I still have problems watching this.

5. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Really, contextually, there’s nothing bad about this movie. Certainly an evil madman who wants to melt all the cartoons into nothingness isn’t that bad, and no one questions why a rabbit who’s weird even by cartoon standards is married to a chick who’s hot even by human standards. At least, I never thought anything of it. It’s a damn good movie, don’t get me wrong! It’s just…weird. Read More »