I am sorry.

As it seems, I am currently suffering from a WICKED case of PMS. I have never really fallen victim to this monthly debacle, but in the last 24 hours I have felt overwhelmingly compelled to freak out on nearly everyone I have come into contact with, and, well, have.

For that, I’d like to make amends.

My dear, sweet boyfriend:
Sorry for freaking out on you after you felt compelled to repeat - verbatim - nearly the entire dialog from “Tropic Thunder.” I know you enjoyed the movie, and in a sick way enjoyed how irritated it made me for you to continue doing it, but that was no excuse to smack you on the arm with the blunt force of a car crash then scream at you like a fire-breathing dragon. It was mortifying to see you look so terrified of me.

Waitress at the Goose:
I understand how it can be working in food service; I have been there too, sister. With that in mind, I am sorry for being a total bitch after finding out we were merely 4 minutes late to order food last night. Sure, my eye rolling and walking out of the restaurant without a comment to you was rude, but, in my defense, I had just spent 2 hours watching “Tropic Thunder” and was famished. If I didn’t eat something soon, I was going to lose it and my poor boyfriend was going to be my target practice. I’m sorry for being so rude. In hindsight hanging around, having a few pitchers and enjoying the quick buzz may have been exactly what I needed. Read More »

Thanks to satirical cartoons and recorded history, it’s pretty common knowledge that Walt Disney was a nut bag. Besides being obsessed with cryogenically freezing his own head, the guy was an anti-Semite and hired Nazi rocket scientists to design his rides.

Then there’s the racism and sexism in all of the cartoons his company has produced.

But I guess we’d all thought, with the advent of the first ever black female lead in a Disney cartoon, that the company had turned a new, desperate leaf and was actually interested in being a culturally aware organization rather then a profit-hungry global conglomerate steeped in Nazi tradition (Did you know?: Pirates of the Caribbean is powered by the OCCULT!).

We thought wrong. Looks like theres’ a huge labor dispute going on right now between Disney and a few thousand hotel employees, which was brought to a head today when protesters marched on the California Disney locations, dressed (hilariously) as Disney characters.

Bewildered tourists in Disney T-shirts and caps, some pushing strollers, filed past the commotion and gawked at the costumed picketers getting hauled away. The protest shut down a major thoroughfare outside Disneyland and California Adventure for nearly an hour.

“It’s changing my opinion of Disneyland,” said tourist Amanda Kosato, who was visiting from north of Melbourne, Australia. “Taking away entitlements stinks.” Read More »

You know how every once in a while, nothing is on TV, and you’re super bored, and maybe it’s a Friday night and you have no plans, and instead of doing something productive like reading you flip around on your remote and end up watching the Disney Channel? Yeah. Don’t deny.

There’s nothing wrong with a little mindless television for kids, but what happens when you find yourself inexplicably drawn to those fresh-faced young men chirping out that positive and life-affirming Disney dialogue? You feel weird and a little dirty — and then you go online and try to find pictures. Also, any info that would allow you to stop feeling like a pedophile: i.e birthdays before 1991.

Even though all of the nubile young things listed below have all surpassed their 18th year, I can’t help but feel just the slightest bit Creepy-Old-Man-On-The-Bus whenever I look at them. Oh well. What can I say? If there are shirtless pics of these hotties somewhere on the net, I’d look at them.

I might even download. Read More »

We’ve always gone nuts for celebrities.
Back in the day it was Shirley Temple, Judy Garlin, and Marilyn Monroe.

Rock stars came into vogue and screaming fans chased Elvis and fainted at Beatles concerts.

Jumping ahead to my youth, the teen pop sensations Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, and Britney Spears generated thousands of crushes and screaming fans. (Editor’s Note: Does it make me old to remember the New Kids on the Block insanity!?)

But now with the rise of superstar Miley Cyrus, we’ve entered a new level of celebrity idolization—one that has some worrying ramifications for our tween sisters. (The Olson twin fascination, in my opinion, is a bizarre isolated event along the lines of The Truman Show)

The Miley-hype has broken several barriers which I think are important to note:

1. Her youth
Although Hillary Duff set the stage for achieving tween stardom via a Disney channel show, Duff began at the age of 14 with 2.3 million viewers per episode while Miley Cyrus began at the age of 12 with 5.4 million viewers during the series premiere. Read More »

College is kind of a weird place, isn’t it? You’re pretty much dumped in an environment where you’re told to think and act like an adult, but I don’t think I’ve seen anything more childish than some of the crazy stuff my fellow school buddies come up with.

Now, I’m not complaining; nothing helps paper stress like just sitting around and watching a Disney movie. I won’t disclose how many kids movies I watch on a weekly basis at school, but…well, it happens a lot.

Some time last semester, when I had so much work to do that I felt it was more productive to do nothing, I hunkered down with my girlfriend to watch some good ol’ Disney. And I was utterly horrified. This was a movie I adored as a kid, and now I could barely go a few minutes without hearing or seeing something I knew must’ve gone over my head. And the more I thought about it, the more I wondered…

Why did my mom let me watch this stuff?!

Honorable Mention: The “Night on Bald Mountain” short from Fantasia. I still have problems watching this.

5. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Really, contextually, there’s nothing bad about this movie. Certainly an evil madman who wants to melt all the cartoons into nothingness isn’t that bad, and no one questions why a rabbit who’s weird even by cartoon standards is married to a chick who’s hot even by human standards. At least, I never thought anything of it. It’s a damn good movie, don’t get me wrong! It’s just…weird. Read More »

1. Because let’s face it, you love Pixar movies. Whether it’s “Toy Story”, “Finding Nemo” or “Monsters Inc.”, everyone has a favorite. Really, admit it. You cried when they found Nemo.

2. Because you’ve always wondered: what WOULD happen if the earth was ravaged by global warming? Wall-E is the last robot on planet earth, hundreds of years after humans have abandoned it. Due to our race’s excess (the landscape is dominated by the corporation “Buy n’ Large”), the environment has been ruined. The earth is covered in garbage, and there are no living beings left besides cockroaches. Kinda makes you think about all the stuff we throw away.

3. Because who knew a robot could be so damn cute? Whether he’s protecting his girl-crush, Eve, from the rain or using a garbage can lid as a hat to dance along to a “Hello Dolly” video tape, I found myself wanting to hug the little guy. Yeah, I said it.

4. Because Eve, the shiny new robot sent to earth to find signs of life, is a great female role model. She’s tough (her arm doubles as some kind of super-powered ray gun) but sweet, and smart as hell. Watch her kick a** and fall for the lovable Wall-E, all while saving them, and the planet, from destruction.

5. Because…anything is better than “The Love Guru”.

Dear Boyfriend,

While you were at your frat’s campfire Friday night—I know, triple kegger! How could you not check it out? Life’s too short, bro!—I stayed in and watched “Camp Rock,” Disney Channel’s newest original movie starring The Jonas Brothers.

Let me tell you something; these “bros” are like three Prince Charmings, and you’re still just a frog—a frog with crappy hair gel and a dorm room that constantly smells like Jose Cuervo and dirty underwear.

After the movie, I got to thinking: the JoBros would collectively make a much better boyfriend than you. So without further adieu…

Here are the top 20 reasons why I’d rather date the Jonas Brothers: Read More »

Someone up above must hate me, because Heidi Montag released another terrible song. Perhaps this is what the U.S. Military is using in their latest foray into alternative forms of torture.

Don Imus seems to be back to his old ways. Shocking.

A lot of little children (and some really awesome college students…not me…ok, maybe me) spent their Friday evening at home with the Jonas Brothers.

The perfect breakfast for the morning after a late night summer Beer-B-Q.

To make money, or to make a difference; that is the question for many college grads.

Is your brain gay?

Some guys just can’t quite distinguish between fact and a cartoon from the early 90’s.

[Photo courtesy of the one and only, Perez Hilton.]