Spencer and Heidi keep talking. Burn hole in my brain.

Tom and Katie are still married…and happy.

Rhode Island mandates domestic violence education in schools.

Sarah Palin damns us all to hell. See ya there!

Lakisha Jones (from American Idol) got married…and everyone is really excited.

Leo can’t be anything but sexy.

No more sexy time for Brad and Angelina.

God, we wish we worked at airport security right about now.

Women don’t let this recession get in our way of beauty!

Justin Bobby and LC? NO WAY!

Happy (sorta) Birthday, Miley Cyrus!

Do you experience drunk-o-vision?

Amy Winehouse’s nose says, “I QUIT!”

Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz (fashion) emergency.

Did Joe Biden have a little work done? (We knew it!)

I hate Halloween. I have always hated Halloween. One of the first pictures anyone ever took of me is in a pumpkin costume at age 4, crying my eyes out. I don’t hate other people who like Halloween, but the holiday itself makes me so pissed that when prompted to write a Halloween article I refused to write a positive one.

So if you want to hear about why Halloween rocks you should go somewhere else because I f*cking hate it and I’m about to make you hate it too by listing some reasons why it’s terrible and should be canceled.

Costumes: Yah, I said it. F*ck costumes. I have never trusted motherf*ckers in costumes. Why are you wearing that? People in costumes can do anything they want, and often do on Halloween, because it’s basically the official Holiday for burglary and assault.  That’s really what I want, a day where it’s impossible to spot criminals because everyone is wearing a godd*mn mask.

I don’t even like people at Disneyland and sh*t wearing costumes. Ask any nerd which day was the worst in high school and I guarantee you that Halloween is up near the top of the list. “I sure wish I knew who was beating the sh*t of out me right now, beyond ‘guy in gas mask’ and ‘guy in hockey mask!’”

Additionally, wearing costumes is probably the most uncomfortable thing ever. It’s hot and you can’t hear sh*t and you can’t run away from other people in costume without making a ridiculous shuffling noise. F*ck costumes. Unless you’re on a stage or in a movie, no costumes ever. Street performers shouldn’t be allowed to wear costumes. No one. EVER. Read More »

Watch the Couric/Palin interview here. One word: Oy.

Suri Cruise has no friends.

Parents just don’t understand….

Drew Barrymore eats Ed Westwick’s face.

McCain cancels on Letterman…tsk tsk tsk.

Justin Long can’t seem to hold onto a lady.

Apparently the 90210 girls DO eat!

Britney Spears channels Posh Spice.

Kirk Cameron is making a comeback.

Threesome for LiLo and Sam…and Mickey Mouse.

Looks like Hef’s Viagra ran out… he loses another one.

Is Tina Fey a bad role model for women?

Michael Lohan’s thoughts on Samantha Ronson and her toilet paper preferences.

Perez Hilton writes a song. If you value your sanity, do not click here.

Last summer I was back home in LA visiting my parents when the Third Pirates of the Caribbean movie was released. I was waiting for them to join me at the Santa Monica Promenade (known for its’ wackos) when I noticed a crowd gathering around a man waiving a poster. Oh yes—he was protesting the Pirates movie. His poster, which reminded me of my 10th grade English projects (glue stick, grainy photos, and hastily written captions), was a tearful outcry against the rehabilitation of the pirate as a historical figure.

The guy was definitely nuts, but as much as I hate to say it, he did have a point.

What did you think when you saw the title of this piece? Captain Jack Sparrow? Hook? Tim Curry’s Long John Silver?

Don’t get me wrong, I love pirate movies and the whole pirate genre (so much so that I had my second tattoo done at a pirate themed parlor but that’s besides the point…). But unfortunately outside of Disneyland, the whole Yo Ho Yo Ho A Pirates Life for Me isn’t what piracy is all about.

Meet the Pirates of Somalia:

Instead of the Black Pearl, these pirates are cruising the seas in small fishing boats (known as ‘Volvos’ actually)…Gone are the cannons and cutlasses, replaced with deadlier automatic rifles and rocket propelled grenades…

On Friday, April 4th, 10 such pirates attacked the Le Ponant, a French luxury yacht in the Gulf of Aden. While no passengers were on board, 30 crewmembers are being held hostage.

This is an all too regular an occurrence in Somalia Read More »