Ohh, burlesque, how I love you. You’re just like porn, but with a sense of humor. You twirl scarves and finger fringe and lolligag in giant champagne glasses. You skip to Stealers Wheel and swivel hips to Johnny Hawksworth. You toss horn-rimmed glasses asunder and let down your hair before tearing buttons from blouses and revealing boned corsets. You’re such a tortuous tease!

And speaking of teasing, what about your current spokeswoman, Dita Von Teese? You couldn’t have picked a better representative for your culture. A 22” waist – which can be laced down to a 16 incher – with raven hair and milk skin… all she needs is seven or so dwarves and she’d be Snow White incarnate.

That said, I am devastated to see that she has crossed that delicate, seemingly ineffable line between bare burlesque and pure pornography. After spending years leaving just enough to our imaginations, she has spread her legs for the latest issue of Penthouse. The fantasy has been destroyed. Meh.

At least she still looks beautiful.

What do you think about Dita Von Teese al’ natural?