Every time we pass a cute kitten in a pet store and have a momentary desire to take it home, we immediately flash forward to our future: Oprah, a housecoat, macaroni and cheese and 13 cats roaming around our small, one bedroom apartment.

And it scares the crap out of us.

But now we realize that crazy cat ladies have nothing on a new breed of wackadoodle: fake baby lovers.

These crazies have been all over the news lately after a recent BBC documentary aired. Basically, these women buy real-looking baby dolls and treat them like they are real. They put them in car seats, buy them cribs and take them places like a real FREAKING CHILD.

Only they are not real. They are dolls.
And these women are nuts. Just watch that video. You will never look at Cabbage Patch Kids the same way again.

The good news to come from all this is that maybe we can all buy cats now without fear of that slippery slope into spinsterhood. The bad news is that I have to rid my apartment of any and all stuffed animals out of terror that I may become a crazy fake baby lady if I don’t get a boyfriend soon.

Dear TLC,

I realize you’re attached to your name. TLC stands for the ‘The Learning Channel’ and you take a certain amount of pride in the fact that you’re really trying to teach your viewers something about the world. Please don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a lot from you guys.

For example ‘What Not To Wear‘ taught me exactly why people looked at me funny when I rocked my red-tee-tucked-into-my-red-sweatpants look for two years. You helped me get out of that phase and I appreciate you for that. Additionally, all your programming about sex that involves heavy use of x-ray footage of coitus allowed me to realize just how disgusting human anatomy can be and gave me a bunch of great facts to drop at the bar.

But let’s be real for a minute. There’s someone working for your organization who isn’t doing his job. You know who I’m talking about. Steve, the guy who’s been naming all your documentaries. He’s phoning that sh*t in and you know it. Now, I know he’s your wife’s cousin and he’s going through a rough patch right now, but it’s time to cut that guy loose.

I can imagine your meetings now:

TLC Managing Director of Content : Alright Steve, we’ve got a piece about a guy who does steroids and has a terrible addiction to them and his arms explode. Need something edgy. Something to really grab that audience.
Steve: THE MAN WHO’S ARMS EXPLODED. Read More »

Michael Moore, documentary filmmaker of “Fahrenheit 9/11″, Bush basher, and “way fatter in person with no neck to speak of” (FYI from a friend who sat in back of him at the movies), is coming out with an “election guide” — just in time for the Presidential race.

Mike’s Election Guide, a “manual mockery for the 2008 Presidential election”, will no doubt be full of the snide, polarizing, and sometimes funny comments Moore has made a career out of making.

Will he crack a lot of jokes about McCain being as old as Jesus’s sandals (hey, thats a good one!)? Will he go after Obama’s young, rabid fans who have decided to vote for the guy based purely on some YouTube video full of really sincere celebrities (hey, another good one!)? Will he throw in some jabs about Bush being stupid? How about a chapter devoted to how politicians are all the same and why voting for UFO loving Kucinich is the way to salvation (and medicinal marijuana for all)? Read More »

My favourite t-shirt cost a mere £3. I bought it from Primark, a value UK clothing chain who sell every garment imaginable, from fuzzy pajama bottoms to cut price evening dresses. Unsurprisingly, they have been touted as one of the most popular and cheapest fashion stores..

And guess what, they have also been voted as most unethical.

Flicking through the TV guide, I spotted a documentary titled ‘The Devil Wears Primark” showing that very night. I felt it was time to face up to the not-so-pretty side of my bargains. As I fine tuned the aerial and settled down, I was puzzled to discover that in the place of a nitty-gritty documentary was a “in a change to the schedule” apology, followed by a generic film.

It didn’t take much detective work to figure out that a company with such high turnover would have been less than happy too let such a documentary go ahead. However it made me angry to think that the truth was, effectively, being hidden from my eyes. Whatever content was in the showing, Primark obviously did not want us to see. Of course, what chance does a television station have against a multi-million pound company with more lawyers than sense? None at all, so it seems. Read More »

There is something to be said for a film made for more than pure entertainment. I’ve always loved non-fiction, and therefore, I’ve long been a shamelessly flamboyant fan of the documentary. Since I find that a lot of people get lost in the whirlwind of Hollywood mainstream film, I’ve put together this list of documentaries you MUST check out.

DiG!
DiG! Captures 7 years, via intimate footage, of the bands The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre. It details their trials and triumphs and struggles and successes. More importantly, it provides for a real, first hand look of how difficult being in a band can actually be.

SPELLBOUND
Following eight teens who are on a mission to win a spelling bee, this movie introduces the viewers to the kids’ parents, their practice routines, and the generally weird world of competition spelling.

SHOT IN THE DARK
You may be a fan of Adrian Grenier, or you may not. Regardless, his documentary is amazing. It is about his quest to find his father, who he grew up without. It’s emotional and simultaneously intelligent.

JESUS CAMP
Even if you ARE religious and a firm believer in Christianity, particularly Pentecostal beliefs, you should still see this movie. It documents children who are away at ‘Jesus’ Camp. It’s intense, informative, and a total must see. Read More »