I’ve got a bone to pick with Disney’s latest pet project. The movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua, opening this Friday, looks like the costliest waste of talent, resources, and brainpower to hit the mainstream media since Swing Vote.

I first heard about the movie when I saw its extended trailer in previews for Wall-E this summer. It was just a mess of digitally edited footage of Chihuahuas singing (if you could call emphatic yelps of “Chihuahua!” singing) and prancing about Mayan ruins in Mexico. The trailer told you nothing about the plot of the movie itself, and even misrepresented the title of the film. If it’s called Beverly Hills Chihuahua, what are these pups doing in Chichen Itza?

Well, now that the ad campaign for this movie has revved up for its release, I’ve learned a lot more about BHC and I certainly don’t like what I see, for a few reasons.

First, and probably most egregious, is the fact that BHC is blatantly racist. It is rife with potshots at Mexican and Latino culture. Take, for example, the over-promoted scene in which another dog asks the prissy protagonist (Chloe, from the Hills), “don’t you speak Spanish?” When she stutters, the mastiff replies, “Hello? You’re a Chihuahua, m’hija!” As if the nature of one’s heritage determines one’s linguistic abilities. You wouldn’t walk up to a person who looked Hispanic and deride them for not speaking Spanish, so why is it okay for dogs to do it? Is this the kind example we want to be setting for children, at whom the film is targeted?

Moral repugnancies aside, BHC doesn’t look like it’s going to be racking up any points for creativity. If you include such colloquial gems as “oh no she didn’t!” and “say hello to my little friends!” among the funniest moments in the movie (why else would you include it in the trailer?), there can’t be much else worth checking out. Seriously, Disney, is it still 1992? No one has said “oh no she didn’t!” in all seriousness since overalls were popular. Read More »

We know that Halloween is a great excuse for girls to dress likes whores without being judged by their peers, but isn’t this going a bit too far? I mean, come on; the other dogs are gonna sniff her ass even if she wasn’t wearing a super short skirt.

Unless, of course, there is some freakish fetish behind all this. Somehow we think we will be seeing this again… on Dateline.

Puppies are cute, snuggly Cancer detectors.

This can’t be the actual video, right?

Another book I really don’t want to read, but most definitely will.

You can never trust a man to do anything right.

I will never look at Ramen the same way again.

Why are we so addicted to watching rich people on TV?

Want to hate Spencer and Heidi even more? Find out how much money they rake in…for being annoying.

The Clothes that Got me Laid: better than a wingman.

Everyone hates “Project Runway” this season.

Ugh - I should have been a naval architect.

Looks like I won’t be watching the VMAs after all.

Hillary Clinton totally got her drink on

Nobody should ever visit Heidiwood

For real–it’s the real Real World

More like the top 10 films of. all. time.

The Mormon calendar would look great next to my dreidel

Even Marilyn Monroe has a friggin’ sex tape!

Wait, are you saying that some people don’t swoon over Zach Braff?!

My mentors are the Kardashian Sisters

Another reason dogs shouldn’t wear outfits

Oh look, Noel Gallagher is picking another fight

Dear Blackberry,

I have been sooooo busy; I totally haven’t been able to write to you until now! Like I’ve even been too busy for Benji and I totally love him. Not like I love you or Tink or myself. Or all of my mirrors. And my car. And my reflection in store windows. But I love him. Screw all of those other guys. This is for real. You know how I know it’s for real?

Because I get to go on tour with his band. He knows that music is my life. I bet he’ll want me to sing with them soon and then they’d be even more famouser! He totally gets me.

Did I tell you that he takes me to all of these made-up places? South Africa – you never heard of it either, right? Like West Africa is a real country, but South? Also, he can wear my hats. That means that when I play dress up with my doggies he’ll fit right in. It’s so totally perfect. Read More »

I love dogs. When I see a dog across the street or around the corner, I try to cross the street or take a shortcut so I can pet it and play with it. Nothing gives me the everything-will-be-okay feeling more than a wet nose, a big doggy grin, and a wagging tail.

I respect anyone who goes out of their way to help any animal in need, but the person taking that extra step for the pup everyone else overlooked just makes me feel happy about the world.

So, you can imagine the disgusting squeal of adoration my poor roommate had to endure when I stumbled on this article.

Katherine Hawkins is only eight years old. She’s not an especially social little girl, but she loooves dogs. And like any good little kid, she begged and pleaded until her parents eventually caved in. They decided to go the more dog-friendly route and rescue a dog – a Golden Retriever, specifically – from an organization called, unsurprisingly, Adopt-A-Golden.

The pup Katherine chose was Rocky. He was an 18-month-old ball of fluff, all wags and happiness. But there was a problem; Rocky had been injured in a car crash, and his leg had never healed right. Vet bills being outrageous, as they usually are, the organization needed to raise $2200 for Rocky’s surgery. Most other families would have passed Rocky by with that kind of price tag, but Katherine was in love. So she proceeded to something about it. A lot of something. Read More »

How do I hate celebrities with tiny dogs? Let me count the ways.

First, they treat their dogs as accessories. While I traditionally think that any dog smaller than a microwave is ugly, it’s not a tiny dog’s fault that he or she was born tiny. It is, however, a celebrity owner’s fault if she treats her dog as if it were a fashionable new Prada belt.

Hello! A dog is a living thing! If you’re going to treat it like a diamond necklace instead of like an animal, don’t get it in the first place. Yes, Paris Hilton, I am talking to you.

Point two—microscopic dogs are not cute. I know I already covered this, but it’s so important I feel the need to say it again. When a celebrity with flowing locks and perfect makeup is slobbering all over her Chihuahua, it looks like she’s kissing Swamp Thing. The fact that anyone would want to touch lips that have kissed every inch of a dog the size of a cotton ball is a mystery to me. Read More »

While at the airport this week, I observed a woman clutching a scraggly toy-sized dog decked out in a Ralph Lauren polo shirt made for a six-month-old child. Ew. Just because owning an animal is like having a child does not mean that the dog’s fur has stopped acting as its clothing. Now even dogs are subject to the materialism of today’s society.

Maybe it started with Paris Hilton or the talking chihuahua in Taco Bell commercials, but the dog trend never really sunk in on a personal level until I visited my former college roommate…and her new puppy.

It scared the hell out of me. Not the dog himself, he’s a teeny dust-mop-esque guy that legitimately bites your ankles, clothing, and anything else he can get to. What frightened me was the idea of what people are getting themselves into (please see single, childless friends referring to themselves as parents) and the fact that I really am that big a commitment-phobe.

Sure, many of us grew up with pets, but there was no actual “raising” going down on our end. It wasn’t our job to shop for pet carriers or plan out potty schedules, that’s what our parents were for. Now that we’re on our own (ish), so many people who want an animal are just looking to use it as an accessory. Puppies are like a new pair of Chanel shades, right? Only they love you back? Read More »

When it comes to Christmas presents its easy to forget man’s best friend. I mean, who’s there for you after a long day’s work? Who will cuddle with you during those long, lonely nights? Who will offer up kisses when nobody else will?

It’s unconditional love!

So, in addition to bones, treats, and snacks for your little pup, you could always splurge on an outfit for your mutt! Perfect, right?

In theory, sure. Maybe you have a little dog who needs the extra layers when it’s January and -25 degrees outside. Maybe you throw doggie boots on him when it’s icy (or you live in a city where the sidewalks may tear up your puppy’s feet).

But you know what I do have a problem with?

Hipster dog outfits.

Since when does a dog need clothing from American Apparel? Read More »

• New Jersey is good for something this Halloween season: Pumpkins grow on trees!

• You have no excuse not to smile today. It turns out that we all want to be happy and we think good things will happen to us no matter our present situation! Some call that optimism…some call it crazy…either way, we’re hard-wired for it.

• Halloween is all about having fun! Don’t count out video games, ladies!

• Video: Dogs like Halloween too!

• Don’t go to those costume parties empty-handed! Bake up a batch of spider cakes, wicked witch cupcakes, or Braaaaiiinnnsss!!

•Looking for someone to be the Ketchup to your Mustard? Try online dating!

• Video: Sugar-powered rocket engine? Sounds delicious!

• Ghost Ridin’? Sounds spooky!