You know how it feels really sexy and naughty when you sidle up to a cute bartender and order a Sex on the Beach?

Well, it does.
It feels sexy and naughty.

Anyway, you can recreate that feeling when you throw your own sexy party and act as bartender.

Here are a few sexy-sounding drinks to serve to your hottie brigade of guests. Make sure to giggle annoyingly when they order.

Orgasm
1/2 ounce Vodka
1/2 ounce Amaretto
1/2 ounce White Creme de Cacao
1/2 ounce Triple Sec
1 ounce cream
Shake with ice and enjoy.

Tap That Ass
2 ounces Alizé (1 ounce red, 1 ounce yellow)
1 ounce Hennessy
a little cranberry juice
a little soda water
Pour the Alizé and Hennessy over ice. Top it off with the cranberry juice and soda water to taste. Read More »

How many of us really know what’s in our food?

Celebrities, campaigns, and informative guides have all tried to help alert the public to the dangers of additives and saturated fats, yet we’re still far from the natural and organic palate most of us are striving to achieve.

In particular, E-numbers have caused a stir for a good few years now. Despite the banning of some, there are still a great many present in our everyday favorite drinks and foodstuffs: candy bars, fizzy drinks, crackers, and more.

For example, E102 (also known as ‘Tartrazine’) is used to color jams, cereals and drinks. It also happens to be banned in Norway and Austria, as it has been linked to thyroid tumours, chromosomal damage and asthma. Worrying? I certainly think so. Read More »

Yeah, I do not concur with Bret on that.

I missed the first four minutes of the show but that doesn’t matter because my Trantastique is back with the subtitles! I’ve missed her so. Aubrey calls her a man and Bret insists that Trantastique is all woman which is kind of terrfying if you think about how up close you know Bret got to that. Poor thing had to quit stripping because everyone just wanted to talk to her and wouldn’t let her take off her clothes. I would want to just talk to her, too. She gives Bret a last lap dance and I am overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness. Read More »

[Chasing Chastity is a series by C. Ryder. You can read Parts I, II, and III here!]

“Well, thanks again for lunch, Jack.”

“Sure.” He looked at his watch. “Oh, sh*t, I have a meeting. Gotta go!”

“Bye.” He scurried off, leaving me alone in a cafeteria filled with chattering secretaries and yawing businessmen - the tables were divided according to sex. I NEED A
DRINK. THIS BIZ WORLD . . . UGH., I thought sullenly.

As soon as I walked through the front door of our Tudor home, I could see that Jack had contacted me through gmail chat. I poured myself some scotch into a crystal tumbler, sighed with frustration, and sat at my husband’s wooden desk.

Jack: hey
me: hey. What’s up?
Jack: just glad to see that you got home safe
me: thanks
Jack: ok, gotta go
me: all right then, have a good day
Jack: by the way, you looked very nice today…glad to see that the retail worked for your already lovely image

me: well, i try
Jack: good job! let’s have a dinner date next week. Cara is gonna be out of town, and i’m dyin’ to buy you a martini!
me: thanks

Thinking that our conversation was over, I stood up, patted my dog’s head, and headed to the bathroom. But Jack pinged me again.

Jack: if only i were younger, and we were both single! Read More »

Hillary Clinton totally got her drink on

Nobody should ever visit Heidiwood

For real–it’s the real Real World

More like the top 10 films of. all. time.

The Mormon calendar would look great next to my dreidel

Even Marilyn Monroe has a friggin’ sex tape!

Wait, are you saying that some people don’t swoon over Zach Braff?!

My mentors are the Kardashian Sisters

Another reason dogs shouldn’t wear outfits

Oh look, Noel Gallagher is picking another fight

I would have posted a daily update instead of this week one summary, but no one really wants to read this everyday:

“Oh my God, I miss coffee. I will commit a misdemeanor for diet Pepsi. Dammit, I want an effing cookie. Sugaaaaar. Asouiryth494p…!”

First, I will confess my diet sin: I had a shot on Saturday night. It’s hard being the sober girl at the bar. Sorry, Detox Doc Haas, it’s against my religion to turn down a free drink from a cute bartender.

In my first week sans sugar, nuts, dairy, soy, wheat, eggs and corn, I decided that staying strictly on the diet meal by meal is impossible for anyone who stays up late into the night, has a fast metabolism, enjoys working out or some combination thereof. Since I fall into all three categories, I have modified my eating plan.

I eat 4 ounces of protein at lunch with my veggies and up to 6 ounces at dinner. My cut off time for eating is 8 p.m. instead of 6 p.m. and I eat a piece of fruit as a snack. I also eat an extra piece of fruit in the morning after my oats.

Speaking of oats: if you decide to eat oatmeal when you follow this plan, don’t microwave those bad boys. Don’t. It has the consistency of wall paper paste. That mistake on the morning of day two made me think too fondly of my ‘coffee is a meal’ days. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 163
Mood: Nervous

“Hey man, didn’t see you come in”

Sasha’s mouth moved in the direction of a smile, but stopped right before completing it. Justin didn’t move anything. Just stood and stared.

“Yeah. I got back from the library a while ago. Crowded here. Maybe you just didn’t see me.” Next to me, Justin’s fist clenched.

The music, which had been screaming from the speakers only moments before, suddenly cut out, and the party came crashing to a halt. The dancing stopped, the laughing stopped, the energy dipped. Someone dropped a can, and it bounced metallically on the wooden floor before rolling underneath a table.

“What the f*ck?!” A kid from across the room screamed at no one in particular. “What the f*ck, man? What happened to the music?”

Rebecca was suddenly by my side again, the contents of her red plastic cup sloshing over the rim and spilling onto my shoes. “What’s going on?” she whispered, not meaning the sudden silence. “Why are they staring at each other like that?” Read More »

Blind dates can be scary. They can also be fun. The scary / fun part depends on your idea of a good time and your date’s idea of normal.

Most of us go on blind dates pretty confident we’re not about to meet our soul mate, but always hope there’s enough of a connection to make putting on make-up and those tight jeans worth it. Blind dates are our way of doing something fun and spontaneous, something slightly nerve wracking but full of possibilities, a reason to get out of the house or apartment and have a drink made by somebody else.

The only thing is, if you’re not big into internet profiles and don’t have a lot of friends trying to go all Yenta on you, blind dates don’t actually happen that often.

That is, unless you sign up for Crazy Blind Date. Read More »