Hangovers blow.  Depending on how much you drink the night before, they can either blow just a little, or blow so hard they put Gustav to shame.  Hangovers also make most of us decide we will never drink again — at least until they’re giving out free shots with a school ID at our favorite local college bar.

The third thing hangovers do?  Propel us toward every unhealthy food that has ever been invented.

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Hey ladies. We all love to party right? I know I do. And with partying comes, well, some interesting circumstances. Us girls need to have the proper “equipment” when we go out, don’t we? Here’s my list of the things I never leave home without on my crazy college nights out.

1. Toilet Paper. I don’t know about you but I have had to pop my fair share of squats in the woods on the way home from God knows where. Not to mention, we’ve all been to one too many frat parties where the bathroom looked like something out of a horror movie and, of course, there’s never any toilet paper.

2. Flip flops. Heels make an outfit right?  After several hours out, however, standing (or dancing) on those heels, our little piggies need a break. Throw a pair of comfy flip flops in your bag and, if your feet are throbbing, change ‘em up. You’ll be thanking me latah.

3. Bottle of Water. No one likes a drunk, sloppy puking mess, so bringing a bottle of water to sip in between drinks is a great way to pace yourself and spread out your drinks.

4. Band Aid. You have no idea how many times me or my girl friends have either fallen, sliced a finger, ripped a hang nail, etc. Throwing one in your wallet will save you and your friends tons of trouble.

5. Shout Pen. White shirt. One too many cranberry vodkas. Nuff said. Read More »

This week, 100+ college and university presidents from across the country signed to the Amethyst Initiative, a petition to lower the drinking age from 21 to 18. In a statement on the project website the alliance of university higher-ups suggest:

“A culture of dangerous, clandestine “binge-drinking”—often conducted off-campus—has developed. Alcohol education that mandates abstinence as the only legal option has not resulted in significant constructive behavioral change among our students.”

Strong critics to the plan, particularly Mothers Against Drunk Driving, suggests a lowered drinking age would result in increased fatal car crashes.

Both sides can agree that collegiate alcohol abuse is a serious problem and the current system isn’t working.

One factor that neither side seems to be addressing is that by lowering the drinking age to 18, you make it legal for a majority of high school seniors to buy the hooch.

Yes, most resourceful high school students can get their hands on some rail booze, usually courtesy of older siblings at an inflated price. But consider the floodgates that would open up if you could get your hands on legal alcohol as a high school student. Read More »

School is approaching, and as returning sophomores, juniors and seniors, many already know what that means. But you incoming freshmen, giddy with excitement, you probably can’t stop thinking about what adventures there are to be had on the quad, throwing Frisbees and crap. You probably don’t know what to do with yourselves during your last week in your ‘stupid, boring town.’

Let me help.

I don’t want to make college sound like incarceration, and indeed the possibilities for fun are numerous, but there many things that definitely will not happen once you arrive on campus. Here are things you should enjoy in your last week at home.

1) Quiet Time

College is noisy as balls. Normal dorms are noisy, quiet dorms are noisy, the library is noisy. The only guaranteed silence you may have at your disposal is if you’re a music student with access to sound proof booths. Everyone has speakers and they all want to share their music with you! So in your last week of boring old home, just sit outside (or in your room if outside is noisy), close your eyes, and enjoy the sound of absolutely nothing. It is soon to be replaced with ‘WOOOOOO’ and “seriously let me in I need to PEE.”

2) Food without chemicals

I would say ‘good old home cookin’ but who knows if you enjoy that. The real point here is that the food you eat on campus, while edible and in a lot of cases yummy, has a certain…difference. I don’t know if it’s a laxative, or sedative to keep students in line, but something is in the food. It’s not dangerous but it will make you take dumps 20 minutes after every meal, on the dot. The regularity is nice, but also a little worrisome. Read More »

Men. Boys. Dudes. We love them, we hate them, we’re better off without them, and we are ALWAYS looking for them. We all know it’s hard to meet a quality man (and we all know the men we don’t want). So what do you do when you’ve exhausted your typical go-to options? Here you have it gals:

The 5 BEST places to meet men (According to ME!)

Sporting event- Let’s face it, most men love sports. Men also love women who love sports… and women who wear baseball hats (trust me on this one). And being in a college town, there is no shortage of men or sporting events. So grab a baseball hat and head to the B-ball game!

In line for The Dark Knight (or insert other highly anticipated dude-flick here). Think about how many hours YOU waited in line for the Sex and the City movie, surrounded by all that estrogen (which confused your body so much that you got your period, TWICE). How happy would you have been if there was some man-candy there (gay or dragged along by his girlfriend clearly doesn’t count). Now reverse the sitch. 100 dudes, 1 chick. And a chick who is also waiting to see Batman (in a baseball hat)?! Done aaaand done.

Class: We all have that cute boy in class. The one who comes looking like a disheveled mess who was out partying all night - on a Monday - but is actually smart and eloquent and totally into today’s discussion (but not in the teacher suck-up sort of way). Class is a great time to actually get to know someone - because, lets face it- if you would have met him last night at the bar, chances are nothing would have come of it. So suggest a study date! Read More »

Party poopers have been around since the invention of cake. Even at your seventh birthday party I can bet you had a few of em’. They were the kids that stuck their hands in your cake and popped your balloons. They were the children that took all the piñata candy and whined that you got presents and they didn’t.

These kids have since grown up, but have still not grown out of their party pooping ways. Here are a few classic examples of people to keep off the guest list at your next soiree.

- The Drunk Dialer: Everyone makes drunk dials. They are often regrettable, foolish mistakes that we wish we could take back; but for some people, one or two are not enough. Some people seriously spend an entire party going through their phone book; calling exes, third cousins and coworkers. Not only are they loud and obnoxious on the phone, but they also seem to think everyone shares their enthusiasm for calling their kindergarten best friend and will shout, “OMG guys! You should totally talk to Ed too!” Parties are not the time for forty drunk dials, save it for the walk home.

- The Rule Snubber: Sure, some rules are meant to be broken, but who likes to play games with people that selfishly snub all of them? Ever played quarters with someone that grabs everyone else’s coins when they are losing? How about someone who keeps drawing cards in Kings until they get one they like? Nobody likes someone that cheats in beruit or flip-cup. Cheaters are only funny for about a minute- Play the game right or don’t play at all! Read More »

5. Put YouTube terminals in the voting booths
You wanna know something? Us college kids are really just big magnets. If you open a dumb video of an overweight thirteen year-old kid singing a pop song from the Falkland Islands, every single student within a mile will be chuckling over your shoulder within fifteen seconds.

If our presidential candidates really want to get the 18-24 crowd out and voting, they should start making films of themselves running drunk and naked across the interstate. Right now, candidates are mostly remembered for being a bunch of lumpy old guys who still haven’t lowered the drinking age. They can do so much better: the McCain/Romney version of “Daft Bodies”, for example, would totally steal the election. I’d vote for them.

4. “Reframe the debate”
This year, the American people are concerned with economic something and whatever with foreclosure blah blah drilling offshore and climate change, very important to something Iraq timetable mumble mumble. Man! The issues are tiring! I need a nap!

So it’s not surprising that college students don’t get out to rep their favorite pols. All they talk about is boring crap that sucks! You know what college kids like? Movies. It’s what we care about. “Iraq” is far away and hard to pronounce properly. All those cutthroat late-night debates need to be centered around the real questions — the tough questions, the ones that will get students waving big posters and burning their underwear.

“I understand that Christian Bale’s a great Batman, Senator Obama, but what’s up with that police run-in? In light of his creepy bevhavior, have you reconsidered your recent “pro-shirtless Bale” position?” “Senator McCain, what’s your stance on Pierce Brosnan singing ABBA? Awful enough to be funny, or just awful enough to suck?” “If elected, what measures do the candidates plan to take to ensure that George Lucas doesn’t ruin another franchise, ever?” Read More »

Eating is fun.
And eating is even MORE fun when you’re smashed.
That’s right. They tell us that alcohol impairs your judgment and ‘they’ are absolutely right.

How else do I explain the empty jar of peanut butter I found this morning next to my bed?

Ah, peanut butter.
You know, you don’t have to eat a jar of it when you’re drunk to savor its goodness (which I seemed to have forgotten…)

One of my favorite drunk snacks involves a little PB, a little fat and a whole lot of delicious:

1 Rice Cake with Skippy Reduced Fat Peanut Butter smeared on it with Light Chocolate syrup poured over it. Oh. My. God. It’s so delicious, you’ll cry.

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I mean, it’s Friday, one of us is half-drunk(*) before 4:00pm, and the weekend is HERE.

What else are we going to talk about?

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Being hungover generally sucks, lets face it. The only place I want to be (and I’m sure this goes for you as well) is in bed, with the blinds closed, watching cheesy made for TV movies and eating my favorite hangover foods.

Unfortunately, my life is not very conducive to being hungover, and forces me to inevitably be anywhere but in bed on those days when I swear off drinking for good. If you’ve ever been hungover, chances are you’ve been forced to be somewhere you absolutely did not want to be at the time. I present the short list of the worst places to be while hungover. Read More »