Once thought a longshot, Republican Alaskan Senator Sarah Palin is now on a plane to potentially stand at McCain’s side. Also leavin’ on a jetplane is Mass’s Mormon Mitt Romney. Ohhhhhhh the tension is killing me, but we have received some great insights from interns that we know who work at some real publications.

If Obama had tapped (politically speaking) Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney would be the VP bid to try and match her fund-raising firepower. Since Joe Biden is in, the Republicans can now pick a female VP and look (and this is a direct quote), “progressive in the ever-changing political landscape where all citizens have equal representation and a global voice.” Gosh, I wish I could write pretty like that. Read More »

Our economy is crumbling, and things just got worse for Bachelors degree-hopefuls, especially those in Massachusetts. Last year, the Massachusetts Educational Financing Authority secured over $500 million in educational loans. This year, they’ve announced that they will not be offering loans for the upcoming academic year.

None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. They didn’t cut their $500 million budget to, say, $250 million. They exed the loans altogether.

MEFA secures loans for 40,000 students who live in Massachusetts, or who attend school there. Unfortunately, this year, the financing authority could not secure the money. Executive director Tom Graff blames “disruptions in capital markets.” So, just like that, 40,000 students are sh*t out of luck.

MEFA is the first to make headlines, but any financing authority could also be treading on thin ice. Which means that students across the country could be forced to drop out of college, or sell their souls to finance a degree that can cost upwards of FORTY GRAND per year at top-notch schools like Carnegie Mellon, Tufts, NYU, and Notre Dame.

When I was in college, I played my cards right, and managed to get through my degree with almost no debt, and decided to pursue a Master’s, rather than join the work force right away. With our declining economy, I am currently paying dearly for that decision. Read More »

Friday is back at last. And we are happy. Why? Because we have no life until school starts again and for once – thanks to the Olympic games – it is totally acceptable to sit home on a Friday night. Eating Moo Shu. With our hands.

We do have a lot in store for the weekend. First up, a shopping trip to pick up the essentials: a sex machine, some not-so-slutty party clothes, some ingredients to woo that dude we met at Yoga (yes, he is a bit shorter than us, but he looks so good in Child’s Pose) and a little trip for Botox to fill in all those trouble spots from that trip to Vegas. (It was siiiiick.)

Then we have to plan that Welcome Week party and, seriously, just making the guest-list is a pain. Let’s just hope our ex doesn’t show up, cuz you know once that margarita hits our lips we won’t be able to keep our hands off him. (And we have to cuz according to Facebook, he’s got a new bitch.)

After that, it’s a Sunday filled with Disney movies, election coverage and, of course, scoping out the hotties at the Olympics.

TGIF. Enjoy it, ladies.

5. Put YouTube terminals in the voting booths
You wanna know something? Us college kids are really just big magnets. If you open a dumb video of an overweight thirteen year-old kid singing a pop song from the Falkland Islands, every single student within a mile will be chuckling over your shoulder within fifteen seconds.

If our presidential candidates really want to get the 18-24 crowd out and voting, they should start making films of themselves running drunk and naked across the interstate. Right now, candidates are mostly remembered for being a bunch of lumpy old guys who still haven’t lowered the drinking age. They can do so much better: the McCain/Romney version of “Daft Bodies”, for example, would totally steal the election. I’d vote for them.

4. “Reframe the debate”
This year, the American people are concerned with economic something and whatever with foreclosure blah blah drilling offshore and climate change, very important to something Iraq timetable mumble mumble. Man! The issues are tiring! I need a nap!

So it’s not surprising that college students don’t get out to rep their favorite pols. All they talk about is boring crap that sucks! You know what college kids like? Movies. It’s what we care about. “Iraq” is far away and hard to pronounce properly. All those cutthroat late-night debates need to be centered around the real questions — the tough questions, the ones that will get students waving big posters and burning their underwear.

“I understand that Christian Bale’s a great Batman, Senator Obama, but what’s up with that police run-in? In light of his creepy bevhavior, have you reconsidered your recent “pro-shirtless Bale” position?” “Senator McCain, what’s your stance on Pierce Brosnan singing ABBA? Awful enough to be funny, or just awful enough to suck?” “If elected, what measures do the candidates plan to take to ensure that George Lucas doesn’t ruin another franchise, ever?” Read More »

DC Chief of Police, Mayor, and City Official React to Supreme Court’s Decision on Thursday

On Thursday the US Supreme Court struck down the D.C ban on handgun ownership as unconstitutional. It’s decision overruled 200+ years worth of lower court decisions that suggested that the intent of the amendment strictly concerned gun ownership in a citizens’ militia. The 1976 law prohibited handgun ownership and required that shotguns and rifles be kept unloaded and either disassembled or under a trigger lock.

The plaintiff in the case, Gillian St. Lawrence, a 29 year old residing in the posh neighborhood of Georgetown in Northwest DC, stated, “I’m thrilled… I’m finally going to be able to take the trigger lock off my shotgun and load it if I need to be able to defend myself in my own home”. It should be noted that the majority of murders occur on the opposite side of town—in the urban areas of Southeast and Northeast.

Last year there were 143 murders in DC and the thugs seem ready to beat that number this year. There have been 85 murders in DC so far this year. So let’s make it easier shall we? Hunting season is officially starting up once more in DC. Come one come all! (Your writer is a resident of DC). Read More »

Oddly, these two news stories are more Orwellian than Orwell.First we have this little ditty. It’s an article about how the Russian government dropped cement from sky-high heights through the roof of an unsuspecting citizen.

What’s odd about this (besides the obvious falling-cement thing) is that this happened because, in preparation for Russia Day (?!), the government was “seeding the clouds:” inserting liquid nitrogen, cement powder, and silver iodide into the clouds so that it won’t rain. And what’s more, they’ve been doing it for the past 20 years.

That’s right, friends. On Russia Day, all skies must be clear, by order of the government. Do the citizens know this? Or do they think that it’s a miracle that it never rains on national holidays?

On to the next creepy government story.

In Romania, citizens so despised the living candidates that they reelected a dead mayor. For realz.

Yeah, they knew he was dead. So what? As one profound villager says, “I know he died, but I don’t want a change.”

Gosh, if we knew it was that easy, we could have all just voted for JFK every year.

Oddly, neither of these two tales is from the good ol’ USA. Is our government slacking off in its world-renowned Big Brother ways? Is the news just tired of reporting it? Or have we, finally and just in time for the new election, just become complacent?

[Image courtesy of http://capefeare.com/]

And now the news with Kandy Korrespondent:

On Monday, Presidential hopeful Hilary Clinton made it clear that she will continue to contest Senator Obama’s claim to the Democratic nomination. Responding to the widening call for her to step aside she told a rally in Kentucky,

“This is nowhere near over […] None of us is going to have the number of delegates we’re going to need to get to the nomination, although I understand my opponent and his supporters are going to claim that”

Hilary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama by delegates and superdelegates. In the days since the pivotal Indiana and North Carolina primaries, several Clinton supporters have defected to Obama. On Monday, Obama picked up five more superdelegates.

Democrats are going to the polls today in Kentucky and Oregon where 103 delegates are at play. Obama is projected to take Oregon while Clinton is thought to have a large lead in Kentucky.

In Other News:

Anti-Immigrant violence has left at least 22 dead in South Africa. Immigrants are hiding in churches, police stations, and, if they are lucky, in the homes of their South African friends. Stories about the violence over the weekend featured a horrific picture of a police officer trying to put out a man who had been set on fire by the mob. Read More »

[To ask Tuffs a question, shoot her an e-mail at asktuffyluv@gmail.com]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Hi!
Okay, here’s my question: This year is the first election for president that I can vote in. My parents support McCain but I dont think I agree. How can I decide who to vote for? Sorry if this is a stupid question!

– Confused Voter

Dear Confused Voter,

First of all, can I please just congratulate you on making an effort to be an informed voter? Yeah? Thanks. Congratulations!

So many people (sadly, often including lil’ ol’ Tuffs) just vote based on party without bothering to research the stuff that’s actually important to them (education, reproductive rights, etc.).

And before supes left-wing Tuffy goes on, I just wanna give a little shout out to Senator John McCain, who was totally freaking adorable on SNL this week. SO adorable.

That said, honey, the only way to really know what’s going on is to read the news. A lot of it. From all different sources. Read More »

Bye-bye Hillary… As more and more news outlets and political insiders come out in support of Senator Barack Obama as the democratic presidential nominee, pressure is mounting for Clinton to drop out so that the democratic party can turn their focus onto defeating McCain—whom many are calling Bush III.

This week’s Economist led with an article entitled “Almost there: Barack Obama deserves the nomination. It is not yet clear whether he deserves the presidency”. The article went on to state:

“As The Economist went to press, Mrs Clinton was publicly still promising to keep on fighting right the way to the Denver convention. That remains her right. But it is hard to see what she, her party or her country can gain from the struggle.”

The New York Times—who had endorsed Senator Clinton– posted a rather scathing editorial in which all but call upon her to drop out, stating that while it is her right to continue the fight,

“Mrs. Clinton will be making a terrible mistake — for herself, her party and for the nation — if she continues to press her candidacy through negative campaigning with disturbing racial undertones.” Read More »