Hef’s new twins sure love their self-tanner

…And his third girlfriend is still in college!

Britney can’t drive

“Kids”, listen to Diddy!

Courtney Cox loves her forehead too much

Hermione checks out Hahhhvahhrd

Sting loves this chick — I am jealous

Angie got a “Mommy Tuck“?

LaBeouf and ‘douche’ don’t exactly rhyme, but…

Who cares about this chick?

Alien baby or not, she sure is cute.

Movies so bad they’re…real?

Admit it, you want a Theremin!

So I’ve got to vent. Being a writer and all, it’s always easier for me to vent in the form of a letter, so here you go:

Dear America,

Are you a pedophile? If you could just admit that you are one, then I would at least understand your sick obsession with underage Hollywood girls and their bodies. But since you’re going to pretend like the way you view bodies and sex is normal, I have no choice but to be angry.

Miley Cyrus is supposed to feel badly about the pictures she’s recently taken. One set of pictures features her in her underwear. Another set features her showing her…her…disgustingly inappropriate…BACK.

So what if the girl took some pictures of herself in her underwear? How is that really any different from her going to the beach and having pictures taken of her in her bathing suit? Oh…let me guess…it’s about the context of it all. A girl showing her tummy and thighs when she’s NOT post-ocean and in public is out of line.

And so what if she was wearing a sheet in a photo shoot? Did her back and right arm really offend you or give your children nightmares? Read More »

I don’t think Emma Watson has ever had an awkward day in her life. A measly eleven years old when the first Harry Potter movie was released, our beloved Hermione looked like a mini model.

Porcelain skin, little button nose, and even all tangled and teased her hair looked like it had been styled by Frederic Fekkai himself.

Looking back at pictures of myself from age 11 to 17, it’s hard not to be a little bitter. I mean, sure things improved, but I don’t think they could ever be classified anywhere in the ballpark of classy or sophisticated.

Somewhere in-between the braces and the abnormally frizzy hair, classy lost its way.

Nowadays, 17-year-old Watson’s more chic than ever, posing for InStyle (Thank the lord it’s not Maxim…for now.) magazine in fifties-inspired garb. Oh hey, yeah, and did we mention she’s a multi-millionaire?

She’s due to start filming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on December 8th, and has made about 10mill since the first Harry.

Life’s sure fair! Read More »