I’ve been attending a yoga class at the gym. I joined it so I could learn to get in touch with myself and relax and destress after a long day. I’m not really sure when I got out of touch with myself, but it sounds very zen and enlightened to say things like, “I just want to back in touch with myself.” And when people ask me if I like it, I just nod and tell them it’s nice to get back in touch with myself.

They look at me with jealousy because everyone would like to be in touch with themselves.

I’ve learned a lot since getting in touch with myself. Like I’ve learned that I lack flexibility. So instead of becoming destressed and relaxed I’ve become very stressed and unrelaxed. If I had never signed up for Yoga, I never would have learned that I’m incapable of doing a simple Downward Dog, nor would I know that my body refuses to do an appropriate Serpent.

I can’t even think about the failure that was Praying Possum.

My yoga teacher often comes up behind me, presses on various parts of my body, and says things like, “tell your calf muscle it’s safe and it’s ok to relax,” as if talking to my calf muscle will suddenly let me place it behind my ear. I mean, I definitely tried while the whole class looked on waiting to see how well I could communicate safety to my calf muscle. I haven’t been that embarrassed in front of a class since I confused organism with orgasm in 6th grade. Read More »

First Britney. Then Heath. Now Karev?! (Er. I mean, Justin Chambers).

It seems like 2008 was the year of the psychiatric breakdown. After the Britney debacle the other night, there are now reports that claim that Justin Chambers (the Grey’s Anatomy bad boooy) has just been released from the UCLA Medical Center after checking in for “severe exhaustion.”

Whatever that means.

The good news is; Chambers did not need to be strapped to the gurney for his hospital visit. Due to a sleeping disorder, Karev entered the hospital voluntarily to get treatment. I am not quite sure how a man with five (yes, FIVE) children has any trouble falling asleep at night, but what do I know? I could fall asleep on the treadmill if I was on there long enough….or I was listening to Enya.

Britney, on the other hand, has been classified as “Gravely Disabled” by the staff at the very same hospital. (Looks like Hotel Marmont is out as the place to see and be seen be these days. Perhaps Ms. Lohan will be booking a room here soon?) What does that mean, exactly? It means that the lovely Ms. Spears is unable to take care of basic needs, “such as the acquisition of food, clothing or shelter.” Read More »