Ever notice how you always see a hot chick/ugly dude couple, but never see a smokin’ dude with a non-so-smokin’ lady?

There’s a reason, ladies, and it has to do with science.

Researchers at the University of California recently studied the preferences of single women and found that women prefer brains over biceps, something I have been telling people for years. However, this finding doesn’t only apply to long term relationships; when lookin’ for a little late night action (read: one night stand), women also tend to go for the more intelligent men.

When considering evolution, it makes sense that women would want to settle down with a smart man: so they could potentially produce smarter children. But researchers were shocked about the one night stand situation. I am not.

We all know there is that awkward time - usually around 30-60 minutes - between taking the man home for a little fun and actually having said fun. A time that is filled with awkward conversation about your classes, the pictures on your wall and…I don’t know….politics?

And who wants to have conversation with an idiot?

Also, a smarter man is probably more likely to know how to please a woman, as opposed to a moron who can’t tell a va-jay from an elbow.

I’m not sure this study was really necessary (I mean, duh), but it does help me prove to men that women aren’t as concerned with looks as they are. Oh, and it gives hope to those computer engineers out there that they too can get a little late night booty.

A lot of times, the fighting and rivalry between sexes causes a behavior called ‘reduction.’ Where each sex reduces the other one to a short list of (of I don’t know, lets say 13 or 14) traits, to belittle others and to make themselves feel like the true social scientist they know they are. But, all fun aside, we know that regardless of genitalia, people are actually quite complex. That’s really our evolutionary flaw. We develop consciousness to avoid needing night-vision eyes or long ass necks and accidentally give ourselves all these hangups and fears.

So, with that complexity in mind, let’s take a look at 5 thing’s your boyfriend loves that he might be to afraid to admit to.

5 ) Legos. Alright, not sure why ANYONE would be afraid to admit to loving these, but I see a lack of Legos in college dorm rooms and honestly I don’t know why. Legos are fun sober and SUPER fun when drunk. Maybe guys aren’t afraid to admit that they ‘did love these, when I was a kid,’ but can’t come to grips with the fact that they still think about going back and really finishing that Star Destroyer replica, now that they’ve got the money to buy the right color blocks. Buy your boyfriend Legos for his next birthday, and watch his face light up.

4 ) Unicorns. For some reason these magical, fair and royal creatures of ancient myth have garnered a feminine association in modern day. Which is total bullshit, FYI, since Unicorns are awesome and guys shouldn’t feel ashamed that they love them and wish they could ride them sometimes, or maybe just watch two unicorns eat grass and gently nuzzle each other. Pop ‘The Last Unicorn’ into your DVD player and see what happens. Prediction : 5 minutes of ‘come on let’s watch something else’ and then 1 hour and 45 minutes of wide-eyed enrapture. Read More »

I have this friend and we call him Douche. I’m not exactly sure where the nickname came from. Nothing about Douche is particularly douche-y, except for the fact that the kid can’t seem to hold his liquor (or a coherent conversation after a few drinks). But he is a fun drunk. He’s adventurous, charismatic and oddly charming …even when he is tripping over his own feet and breaking furniture on semi-accident.

I have never found him particularly attractive, but he does have this strange quality about him that makes me feel super comfortable. Besides his occasional drunken sexual advances, he mostly treats me like a little sister (and this includes body slamming me into couches, stealing my cigarettes and calling me affectionate names like “Bitch” and “Asshole”).

Basically, I am completely not attracted to him in a sexual and/or romantic way. But that all changed Friday night when I walked into a mutual friends place to see one of my girls sitting – where else? – on drunken Douche’s lap. Read More »