I would have never dated me three or four years ago. Sure, I was lovely in most ways and I was a catch in most ways, but there was one little thing about dating that I just didn’t get: being friends after the breakup.

When my heart was broken before, I knew exactly how to manipulate the story to victimize myself and follow up with passionate vengeance. I never even gave a guy a fair chance to break up with me without it being ugly. And looking back on that, it makes me thoroughly sad.

These days, I understand relationships as more than ultimatums or pending doom and broken heartedness. Now I get it.

If I was that close to a guy before, close enough to let him be the only boy I would even kiss, he must have had something to contribute to the world and my life more than sex, right? Right. So why would I cut all of those positive things out of my life just because we made a decision to end the intimacy?

Upon realizing just how much I was giving up when I cut off all ties with my exes, I began changing my ways. I am now friends with all of my exes; yes, every last one. I have rebuilt the bridges I burned and, in fact, just hopped on a plane last month to go visit my most recent ex. As a FRIEND. And we had a great time!

When you are of the mentality that you can’t be friends with a dude after you break up, you are already hindering your relationship. You are already screwing up its natural course of growth and making aspects of the relationship ugly that don’t need to be. Damning your post-breakup relationship to Hell is not only immature, but it’s sad; if you liked a guy enough to date him, you should like him enough to be there for him when you’re done dating one another. Read More »

Some guy in Iceland has started a penis museum.

This guy has been collecting penii for 24 years. It started out as a casual hobby–you know, like stamp collecting–and at some point he got the idea to share his love with the world via a weirdass museum in an Icelandic fishing village.

FACT: When the dude began his penis collection, he was working as a school administrator.
FACT: That fact makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Anyway, so far he only has animal weewees (largest: sperm whale [how apropos], smallest: hamster [you need a microscope to see it; sounds like my exboyfriend]). However, four human men have now offered to hand in theirs when they retire to the big penis museum in the sky. Naturally, one of these men is an American, and, naturally, he’s nicknamed his man hooha “Elmo,” which is just so charming. Read More »

Last time, Heather and the exes tore through the house and stupid Megan finally went home.

Morning: The final four + Heather and Destiney’s hat remain and they all depart for Vegas in a learjet. I forgot that they did the Vegas thing during the first cycle of this show. No shock that they are staying at the Hard Rock. Good thing that everyone’s over 21.

Daisy’s neck tattoos are super prominent today. The girls suite has a table full of presents – what, no stripper pole?

Bret-o-gram – Jessica and Destiney have to change into some golf outfits and meet Bret downstairs. What a boring date.

Heather decides that they need to 80s it up. Seriously? Oh, she’s not serious. Ha. Even she knows that the 80s are out. They look re-f*cking-diculous. Read More »

Why the hell would you call your ex?

You just broke up a few weeks ago!

Your friends are saying you broke up for a reason, right?

It’s better left this way.

Right.

Yea, sometimes you do break up for a reason. And sometimes, your gut tells you that you are better off without him, as scary as it may be to force yourself to move on in the scary world of single people.

But sometimes, it doesn’t feel right after a break up. Or you didn’t get that closure you needed to move on. Or, you just want him back, plain and simple, can’t live without him and don’t want to.

But in order to get him back, you gotta reach out.

That’s where the Post Break-up Phone Call comes in. Get ready for some uneasy awkwardness, stuttering and lots and lots of underarm sweating!

And that’s before you even pick up the phone.

I don’t know if it’s the website for desperate people everywhere, or a website for the ultimate romantics, but GetMyExBack.com has some tips and advice for people who are in post break-up limbo. Regarding the phone call, here are the highlights, which I’ll create my own takes on:

“Let the Dust Settle.” DO NOT attempt to win him back, like, seven minutes after you break up. Emotions are still flying. You need to give it time, because you never know - after a week or so, you may not even want him back at all! Maybe you finally talked to that hot guy in your class who always looked over at you and maybe that was enough to help you realize there are more guys out there. Who knows? But calling him too quickly could be baaaad, so don’t risk it. Read More »