I love Gawker. I really do. They get the best emails.

Like this one, a three day “New York at Christmas” itinerary sent by a local new yorker to some out-of-town friends.

At first glance, the detailed activities sound fun (even though the writer of the itinerary seems A) kinda controlling and B) permanently hyped up on Red Bull), but any long time resident of this city can tell you that participating in Traditional New York Christmas Time Tourist Stuff is actually less about “fun” and more about “depression, fear, anger, and rage”.

To help illustrate, I’ve made some translations (in bold) about certain suggested activities detailed in the Gawker’s smuggled letter:

• “There is typically parking on my street. If not, there is a parking lot next to my building that does parking by the day. I want to say it’s under $15. I can find out for sure if that interests you.” – Inexplicably, you will end up spending $150 by the end, that is, if you don’t accidentally get too close to a fire hydrant, which will push the total parking expenses up to $300.

• “Pack as little as possible, there is NOT a lot of space!” – Dude, my apartment can hardly accommodate me. Hope you’re not Claustro! Read More »