The next time you want to drown your boy problems in a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s, you might want to read the nutritional info.

Newsweek recently uncovered the six most fattening ice cream flavors (Personal note: there wasn’t any real news to cover, Newsweek? Like the upcoming elections, the crumbling economy, or the War on Iraq?). Here are the results of the study, with my personal opinions on whether 6 hours at the gym is worth a scoop or two.

1.Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter: 360 calories, 24 grams of fat

This should really come as no surprise. Chocolate+Peanut Butter= guaranteed muffin top. But it’s sooo good! Still, 360 calories will take about half an hour of vigorous cardio on a CrossTrainer, and can you really trust yourself to stop at the teensy half-cup serving?

Fight this craving with: two frozen peanut butter cups.

2.Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby: 330 calories, 20 grams of fat

Umm, did anyone EXPECT fudge-covered, peanut-butter-filled pretzels, swirled in vanilla malt ice cream and rippled with even more fudge and peanut butter to be healthy??? Sure, Ben and Jerry might be a perfect rebound after you spied your ex at the bar with the dorm sleaze, but you won’t be able to fit into your skinny jeans after more than a bite or two.

Fight this craving with: a 100 calorie pack of Mr. Salty chocolate-covered pretzels. Read More »

When it comes to dieting, so many people do it, but so many people don’t understand the process. They know they need to cut calories, but how does one cut calories when they don’t even know how many they were eating to begin with? And how do people even remember all the things they ate in an entire day? And what about the rest of us not trying to shave off a few pounds? Shouldn’t we be conscious of what is going into our bodies, too?

These are the biggest arguments for getting in the habit of keeping a food journal.

Food logs can help you stay on track in many different ways:

Drinking:
In one evening at the bar you could consume more than 800 extra calories; that’s like running on a treadmill for two hours! If you think about what you’re drinking and add it to your log at the end of the night you will notice how much you’ve actually taken in, which may prompt you to make better choices in the future…or avoid ordering that cheese bread…. (Note: no need to pull out the food diary at the bar, friends. Total buzz kill!)

“Good” foods versus “Bad” foods:
You would be surprised as to how many calories are in foods though of as “good” versus other that are constituted as “bad”. For example, did you know that a Dunkin Donuts muffin has more calories than their regular donut? I bet you didn’t. It’s surprising! Just think what else you may misinterpret as “healthy” or “better” for you. It’s easy to get tricked into thinking something is “good” for you when really it isn’t. So, researching and writing down what you eat will get you thinking about food instead of just throwing it down the hatch. Read More »

Eating is fun.
And eating is even MORE fun when you’re smashed.
That’s right. They tell us that alcohol impairs your judgment and ‘they’ are absolutely right.

How else do I explain the empty jar of peanut butter I found this morning next to my bed?

Ah, peanut butter.
You know, you don’t have to eat a jar of it when you’re drunk to savor its goodness (which I seemed to have forgotten…)

One of my favorite drunk snacks involves a little PB, a little fat and a whole lot of delicious:

1 Rice Cake with Skippy Reduced Fat Peanut Butter smeared on it with Light Chocolate syrup poured over it. Oh. My. God. It’s so delicious, you’ll cry.

Read More »

I’ve got to get this out. Joy Bauer pisses me the f*ck off.

For those of you who have saved yourself by not knowing who this lady is, I’m about to ruin you — Joy Bauer is the nutritionist correspondent for the Today Show. She’s also published a ton of books and written about eating your veggies for a bunch of publications. Basically, she’s the Martha Stewart of the health world.

So why do I hate her? Because she’s systematically trying to destroy my happy relationship with food.

Every time I turn on the Today Show (read: while I’m on the elliptical at the ass crack of dawn or getting ready to brave the day) Bauer seems to be running her mouth about all the fantastic! and easy! ways for Americans to lose weight. As she gestures with her skinny arms (I want to know if this lady has ever lived a day over 115 pounds) to bad foods! and their subsequent good food! counterparts, I can’t help but want to shake that way-too-wide grin off her face.

Because she wouldn’t be so happy if she was actually taking all of her grey, lifeless advice.

Her recent “4 Weeks to a Better Body” segment illustrates exactly what I’m taking about. Her advice to get thin in 4 weeks? Basically: make your life so boring food wise the pounds will drop off your body in pity.

Some example “tips”:

1) keep only one or two snack items in the house

One or two snack items? Who the hell enjoys eating the same damn thing over and over again? Even peanut butter filled pretzel bites lose their appeal if they’re my only “snack” source for an extended period of time. This method is sure to make me start hating foods I once loved. Read More »

I did my usual perusing of NYMag.com a few days ago to find America’s Next Top Model on the homepage, with a picture of some beautiful girl and the headline that “Miss Tyra threw a curveball” by selecting the first-ever plus-sized model to win. I haven’t seen the show in many a season, because Tyra Banks continued to be Tyra Banks and you can only see a marathon so many times, but needless to say, I was intrigued.

I frowned and scrolled back up to the picture. Hm. Come to think of it, her legs don’t look like they could be snapped in two by a twelve-year-old. But plus-sized? She didn’t really look plus-sized. I was perplexed. The consistent theory was that this “oversized” model was picked from the beginning as part of Tyra’s personal agenda to make reality TV history. Or something. Making a point that you don’t have to be skinny to be pretty.

It’s a great message, it is. Except this Whitney character really isn’t not skinny. But in the context of an industry full of waifs, she instantly becomes the fat girl. It’s like picking the hottest guy in a classroom only to find that he’s less attractive on the street among other civilians; you can’t base your judgment of a person in the confines of one element. Read More »

Well, I knew when I started this diet that I would hit a slump. I just didn’t expect it to be so early.

The scale in my room is excessively kind and flattering, and tends to give me a weight that is about ten pounds off. Now, I knew this, but I was never very good at reading the little notches. I assume my consistent 227 was right; however, at a recent visit to Health Services, I decided to check my weight on their scale. The result was not encouraging.

230 is more than I ever wanted to weigh. 230 is something like a hundred pounds heavier than the “recommended” weight for women my age and height, and though I don’t really have any interest in being the recommended weight, I don’t want to be gaining weight. To say I was upset was an understatement. Of course, being upset, I decided to do what any hormonal, depressed college female would do: eat chocolate. Read More »

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Yesterday I was having a lovely day with my boyfriend. We ate pancakes for breakfast. We went for a walk around our neighborhood. We talked dreamily about the future the way you do on a sunny Saturday morning.

And then, out of no where, the conversation turned sour.

I don’t remember how we got there, but for some incomprehensible reason, the conversation led him to say this:

BOYFRIEND: Well, you do have a little tummy.

He unwisely pats my tummy.

ME: (turning into a shrieking monster) WHAT?!

BOYFRIEND: No, I love it! It’s cute!

ME: IT’S CUTE THAT I’M FAT?!

BOYFRIEND: No! No, that’s not what I meant! It’s just that you’re getting older–

ME: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!??!! Read More »