“I always feared there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn’t make it [relationships] work. But maybe I’m not supposed to,” Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) explains her decision to stay single in the brilliant last episode of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. “I’m cookie dough,” she says. “I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m going to turn out to be.”

After seven seasons of relationships with on-again off-again boyfriends Angel and Spike, show creator Joss Whedon let his heroine ride off into the sunset (or really, run off into the sunset), alone. I remember watching the episode and finding the idea shocking and refreshing. It wasn’t a happily ever after ending, but it also wasn’t a tragic ending; it was completely realistic. The show ends with Buffy at age 22/23, and what girl at that age has relationships all figured out?

I remembered this scene today while I was talking to my friend Rocky* about our friend Veronica’s* current relationship. I was expressing a few things that were bothering me about it, nitpicking at the things that have bothered me when she was in previous relationships and continue to bother me now. Rocky gently reminded me that Veronica doesn’t have it all figured out yet, and she pointed out that neither do I. I’d somehow expected Veronica to learn all that there is to learn about relationships between the one she was in last and the one she is in now, but the only thing that has really changed is that we’re not in college anymore. Read More »

Post-college geeks aren’t the same as in-college geeks. These aren’t hipster boys who wear horn-rimmed glasses or cardigans with elbow patches. These boys aren’t geek chic. Post-college geeks are a special breed of boy. They are the freaks from Freaks & Geeks, and not in an ironic way. They played Dungeons & Dragons in high school (and maybe still secretly do) and can name all the aliens that appear in the Mos Eisley Cantina in “Star Wars.”

And they’re surprisingly date-able.

I sat down the other night with two of my geekiest friends, Patrick and Jeff (not their real names), to discuss geek love. I asked them why a girl should date a geeky guy, and they gave me an intricate look at the geek lifestyle and how it translates into relationships.

First, we lay down the definition of a geek. They explain to me the difference between a nerd, a geek, and a dork. In their opinion, dorks and nerds are both socially awkward beings –– dorks because they’re too dumb and nerds because they’re too smart. A geek, on the other hand, is the perfect specimen.

“How do you approach a girl you have a crush on?” I ask.
“I do that?” Patrick asks back. Jeff explains to me that geeky guys don’t approach girls they like in order to ask them out. Out of a fear of rejection, they try to be friends first. I ask the guys how well this works out, they agree: not well. Read More »

My first night back in Los Angeles, after a year of living in New York, I ended up at a bar on Sunset called Coach & Horses. It was dark, dank, a jukebox kind of place. I started talking to a guy, a friend of a friend, about our jobs, favorite movies, favorite television shows. He worked in the writer’s room of a popular TV show, we were both addicted to “Top Chef,” and we agreed that the first four seasons of the “West Wing” were brilliant and far surpassed seasons five thru seven.

It was refreshing to talk to a guy who shared my interests and taste, because in New York it was hard to find someone I had anything in common with. I felt like I’d struck gold, and then I remembered: I wasn’t in New York anymore. This was Los Angeles, a city full of my kind of people.

It’s not just a myth that everyone in Los Angeles works in the entertainment industry in one capacity or another; you’re hard pressed to find someone with no industry connections. Everyone in LA seems to have a script they wrote tucked under their arm, and most would rather win an Oscar than a Nobel Peace Prize. Some might hate this, but I love it and talking to this guy at Coach & Horses felt incredibly good. Read More »

This column might be about finding love and relationships (or sometimes just a good lay), but there’s one more thing you can get out of someone from the opposite sex, and is just as difficult to achieve: friendship.

Growing up, I was daddy’s little girl. If my mom said I couldn’t have ice cream after dinner, I’d run to my dad; if my mom said I couldn’t stay out past eleven on a school night, I knew dad could be convinced. I was never really a tomboy (except for that brief period when I was five and told everyone I was a boy, but that’s not important right now…), but I always got along with guys better than I did with girls. Anyone who has seen Mean Girls and/or was picked on by other girls in high school knows why. Girls can be horrible to each other. Girls can be judgmental, catty, and sometimes just plain bitches. After being tormented by other girls all through school, I found it incredibly hard to get close to girls, and incredibly easy to get close to guys.

Sadly, something I have discovered in the post-college world I now inhabit is that it’s no longer easy to find guys to just be friends with. After you get your diploma and toss your hat up in the air, you’re thrust in to a world where everyone seems to be looking to pair up, and no one just wants to hang out and get a beer. Read More »