She may look cute and innocent, but look into those eyes. Those crazy eyes.

We can only imagine what she’s thinking: “Daddy will think a little harder before he says no next time.”

Don’t cross this toddler; she’ll eff you up.

We pick up where last week’s episode left off, with Ali drilling Jeremy for an explanation for his bizarre online interview. The argument sounds like thousands I’ve heard my drunk friends have with their long distance boyfriends via cell phone. I listen to Ali and Jeremy run around in circles until Ali reads something of interest from the article: “I wanna marry Lindsay”…I want to marry your sister. Ali says that Jeremy has told her this in person as well. Um, and that didn’t tip you off that he was USING YOU?!?!

Whatever, Ali’s pissed because Jeremy has a crush on Lindsay and not her. Jeremy’s probably pissed because Lindsay has a crush on Samantha Ronson and not him.

Their fight concludes (or is postponed) freaking finally. Ali says she doesn’t trust anyone but her family anymore (not what you said last week.) And goes to her wise and showbiz weary mother for advice.

Dina explains that “we all make mistakes” (especially her–although I don’t know if you can consider raising trainwrecks mere mistakes). She gives a small lesson in Tabloid Manipulation 101 and tells Ali that “they’ll just have to educate him,” which sounds very creepy Scientologist.

Jeremy enters the house while Dina and Ali chat in the kitchen. He doesn’t knock or anything, just breezes right in. Dina then begins to mediate Ali and Jeremy’s argument. Read More »

• I can think of a few girls who cost a bit more than $2,000 a year. (itn.co.uk)

• Cat starts fire, dog saves the day. (Yahoo!)

• 95 year old woman grows a horn…literally. Click on the link if you don’t mind throwing up a little. (metro.co.uk)

• Don’t drink and drive…or skateboard… (earthtimes.org)

• Vermont wants to get out while they still can! (The Independent)

Guys, if any of you are reading this, you may want to stop right now.

Seriously. Honestly. Look away.

No? Alright…

A Russian woman set her ex-husband’s penis on fire last Wednesday while he sat naked in front of the TV, enjoying a nice glass of vodka.

“I was burning like a torch” the injured man is quoted as saying (undoubtedly through a waterfall of tears), “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

No word on how she did it, but the ex-husband’s prognosis does not look good. When asked about his chance of a full recovery, a police spokeswoman admitted it was “difficult to predict”.

I’m not quite sure how one recovers from a burnt penis.

Reuters is reporting that the attack happened after the divorced couple spent three years living in the same apartment, a common occurrence in Russia where “property costs are very high”.

Perhaps Mr. Naked had sat spread-eagled in front of the TV one too many times. Perhaps he had a nasty habit of finishing off the house vodka. Or perhaps he was a horrible person. Read More »

Remember your first time?

Whether it was awesome or clumsy or downright awkward, most of us at least tried to make it great by the pre-V card-losing ambiance. A little soft music, a two hour window when our parents would be out seeing a movie, some incense…you know, the typical teenage decoration.

What your first time probably didn’t include was a house catching fire and burning down around you.

An 18-year-old German girl made her first time an experience to remember last week when she lit some candles that eventually set her bedroom curtains aflame. Trying to impress her guy with a little soft lighting, the girl ended up burning half her house down, forcing her and her beau to run outside completely naked as flames engulfed the entire upper floor. Read More »