I have admitted to some of my friends that I have seen every Flavor of Love episode and each time I admit it to someone new, they react as everyone else before them has reacted - with pity. They look like they want to take a hand to my cheek, furrow their brows in confusion and say, “You? But why?”

But now my excuse is that I watch it for all of you. Don’t be offended; they know that I’m lying.

That and I admit that I prefer the FOL girls to the ROL girls. On ROL they are passive aggressive; FOL is in your face. The one liners are priceless. Like I’m just waiting for the episode during which Shy busts out that one about her stretch marks kicking someone’s ass.

Anyway, the episode starts with Sinceer with the sixhead revealing that she’s a “drunk ho” and I’m excited simply at the thought of a drunk in the house.

Big Rick delivers the Flav-O-Gram announcing the challenge for the day. The girls have to be nurses and cure Flav’s broken heart. Oh, God, why?

The ladies take an hour to get ready and in the midst of my fears that some of them actually brought the appropriate outfits and accessories with them, Rayna starts wigging out about someone stealing her perfume. She confronts Bee-Ex in the kitchen and my house favorite is born when Bee-Ex replies, “I don’t smell like you; I smell good.” Read More »

So another Miss America pageant has come and gone without anyone really noticing.

Maybe it’s because we have other fantastic outlets to judge people, such as, say, Rock of Love, I Love New York, and the classic and oh-so-classy Flavor of Love (I’m detecting a “love” theme here, VH1).

Unpredictability is what sells, any idiot can see that. So in order to boost ratings, TLC made its own reality show about this year’s Miss America contestents, Miss America: Reality Check, which shows us that shockingly, some of these girls aren’t so bright.

I mean, that’s surprising, right? A not smart hot girl. Wow. And isn’t it just a little humorous that they can’t even bother to be creative with a title to try and pull viewers?

Reality Check is a little too formulaic for the typical American audience. We get it already. 50 Barbies prance around in eveningwear and bikinis, trying to show us that their baton-twirling or vocal stylings can change the world. They get narrowed down, the 4 prettiest, blondest Southern girls stay on and Texas always wins. Those of us who live in the North ponder what our lives could have been had we been born to drawl and drink sweet tea, and then quickly remember that it’s kind of like a foreign country and snap out of it.

This year’s winner was Miss Michigan, Kristen Haglund. That’s really the only thing I heard and remotely cared about. Finally, some good representation from the mitten… or is it? Read More »

Back in the Ye Olde Tinseltown days, most of the top-earning stars were stellar actors, singers and dancers, with none of the skills mentioned being a crutch to support a lack of talent.

Celebrities were, for the most part, blue-collar workers for the public, earning their fame by signing on to numerous films at once, rigorously training and studying various fields in the name of entertainment.

Fast forward 30-odd years and Flavor of Love’s New York is famous for being a outspoken bitch slathered in pancake makeup; Paris Hilton puts out an perfume ’cause, uh, why not; Sanjaya Malakar is praised for his “great spirit” while butchering the simplest of songs; Dane Cook sells out Stadiums with arm-farts and aimless crowd whooping.

The worst of it? These hacks not only suck at their day jobs: they find it necessary to plague other fields of entertainment by becoming entrepreneurs. Read More »

I feel like there is going to be a hole in my Sunday nights where Rock of Love used to be. The reunion special that aired on Sunday was the last we will be seeing of Bret Michaels and his lovely ladies for a while. Well, until they come out with a Rock of Love 2.
For those of you who missed the airing, or the hundred replays this week on VH1, I offer you this recap of all that went down on the final episode of my favorite show this year.

The show was hosted by Riki Rachtman. (for those of you who were three when he was famous, Rachtman was the host of Headbanger’s Ball in the 80’s and a close friend of Axl Rose).

Rachtman brought out the “Barbie Twins” first; Kristia and Brandi C. These two are either really stupid, or incredibly good at using their dumb acts to their advantage. The two are living together in Los Angeles and often share the same bed. They like to put their enormous breasts together to think better. This gets Bret “a little turned on.” Apparently everyone on reality TV has a clothing line coming out, and these two are no exception. I’m sure it’s going to do really well. Right? Read More »

With shows like The Bachelor and MTV’s Next long played out, it’s no wonder that many of us have lost our interest in reality TV shows based on finding love.

By now, it’s become more than blatantly obvious that many of the shows are scripted with characters who all fit the same few personality descriptions. The process of watching these bimbos battle it out for some hairy neandrathal has become tired and frankly, boring.

So, why have I seen every episode of VH1’s new Bachelor-esque reality TV show Rock of Love? I’ve been trying to answer this question myself. I could care less about the star of the show, Bret Michaels, the lead singer of the 80’s hair band Poison.

He’s not particularly attractive, his band is forgettable, and he seems kind of lame for a rock star. The show seems to depict him as boring- he has no defining characteristics. He’s nice enough to the girls he’s “dating”, but doesn’t show any signs that he may be able to handle an actual relationship.

Every time he appears on the show, he’s either participating in show-sponsered dates, or walking around with a beer in his hand and an uninspired look on his face. Read More »