To get your question answered, email Tuffy at asktuffyluv@gmail.com. Ain’t no question too big or too small–but keep your question down to a paragraph or three tops, yes?

[Confidential to Paulina: Stay away from that loser. He’s obviously still seeing his ex (or at least hooking up with her) and you so don’t need that. Like you said, there never was a friendship–why start one now?]

All right, on with today’s question:

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m having a big weird problem with my friend, let’s call her “Kate.” Kate has been my friend since third grade and we hang out with all the same people. I thought we were close.

But I was having coffee with her last week (I’m still in college but she graduated last year) and I noticed she had a ring on her ring finger. When I asked her about it it, she said, “Oh yeah, me and “Jake” eloped.” Tuffy, she’s only been dating Jake for 5 months! Also, she didn’t even tell me it happened! I said, “Oh my god, when did you elope?” And she said, “Like a month ago.”

What the hell?! Was she ever going to tell me? Apparently none of our other friends know. I feel like she totally left me (and our other friends) out of one of the most important parts of her life. I just can’t get over feeling hurt by her. What should I do?

-Elizabeth Read More »

“Heyyyyyy!!!! Ohmygosh we haven’t talked in ages!!!! How have you been? You look like you’re doing great. WE should totally get together sometime!”

We all have those friends on Facebook. People that we knew ten years ago and don’t talk to anymore. Except for on Facebook.

I have plenty of friends like that. And I even friend requested some of them.

Of course, those friend requests were mostly because they were the people that made my middle school years hell, and I like to stalk them and silently gloat over how much cooler my life is than theirs.

But some of them were sparked by a genuine desire to see how they were doing and what kind of people they had turned into.

So how does this whole reconnecting thing work, especially on the internet, and especially if one of the two parties may not be exactly thrilled at the idea of sitting across from their grade school buddy whom they haven’t seen since 1999? Something about the cyberdistance makes the idea of rekindling a friendship seem more approachable over Facebook (or Myspace, as the case may be). If your old classmate doesn’t feel like answering you, it’s a lot easier to not take it personally when all you’ve done is send a digital message instead of digging out an old phone number and calling out of the blue. Read More »

So, I was out at the bar with some coworkers last week, and a guy started talking about “The New Facebook.”

“There’s a ‘new’ Facebook?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Is it bad that I want to go home right now just to try it out?”

“Definitely,” I responded. “Stay here and get drunk. New Facebook will be waiting when the bar closes.”

Facebook has had quite the impact on American pop culture. I mean, really? This guy wanted to leave the bar to try it!? Whenever there’s even a minimal change in the layout and operation of the social network, it causes an uproar.

Remember when mini-feed first popped up? Immediately, groups sprouted all over the internet:
“Down with Mini-Feed!”
“Boycott F/B if They Don’t Get Rid of Mini-Feed Immediately!”
“Facebook Makes Stalking Easier with Mini-Feed!”

You get the point. Of course, now we’re all used to the program, and many of us keep updated via mini-feed every day: “Hey, I saw on Mini-Feed that you got a new job, congratulations!”

So, even though I’m hesitant to add too many applications (I don’t like that we have to check a box giving the ‘application’ full access to the info in our profiles), and even though I’m fully content keeping tabs on my friends the “old way,” I decided to check out the hullabaloo that is The New Facebook. Read More »

I have been in a relationship for over 4 1/4 years. I mean, with one guy.

That’s right: I have gone out with, made out with, slept with only one man since I was 19 (before that…well, let’s not go there). And we’ve lived together since I was 21.

I mean, it sounds kind of lame. One guy over and over for most of my adult formative years…how could I possibly have time to grow as a person? Easy–by following these simple (and unspoken) rules:

(1) Don’t merge personalities
You know those couples who are attached at the hip? Don’t be that couple.
First of all, everyone else hates them.
But, more importantly, it kind of limits your ability to become a person on your own terms. For sure, do lots of things together. But do some things apart, too. Don’t let either one of you have all the control in the relationship, and certainly don’t spend all of your time lounging on the couch and doing nothing year after year.
Frankly, those kinds of relationships end in breakup… or homicide. Read More »

Single White Female was a creepy film for a reason. If you haven’t been fortunate enough to see such a classic, then you perhaps you wouldn’t be able to see the signs of IDENTITY THEFT when a “friend” suddenly becomes a mime.

It’s natural for friends to take on certain personality traits from spending so much time together. Similar phrases are shared, personal style melds and becomes less personal, and dislikes are much more likable if your BFF sings its praises and persuades you unwittingly while doing so. Those things are natural.

So when I complained about having my personality hijacked by a close friend, a much more forgiving friend advised that, “Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.”

Well, I think that’s bullsh*t.

Imitation is scary and frankly, quite annoying. Buying the same bag, not a big deal. Asking where I purchased my shoes (which, yes, are AMAZING) totally understandable–I was just lucky enough to find them first. Saying “word” just like me every time I mean to say “yes”, understandable (yes is overrated). Getting my same hair cut (bangs included) after saying you’d never be able to pull it off, IS ANNOYING. Plagiarizing entire paragraphs of my stories, my jokes and my soul, is just straight vexatious. Read More »

On a particularly uneventful night my senior year, I went to the bar to grab a few drinks with some friends. We were sitting there (looking fabulous) minding our own business when a man approached. Personally, I am not a fan of thick neck hair or large ears, so I turned away and gave my cocktail some much needed attention. It seems that, in the throws of serious intoxication, one of my friends seemed to be quite taken by this man.

She chatted with him, had a few more drinks, and eventually (while running her hands through his thick, luxurious neck hair) leaned in close and whispered, “I think we are gonna go.”

After spitting Apple Martini all over the unsuspecting male perched on the bar stool beside me, I attempted to gather my thoughts. Here was one of my closest friends, someone I care deeply about, making one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Sure he looks good now (though I can’t fathom what she thinks she is looking at), but what is my friend going to do in the morning when she rolls over and finds Chewbacca in bed with her? I couldn’t possibly let that happen; it could scar her for life.

So, I did what any good girlfriend would do: I told her that I had to puke and made her take me home, leaving Furry McElephantEars to fend for himself. Read More »

A few years ago, while working as a ski instructor up north at some unnamed resort, I made friends with an awesome guy.

A youth instructor like myself, we spent our days holding up languid 3-year-olds on the bunny slope and chasing screaming kindergarteners down larger hills, hoping against hope no one slammed into a tree in the process.

Being in a high stress (and FREEZING) situation supplied us with an instant bond, and we soon found ourselves skiing together during our free time and discussing our lives on chairlifts.

During out time together, it began to dawn on me that he was everything I had ever looked for in a guy: smart, funny, good with kids, active, gentle, and giving. He liked his parents, wrote music on his off time, and always waited for me whenever I fell into a giant snowdrift.

Basically, he was awesome. The only issue? I wasn’t attracted to him in the slightest.

He wasn’t ugly. It didn’t hurt to look him in the face or anything; he just wasn’t my type. Nothing about him made me jittery or full of butterflies, my heart never jumped when he walked into a room, and those long chairlift rides were never awkward with anticipation.

I didn’t fantasize once about kissing him. Read More »

There is nothing better than meeting – and totally loving – your friend’s boyfriend. You may not think so consciously, but I know deep down everyone fears that they will absolutely hate the boy their best friend falls for.

Either that he will be totally ogre-ish with a unibrow or chest hair that just doesn’t end, or a total dick with pink popped collars and a bracelet. Or, even worse, just an all around asshole.

So when you finally meet the boy of your friend’s dreams and he is totally awesome, it is always cause for one big giant sigh of relief (followed by a night on the town; he probably has awesome friends too, right?).

Well, not always. Not if, like me, you find yourself not only obsessed with friend’s boyfriend, but maybe a teensy tiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit in love with him yourself. That, my friends, is just one craptastic situation. Read More »