I am sorry.

As it seems, I am currently suffering from a WICKED case of PMS. I have never really fallen victim to this monthly debacle, but in the last 24 hours I have felt overwhelmingly compelled to freak out on nearly everyone I have come into contact with, and, well, have.

For that, I’d like to make amends.

My dear, sweet boyfriend:
Sorry for freaking out on you after you felt compelled to repeat - verbatim - nearly the entire dialog from “Tropic Thunder.” I know you enjoyed the movie, and in a sick way enjoyed how irritated it made me for you to continue doing it, but that was no excuse to smack you on the arm with the blunt force of a car crash then scream at you like a fire-breathing dragon. It was mortifying to see you look so terrified of me.

Waitress at the Goose:
I understand how it can be working in food service; I have been there too, sister. With that in mind, I am sorry for being a total bitch after finding out we were merely 4 minutes late to order food last night. Sure, my eye rolling and walking out of the restaurant without a comment to you was rude, but, in my defense, I had just spent 2 hours watching “Tropic Thunder” and was famished. If I didn’t eat something soon, I was going to lose it and my poor boyfriend was going to be my target practice. I’m sorry for being so rude. In hindsight hanging around, having a few pitchers and enjoying the quick buzz may have been exactly what I needed. Read More »

College is a time when many of us fly the coop and, oftentimes, settle in a totally different city, away from parents and long-time friends.

Even for the biggest social butterflies, there is always going to be some slight apprehension when faced with the prospect of making a completely new set of buddies, leaving the comfort zone of the high school social circle.

Typically, the transition for most students is from a smaller high school to an often much larger college. This leaves an opportunity to meet people, but don’t rely solely on “mass-friending” people in your incoming class on Facebook to start connecting with others (that leaves for the always slightly awkward meeting which is guided by a mutual search for the person who matches the default profile picture). Also, don’t rely solely on meeting new people on your floor of the dorm where you are living, either. Just because you live in the same general area, there is definitely no guarantee that you’ll share common interests or have agreeing personalities.

Here are a few ideas to get connected with other students on campus, and hopefully make some new friends: Read More »

Once upon a time, there was a girl. And her friend. And a boy.

Girl meets boy, girl likes boy, girl’s like is clearly unrequited. Friend hates boy, friend grows to like boy, friend and boy go out.

And boy, did the stinky brown substance hit the fan.

Rudge from The History Boys defined history as, “one f*%king thing after another.” This can also be applied to the demise of this relationship. One argument turned into some petty fight. Over a boy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, but back then, when they had a bust up, to a girl like me who’d always held the Hoes over Bros rule golden, this was sacrilege.

No, there are no happy endings, and no, they never made up. Yes, I am bitter and disillusioned, and yes, this is exactly why I don’t believe in hoes over bros anymore.

On Gossip Girl, Serena did the unforgiveable and slept with her best friend’s boyfriend. And sure, her best friend was angry and wanted revenge, but ultimately, she took her back. On One Tree Hill, Peyton nabbed Lucas’s heart, while her betrayed best friend, Brooke, was hurt. The scenario with my two friends, certainly didn’t end up like this. Three years of friendship and somehow a boy was still more important. Read More »

Some of us got lucky when we moved in. We had friendly, personable roommates who respected our space and kept us sane through finals week. Some of us ended up in one-room hell for a year. There are as many ways for a roommate to suck as there are humans on the planet, but here’s a few standout stinkers:

The Social Drinker
Or, in other words, the roommate that’s only social when she’s drunk. You spend the whole day together, share the same bathroom, use the same shelf for your snacks, and probably own the same deodorant, but the only things you say to each other all day will be “I’m going to class” and “Mind if I get the light?” You don’t hate each other or even dislike each other, but somehow you never seem to have a conversation longer than fifteen seconds. Unless it’s Thursday evening and she’s into the vodka, of course. Then she’s your best friend, and she always wonders why you guys never talk, why she’s never gotten to meet all your cool friends, how much she hated that stupid haircut you had at orientation, and eventually she passes out and you don’t speak to each other for another week.

The Invisible Woman
You know she exists, because you saw her parents on move-in day, and the pile of laundry in her hamper sometimes varies in size. But she’s never in the room when you come back from class, she’s never brushing her teeth or taking a shower, and nobody ever comes looking for her. There’s the empty shell of a human life: bed always made, textbooks neatly lined up on the bookshelf, television never turned on. Your room feels like it’s being haunted, as if there’s some presence only half there. Sometimes you see her outside, chain-smoking and looking waifish. Read More »

Moving, the actual process, is a less-than-awesome experience, the necessary evil to get your entire life from point A to point B in as little time as possible.

The process itself requires weeks of planning, stressing, throwing things away, trying to pawn things you can’t justify throwing out off on your friends, scrounging for money to pay for movers, and of course, that whole packing situation. Findind a new place is only the beginning.

Things to bear in mind while you’re moving:

1. Your movers will always cost more than they quote you for. Even if you like them, even if they’re good, you will still be bitter about this. New Yorkers: Take whatever they tell you and keep approximately an extra hundred on-hand just in case. Most movers require cash, some do cash or credit, so be warned.

2. That being said, if you have a friend with a truck of sorts, bribe them with hugs, high-fives, food, alcohol, whatever it takes to trick them into helping you move. This will save you a huge moving company fee.

3. Remember how your parents used to (or still) nag that you had too many clothes? You probably have too many clothes. You probably wear only half of them, and you really need to be honest with yourself about the wardrobe when you’re schlepping it to a new establishment. Weed out what you don’t wear and donate it to an organization like Goodwill or to a shelter/clothing drive in your area. Read More »

One of the best things about being in college is the plethora of single men at your disposal. I went to a small private school before I stepped foot on my college campus, so the idea that there were thousands of guys that I hadn’t known since birth roaming around made me very, very happy. Finally! People who didn’t know everything about me/everyone I knew/what I looked like during my 8 year awkward phase!

I loved the idea of anonymity and the fact that I could meet a random guy and never have to see him again. It was a sense of freedom I had never quite experienced and one I decided to take full advantage of.

Then I learned one very important lesson: random hook ups in college do not exist.

One particular weekend I went home with a very nice lookin’ boy. He was in a fraternity that none of my friends were in/associated with, which was extremely appealing. We bunked up at his place, had a grand ole time and ended things the next morning with the obligatory phone number exchange (which I immediately removed upon arriving home… I didn’t plan on seeing him again, so why tempt myself during an inevitable drunk dialing situation?). Read More »

You know those people that always seem to be in love? Annoying, right? But even more annoying, and frustrating, are those people that not only love freely but have their sentiments reciprocated. They bounce from one long-term, healthy relationship to another seamlessly, never regretting the past or even pausing for a good cry and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

And they make the rest of us look like emotionally immature, sexually frustrated, constantly single idiots.

But hey, you know what? Single’s not the worst thing. Because beneath the sun-touched, crystal-blue emotional coastline of those happy loving couples, there are gloomy storms. There are flashes of suspicious lightning and sudden tidal waves that crush the fishing canoes of stability on the rocks of impatience. There are the riptides of boredom that drown the surfers of passion. There is a dead seagull in the reeds, and it is gross and smelly.

Sexy and Stressed-out
One rather obvious downside of monogamy is that it isn’t polygamy. You can’t just go jumping every pile of bones in sight. And that might not a downside to some, since a sudden increase in sexual partners can turn your genitals into a giant bullseye for emotional instability, STDs and scary unwanted babies. But even if you aren’t planning on turning your dorm room into an all-hours Orgy 101 lab section, a monogamous relationship can turn even the most innocent girl-boy relationships into a nervous stressfest.

Maybe you’re visiting the guy you’ve been chums with since second grade, when you broke your hand launching your Big Wheel off of ramps you begged your dad to build. Maybe you’re going to catch a movie with an old friend who didn’t just bring his girlfriend — he brought the engagement ring to show off, too. Maybe he brought his boyfriend. The most physically intimate act you might commit is a badass fist-pound when you cut some guy off at a light. And yet, when you turn your cell phone back on, you’ve got four missed calls, a jittery text saying “were r youu!!!” and a voicemail that’s nothing but incoherent, angry sobs. And you’d say it’s paranoid and crazy, but at the same time, you know you’d be doing the same thing if he were having “a movie night with Katie” or whatever. People in relationships get protective, and it’s easy for that to damage long-standing — often longer-standing than the relationship — heterosexual friendships. Read More »

9. I HAVE FRIENDS
As soon as I arrive home from school for summer break I spend the next three months filling my family members in on everything that happened to me throughout the year. I expect them to smile, laugh, cry, and sob at all the appropriate moments in a story and I can’t lie, I get very angry when they don’t. I cannot comprehend why my mom doesn’t find it hilarious that I woke up next to a homeless man one morning. Even my dog is walking out on my, “and one time at school…” stories when August arrives. So it’s always exciting to get back to school and be around the people that star in all my stories.

8. ALCOHOL IS TO GET DRUNK
One of the hardest parts of readjusting to home life is drinking alcohol in moderation. When I first came home my parents would offer me a glass of wine at dinner and I would chug it down and put my glass out for more. They told me I needed to learn moderation, I told them that they needed to learn that if they wanted to get buzzed before the first course they would have to sip a little faster. They suggested I might be an alcoholic, I suggested that they suck. I can’t wait to go back to school, drink wine from a box and take shots of what may or may not be rubbing alcohol and not get stared down for getting drunk before sunset.

7. NO PARENTS
I’m very old now and so its ludicrous for me to have any rules when I’m home. However that doesn’t stop my mother from playing twenty questions every time I go out or come home. How was it? Who was there? Does she like school? What did you drink? Did you buckle up? How much did you tip? Did you see anyone from high school? Really? She got that fat? I love being at school and stumbling home at 3 a.m and having no one care. I love waking up underneath the kitchen table and not having to give anyone a reason why. Read More »

Every girl likes to surround herself with fun people who bring lots of positivity into her life, right? I mean, who wants to go through life without the fun/support/advice of some friends? But, do you ever feel like you don’t have enough of those people?

Well, you’re not alone, CC-ers. Story of my life.

Growing up, I always had friends; guys, girls…a whole lotta them. We’d all play, hang out and have fun with each other. As I started to get older, in high school, then in college, my circle of friends got smaller and smaller. My tight knit posse went from 30 people to 20 to 10 to 4. It’s not that I had fights with my friends that caused us to become distant, but the phone calls, emails, nights out and shopping trips all seemed to dwindle as our lives progressed. Read More »

Here’s a shocker: BBC News reports that young girls face increasing pressure to become sexualized at younger ages, and besides becoming sluttier and sluttier, they also give into self-destructive habits to cope with social stress.

My first thought? Oh, no! Save the children. My second thought? Ummm, obvi?

When I was young, my role models were Barbie and Kelly Kapowski. Barbie had an impossible waist paired with magic tits, and Kelly Kapowski had cheated on Zack Morris with college boy Jeff, her boss at the Max. Parents today are concerned that the Bratz dolls negatively influence girls’ body images. I think they look like ghetto skanks with big heads, myself. But I suppose if they are inspiring young girls to seek a ghetto-skank look, there is cause for concern.

But I digress. BBC reports that girls are suffering from various social anxieties: two in five girls studied knew someone who had self-harmed; two in five knew someone who had panic attacks; and one in three knew someone with an eating disorder.

These problems suck; I know, I’ve dealt with all of them. I went through a brief bout of anorexia when I was thirteen, dropping to 104 pounds on a 5′7” frame. When I started eating again after an intervention, knives and razors became my friends. Read More »