There’s a magical wonderland I’ve dreamed up in my make-believe social circle where people only date people who their friends don’t know. There are unicorns and wizards and lots of parties and gatherings that are NOT awkward in this wonderland. Unfortunately, this is a magical wonderland. Not reality.

In reality, we’re all very disturbingly gross, incestuous lovers. Not only do most of my friends know the guys I date, but most of the guys I date know the other guys I date. It’s really fun, let me tell you. But I’m not the only one jumping through these intertwined romantic hoops. Many a friend of mine, actually, has dated another friend of mine. It seems to be the way the world works.

This is all fine and dandy until the couple starts paddling down good ol’ sh*t creek. It starts with a complaining IM message, email, text, or phone call. One friend is coming to you to have a heart to heart about what friend number two did wrong to hurt his or her feelings. And just like a Los Angeles smog, awkwardness starts seeping down from the sky and choking the entire room.

What am I supposed to say in these situations? Which friend am I more loyal to? What the f*ck? Read More »

So it’s official: you’ve Facebooked your roommate, scheduled your orientation and practiced your “I’m gonna miss you guys!” speech for all your family and friends. You’re either shrieking for joy or curled up in a ball with fear and anxiety.

Don’t worry: It’s perfectly normal to experience all of these mixed emotions before you even make that trip to campus. But no fear! I’m here to give dish out tips not included in the orientation guide or one of those “Tips to Surviving College” books you got as a graduation gift.

1. Orientation: The friendship goldmine! Orientation is a great way to make friends since everyone there is going through that same, “I’m excited about college, but scared sh*tless” phase too. Plus you never know if you’ll meet your next boyfriend or dining hall buddies, so get out there and network, girl! But be warned, everyone you meet there WILL NOT become your new bff. Everyone’s nice at orientation, but everyone begins to show their true colors after a couple of weeks (or drinks) into the semester. This brings me to my next point…

2. Get to know the upperclassmen. They have tons of useful information, plus they tend to be a bit more mature than your freshie counterparts. Read More »

Last night, I pulled up to a house I have a million times before, anxiously anticipating hanging out with my two best friends ever . You know the kind of friends I mean: We had sleepovers complete with Spice Girls’ dance parties in middle school as we sported our bell bottoms & Skechers, played spin the bottle in junior high with cute, spiky-haired 8th grade boys who listened to NOFX, and experienced a whole plethora of good/illegal/potentially lethal times in high school. These girls knew me (and stayed my friend) when I saw CREED in concert. Enough said.

So, i walked in to see my two best friends, paired up in beer pong against the dude who owned the house and someone I’ll call M. When we first met sophomore year of high school, I was fascinated by M. She was ridiculously cool, had good taste in music & the most unique style I’d ever seen. We became instant friends and I thought she would be a perfect addition to the friendship triangle. Hell, If she liked Britney Spears and gangster rap as much as we did, she was IN.

So, I brought her around a few times, giving her a chance to “test the waters” of our crazy group of friends. I was excited when she was able to hold her own in conversations. I was pretty happy (albeit, a little confused) when she started to use the nicknames we made up for each other at recess when addressing us in conversation. I loved that I could borrow her super-cute clothes. And then, something I should have totally seen coming but didn’t happened.

She stole my friends. Read More »

Yeah, you heard right: Bitches is crazy.

Every girl has a story about some other girl who stabbed her in the back and then made her feel like crap about it. I mean, unfortunately, it’s a fact of life. Women are mean to each other.

Now, obviously, this is messed up. Aren’t men mean enough? Why do we have to make each other miserable too? But the fact is, we do.

So how to deal with such underhandedness? Cry? Scream? Pee in her soup?

Nope! Take the high road and follow these easy tips for counteracting cattiness. Because, seriously? She’s SO not worth it.

Don’t Cry
This is usually the first instinct. In that stinging moment when you discover her betrayal, tears almost always seem inevitable.

But fight those motherf*ckers!! Tears make her happy and make you look upset. And that’s what you don’t want. Think about something really funny and bite the inside of your cheek. Do NOT let her see you cry. Read More »

I have had, on multiple occasions, the uncomfortable conversation that always ends with the words “I don’t think of you in that way.” I have sat down with many a guy friend to clarify that we’re just friends. I have explained to guys numerous times that I like to keep my friendships and my relationships separate, and that I don’t date my friends. I always mean it when I say it. I always want to stick to it. But the line between friendships and relationships always seems to blur in my confused little world. Why is “I don’t think of you in that way” so hard for me to say?

There have been several occasions this year where I have had to have this conversation. What troubles me the most is that I can’t seem to avoid it. I’m a huge flirt, especially when I’ve had too many whiskey sours, so I can understand why some guys might get the wrong idea and think I’m interested in more than just a shoulder to rest my head on when the room starts to get spinny. But even with guys I don’t get super flirty with, I still have to have the conversation. It’s always approached one of two ways:

The first is a situation in which I have heavily flirted with, or mildly hooked-up with, a guy friend and I have to explain to him that this doesn’t mean we’re meant to settle down, get married, and procreate. The second situation, and the more annoying one because it’s unavoidable is the, “How come we never hooked up?” conversation. Read More »

“Birds of the feather flock together” is a phrase my mother has repeated to me since I was a child. I used to hate her for this phrase. I used to accuse her of being judgmental and mean-spirited for judging my friends by the company that they kept. But now…well…now the story is a little bit different. As I have grown up on my own - outside of the house and outside of my mother’s phrases - I have begun to realize just how right she was.

More often than not these days, I find myself repeating that phrase. It’s not that I assume that a person is just like their negative friends, but I do wonder: why surround yourself with negativity? So many times, I hear people justifying their own friends. They’ll explain that their friend is ‘obnoxious’ or ‘self-centered’. Sure, we all have our negative qualities, but when a person’s negative qualities stand out against everything else…why would you want to be around that person?

Maybe I’m just biased because I have the best friends in the world. I throw parties often and I always pride myself in the fact that all of my circles of friends mingle together flawlessly each time. My friends always leave my parties raving about how awesome the people they met at my party are. I guess since I’m in NYC now, I can be picky. There are enough people in NYC to allow for me to have well-balanced, good-hearted friends across the board.

Read More »

We all have one: the friend who blows you off, who drops you like a hot potato as soon as she meets a cute boy, who just needs to borrow $5 and seriously she’ll pay you back like, tomorrow. If this girl was your boyfriend, you would dump her a**–but can you really dump a friend?

I met Rebecca in the Spring of our senior year, in an English class, and it was like we had known each other forever. In only a few short months, I felt like I had a new best friend, someone I could rely on and who always understood me. I could totally be myself around her; my sometimes-goofy, sometimes-awkward sometimes-downright-weird self.

In short, it was friend love (Flove?).

I was leaving for grad school in the Fall (in another country), so we resolved to spend as much time together as possible that Summer. Now, I’m known among my friends as being a leeeeetle bit on the anal side when it comes to making plans, keeping them, and being early. I’m always early, at least by 10 minutes, to just about everything. If I make a plan with you, I will be there, rain or shine. Rebecca, on the other hand, always seemed to be in the midst of a calamity. The subway was delayed, or she accidentally fell asleep, or there was some kind of crisis, so she was going to be late. I spent a lot of time waiting for her to show up. Sometimes she’d never show up at all, calling later to apologize, and I always just acted like it was fine. Read More »

“I always feared there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn’t make it [relationships] work. But maybe I’m not supposed to,” Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) explains her decision to stay single in the brilliant last episode of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. “I’m cookie dough,” she says. “I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m going to turn out to be.”

After seven seasons of relationships with on-again off-again boyfriends Angel and Spike, show creator Joss Whedon let his heroine ride off into the sunset (or really, run off into the sunset), alone. I remember watching the episode and finding the idea shocking and refreshing. It wasn’t a happily ever after ending, but it also wasn’t a tragic ending; it was completely realistic. The show ends with Buffy at age 22/23, and what girl at that age has relationships all figured out?

I remembered this scene today while I was talking to my friend Rocky* about our friend Veronica’s* current relationship. I was expressing a few things that were bothering me about it, nitpicking at the things that have bothered me when she was in previous relationships and continue to bother me now. Rocky gently reminded me that Veronica doesn’t have it all figured out yet, and she pointed out that neither do I. I’d somehow expected Veronica to learn all that there is to learn about relationships between the one she was in last and the one she is in now, but the only thing that has really changed is that we’re not in college anymore. Read More »