If people judged me only by what they read on this site, they would think I am quite obsessed with orgasms. And ice cream.

And they would be absolutely right.

The only thing better than a giant scoop of vanilla melting all over an oversized warm chocolate chip cookie that also happens to be smothered in whipped cream is…wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. There is truly only one thing better than that. And it is a mind-blowing orgasm.

Unfortunately (not for me, thank GOD), there are women out there who cannot make that statement. For some it is because they are on a diet and don’t know quite how good that cookie/ice cream thing can be. For others, which is SO much worse, it is because they have never had an orgasm.

NEVER.
Oh the horror!

Maybe it’s time they invest in The Slightest Touch. Only the best invention since the Nike Air Cole Haan pumps. This little guy (about the size of an iPod) gives women the ability to have an orgasm whenever they want, wherever they want. No need to take chances on a guy who can’t figure out how to do it anyway. No need to pay a massage therapist to do it for you! No, my friends, all you need is a bottle of Powerade and 30 minutes to get yourself to heaven. Read More »

Dear Friends/Family/That Random Taxi Driver That Picked Me Up and Took Me Home After Finding Me Face First On The Sidewalk,

Sometimes I like to drink. A lot. And on those occasions I may or may not (okay, always) do stupid things. It is not me, you see; it is the alcohol. In fact, it is not until the morning after when I am chugging Gatorade and trying to get my bed to stop spinning that I even realize exactly what went down. And I feel bad – really, I do. So, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for it all.

To The Bartender: I am sorry that I hopped over the bar and drank beer directly from the tap. And attempted to spray my friends with Tonic Water. And knocked over that giant stack of glasses….

To My Best Friend: I am sorry that I bit your hand when you tried to take my falafel away from me. Yes, I know I said we would share. I am also sorry that I stole your shoe…and drank a beer out of it. And that I peed in your garbage can. Oh, wait. That was your sock drawer? My bad.

To My Friends: I am sorry that I called your girlfriend “Gorilla”…to her face (but I am more sorry that you are dating such a mess). Sorry that I brought that random dude back to the apartment and accidentally took him to your room. I will wash your sheets…and rug. Oh, and your teddy bear. Read More »

Where other energy drinks barely deliver what they advertise - giving you a quick rush accompanied by a feeling of spacey-ness and lack of concentration - E-Boost picks you up while providing the B12 necessary to boost your mental alertness and immunity levels.

I’ve never been a coffee drinker and energy drinks are either too surgery, giving me a pounding headache or taste like ass but E-Boost tastes great (very similar to orange-flavored Gatorade or Tang!).

I never realized how unproductive I am between 11:30AM and my 2PM lunch break until I threw down a packet of E-Boost. It allowed me to properly organize the day’s tasks and start knocking them off from top to bottom. I was a first time user that got hooked right away. Read More »

It’s Friday! As soon as the clock strikes 5 (or 6…or whenever you’re finished with class…) it’s time to let your hair down and get going with what the weekend is made for: getting waaaaasted!

Which sounds awesome…until you wake up in the morning with the worst hangover of all time. After running to the bathroom to puke a twice and promising God that you will never drink again if He lets you make it through this pain, you return to your bed and contemplate just what will make this horrible feeling end.

Unfortunately, you are fresh out of Vicodin.

Lucky for you, there are other ways to get rid of the spins/headache/dry mouth/sore muscles/anything else that comes along with a hangover (besides the smokey smell in your hair and ugly dude lying next to you). Read More »

Sometimes, a drink is called something so preposterous, so stupid, it’s obvious that whoever created it gave it a name after they tried 7 versions.

Sometimes, the actual ingredients are the unbelievable part.

You want me to combine cream, vodka, and cough syrup together? Who’s actually tasted this?

Most of the time, the answer is no one, but today, that’s not the case.

I had heard about this recipe, but never actually tried it…until the day arrived when there was nothing left to drink the fridge besides a bottle of Gatorade someone had left and a bottle of raspberry vodka the roommate and I had received as a present.

“Well” I thought, “now’s the time.”

Sure, it was sweet, but it was also light and tart—a nice thing to sip over ice while waiting for the night to start. Read More »