Breaking News: George Clooney is still the perfect man

Ladies, this guy understands romance

10 fun Robert Downey Jr facts–#11 is that he’s my future baby daddy

Turn that frown upside down…with semen!

Why wouldn’t you want to watch a mini-van talk show?

How the mighty have fallen–Fantasia got fired!

Jackson family to fill the void in TV industry

Apparently, teen girls are more impressionable than we thought

…which might explain the trend of Baby Stilletos

Blackberry,

I have been so busy and my life has been so hard. No one understands how hard it is to be me. Every1 is so jealous of me that they have to find ways to bring me down. Especially now that Nicole has that dumb, stupid baby.

Like last week - I had a superhot photo shoot to do and I had a smarty idea. The smartyest – like, you know how I always look hot in all of the picshurs that I take. Like every single one. Well, I was thinking like how can I make myself like an even gooder model. And geniousosity - the only thing that could make a picture of me more better would be a PUPPY!

So I pulled over right away to buy one and the store WOULDN’T LET ME. Something about how I don’t feed them or whatever – but like, I hug my puppies when I feel like it and, sometimes, I bring them out to the clubs with me like a good puppy mommy. And if I don’t put them in my closet, then where else would they go? Besides, if I don’t need to eat a lot and I’m so tall, they don’t need to eat either because they’re so tiny and preshus. Read More »

Did you know the Daytime Emmy’s happened? Yeah, us either. But Ellen Degeneres did.

We can’t stop laughing. Just look.

Not sure which is more disturbing about this story; being contestants on American Gladiator, or being the mother of your own grandchildren.

Apparently, Boys Like Girls like girls. In other news: girls also like boys.

Porn isn’t just for boys, anymore. Even a good girl can learn a few things…

This just in: the real world isn’t as fun as college.

[Warning to the reader: Story line and contents of this episode are discussed below].

Bret and Jemaine have moved to NYC from New Zealand. This first episode – the pilot – is my favorite, as FOC packs in a number of songs, allowing the viewer to get a real sense of what their act is all about. (The other episodes, I’ve found, don’t include as many songs as this first one).

With a full introduction to Bret and Jemaine, the show also highlights all the side characters. There’s Mel (Kristen Schaal), the “fan” (viz. a stalker); Murray (Rhys Darby), their incompetent “agent,” who is, as I mentioned in my previous piece, also a representative for the New Zealand consulate; and Dave (Rick Shroeder), their uneducated, coarse American friend.

THE PREMISE

Although Bret and Jemaine are trying to get gigs, there’s another issue – the two musicians are both on the look out for “hot girls,” and long to have a real girlfriend. As it turns out, when one or the other dates a girl, problems ensue, and the hilarity of these situations is a delightful highlight. In this case, the main love interest, for Jemaine, is a woman named Sally (Rachel Blanchard).

Jemaine first sees Sally at Dave’s party. She is in a spotlight, her make-up is impeccable, and her hair is blowing around her face. When Jemaine sees Sally from across the room, he begins to belt out a song, called “Part-Time Model.” As the first song for FOC, it demonstrates their ability to weave tunes into the story line – its seamlessness is nothing short of impressive. (Incidentally, all references to songs hereafter will be listed below each recap, and if you want to read the actual lyrics, HBO provides a useful page for that). Read More »

So, have you heard about Josh Stein and Emily Gould?

Don’t worry. You will. And soon.

The New York Times Magazine is running a cover piece by Gould this Sunday. It’s ostensibly about “the dangers of oversharing on the Internet,” and is actually the culmination of a breakup sadder and less significant than anyone could possibly imagine. The story goes like this:

Josh blogged. Emily blogged. They blogged together on Gawker. They screwed. She blogged about them screwing. He read her blog about them screwing. He wrote an article about her blogging about them screwing. She wrote an article about his article about her blogging about them screwing. Gawker blogged about her article about his article about her blogging about them screwing, and so the whole universe devoured
itself, as in the end of Southland Tales when the two Seann William Scotts finally meet, thereby creating a rift in the time/space continuum.

This, by the way, is why my boyfriend is not allowed to read CollegeCandy. Read More »

It’s Barack O’MANIA!!

George Clooney’s inner dialogue

You know, sometimes I wonder what Amy Winehouse’s thoughts would sound like

Living Lohan preview. ‘Nough said.

SO. READY. FOR. INDIANA JONES.

Celebrity couples update: because I’m totally alone

Beer Pong 2.0–Gawker vs. CollegeHumor vs Facebook

I love everything that Richard Simmons stands for

Protect your banana–and tell your boyfriend to do the same!

Keith Gessen’s novel, All the Sad Young Literary Men, was recently published. As a result, it stirred up scathing critiques as well as praiseworthy remarks. From the host of reviews I’ve found (both on the internet and elsewhere), no one has responded in a purely lukewarm manner. Nope. Mr. Gessen is either adored or reviled, and that’s where the critiques about his book stand too – all the contributing voices are absolutely opposed to one another.

So who is this Mr. Gessen anyway? Who cares? Mr. Gessen is a M.F.A. drop out from Syracuse University, and the editor for N + 1. As a literary magazine N + 1 exposes all the hackneyed writers of the world. Yippee. Gawker.com mockingly describes it as the “most important literary magazine of our time.” N + 1 sees itself as such, i.e. “mind blowingly intellectual,” and Gawker simply can’t help but invert such a problematic claim. Gessen’s personality, as well as this literary magazine, is throwing a wrench into my earlier comments that relate to Mr. Neyfakh’s article about Ms. Crosley’s supposedly fresh presence in the New York literary scene. Read More »

I love Gawker. I really do. They get the best emails.

Like this one, a three day “New York at Christmas” itinerary sent by a local new yorker to some out-of-town friends.

At first glance, the detailed activities sound fun (even though the writer of the itinerary seems A) kinda controlling and B) permanently hyped up on Red Bull), but any long time resident of this city can tell you that participating in Traditional New York Christmas Time Tourist Stuff is actually less about “fun” and more about “depression, fear, anger, and rage”.

To help illustrate, I’ve made some translations (in bold) about certain suggested activities detailed in the Gawker’s smuggled letter:

• “There is typically parking on my street. If not, there is a parking lot next to my building that does parking by the day. I want to say it’s under $15. I can find out for sure if that interests you.” – Inexplicably, you will end up spending $150 by the end, that is, if you don’t accidentally get too close to a fire hydrant, which will push the total parking expenses up to $300.

• “Pack as little as possible, there is NOT a lot of space!” – Dude, my apartment can hardly accommodate me. Hope you’re not Claustro! Read More »

Every college has it. The weird course. The bizarre experiment class that must have gotten okayed after the faculty meeting wine (and possibly weed) came out. The course everyone wants to take because it can’t possibly be studied for.

Liberal Arts schools are famous for these types of classes. Being a graduate of a Liberal A. myself, I made sure to take every weird course I could find. Every class with a half-written syllabus, opened ended final, or that was team-taught—I took. And let me tell you, those were some of the best wasted hours of my college career.

Wesleyan, one of the “Most Annoying Liberal Arts Schools” out there, currently has one of the best examples of a weird course I’ve heard in a long time. The reason this example is so good? It’s explanation is as pretentious as it’s description is redonkulous.

Course Name: Feet to the Fire: the Art and Science of Climate Change

Category: Biology
Cross Listed With: Dance

Description: As quoted by Gawker, the first lines of the course description are as follows: “Feet to the Fire is an intensive, interdisciplinary course that melds scientific and choreographic inquiry in pursuit of one of the most important topics facing society: climate change due to global warming”

Class Layout: “Classroom and laboratory sessions”, with a neighboring landfill acting as said laboratory. Read More »

Hooters? Depressing? You don’t say. All I’ve ever had to do was take a look at the horrible orange and white paint job adorning the outside of most Hooters restaurants to know those places are a bevy of bad taste and depression.

Oh yeah, and fifteen year olds.

In my town, Hooters was the place adolescent boys with fake IDs and too much cologne spent their Friday nights when no one their own age would date them.

Hooters was the place high school’s biggest assholes went to feel superior to women who would never look at them in real life, as well as the place a friend’s friend once tried to work at but quit after some perv threw a popcorn shrimp at her boobs.

In conclusion: Hooters is drenched in grossness. Read More »