It’s Barack O’MANIA!!

George Clooney’s inner dialogue

You know, sometimes I wonder what Amy Winehouse’s thoughts would sound like

Living Lohan preview. ‘Nough said.

SO. READY. FOR. INDIANA JONES.

Celebrity couples update: because I’m totally alone

Beer Pong 2.0–Gawker vs. CollegeHumor vs Facebook

I love everything that Richard Simmons stands for

Protect your banana–and tell your boyfriend to do the same!

Keith Gessen’s novel, All the Sad Young Literary Men, was recently published. As a result, it stirred up scathing critiques as well as praiseworthy remarks. From the host of reviews I’ve found (both on the internet and elsewhere), no one has responded in a purely lukewarm manner. Nope. Mr. Gessen is either adored or reviled, and that’s where the critiques about his book stand too – all the contributing voices are absolutely opposed to one another.

So who is this Mr. Gessen anyway? Who cares? Mr. Gessen is a M.F.A. drop out from Syracuse University, and the editor for N + 1. As a literary magazine N + 1 exposes all the hackneyed writers of the world. Yippee. Gawker.com mockingly describes it as the “most important literary magazine of our time.” N + 1 sees itself as such, i.e. “mind blowingly intellectual,” and Gawker simply can’t help but invert such a problematic claim. Gessen’s personality, as well as this literary magazine, is throwing a wrench into my earlier comments that relate to Mr. Neyfakh’s article about Ms. Crosley’s supposedly fresh presence in the New York literary scene. Read More »

I love Gawker. I really do. They get the best emails.

Like this one, a three day “New York at Christmas” itinerary sent by a local new yorker to some out-of-town friends.

At first glance, the detailed activities sound fun (even though the writer of the itinerary seems A) kinda controlling and B) permanently hyped up on Red Bull), but any long time resident of this city can tell you that participating in Traditional New York Christmas Time Tourist Stuff is actually less about “fun” and more about “depression, fear, anger, and rage”.

To help illustrate, I’ve made some translations (in bold) about certain suggested activities detailed in the Gawker’s smuggled letter:

• “There is typically parking on my street. If not, there is a parking lot next to my building that does parking by the day. I want to say it’s under $15. I can find out for sure if that interests you.” – Inexplicably, you will end up spending $150 by the end, that is, if you don’t accidentally get too close to a fire hydrant, which will push the total parking expenses up to $300.

• “Pack as little as possible, there is NOT a lot of space!” – Dude, my apartment can hardly accommodate me. Hope you’re not Claustro! Read More »

Every college has it. The weird course. The bizarre experiment class that must have gotten okayed after the faculty meeting wine (and possibly weed) came out. The course everyone wants to take because it can’t possibly be studied for.

Liberal Arts schools are famous for these types of classes. Being a graduate of a Liberal A. myself, I made sure to take every weird course I could find. Every class with a half-written syllabus, opened ended final, or that was team-taught—I took. And let me tell you, those were some of the best wasted hours of my college career.

Wesleyan, one of the “Most Annoying Liberal Arts Schools” out there, currently has one of the best examples of a weird course I’ve heard in a long time. The reason this example is so good? It’s explanation is as pretentious as it’s description is redonkulous.

Course Name: Feet to the Fire: the Art and Science of Climate Change

Category: Biology
Cross Listed With: Dance

Description: As quoted by Gawker, the first lines of the course description are as follows: “Feet to the Fire is an intensive, interdisciplinary course that melds scientific and choreographic inquiry in pursuit of one of the most important topics facing society: climate change due to global warming”

Class Layout: “Classroom and laboratory sessions”, with a neighboring landfill acting as said laboratory. Read More »

Hooters? Depressing? You don’t say. All I’ve ever had to do was take a look at the horrible orange and white paint job adorning the outside of most Hooters restaurants to know those places are a bevy of bad taste and depression.

Oh yeah, and fifteen year olds.

In my town, Hooters was the place adolescent boys with fake IDs and too much cologne spent their Friday nights when no one their own age would date them.

Hooters was the place high school’s biggest assholes went to feel superior to women who would never look at them in real life, as well as the place a friend’s friend once tried to work at but quit after some perv threw a popcorn shrimp at her boobs.

In conclusion: Hooters is drenched in grossness. Read More »

Kids in the Ivy Leagues must be huge brains, right? They must love to challenge themselves. Relish the competition and the long hours spent in the library spent pumping out the next big thing in organic chemistry.

Or maybe they’re just as lazy as everybody else.

The snarky little devils at Gawker recently stumbled across an email from a Yale junior named “Nick” which details (and I mean details. This is the longest email I’ve ever read in my life.) all the classes on campus that enable one to coast. Basically, “Nick” is all about helping his fellow students get an A without trying.

“Hopefully, all of us will be on the same page [regarding classes] so we won’t have to worry about having section with all those randos we have never met who talk funny.” Nick types in his email. “I mean, don’t you feel good when you show up to class on day one and you see a lot of baseball caps and blue and gray warmups. I know I do. I know I am home - at Yale, trying with all my might to not overexert myself.”

He goes on being hilarious (or douchey, depending on your humor gage) while decoding one particularly easy PolySci course entitled Public Opinion:

“Adam F Simon is probably the easiest professor at Yale…Basically, Adam F will complain to you about how network tv is retarded, people are retarded, and tell you random anecdotes about his dog, family, time at ucla, or his next book. You will know a lot of about current events if you show up. You will get an A even if you dont. This class generally migrates directly to the varsity weightroom [sic] right after letting out.” Read More »

• When you live in New York City things like this are a disappointing reality. Thank God there’s a hilarious video parodying it! (YouTube)

• Listen up incoming Freshmen: Think your parents are like, so totally annoying? At least your mother doesn’t write about all of your short-comings. In the New York Times. (Gawker)

• Leona Helmsley’s bitch is a total bitch. But damn if she isn’t rich as hell! (NY Daily News)

• We all know to carry Mace and not trust men in public places. So, what’s this I read about 1 in 3 of us totally dropping trou at a moments notice? Didn’t we all read this article? (Houston Chronicle)

• Courtney Love might get sued because she cares about her suicidal friend. Ugh. Let’s just all agree to never do drugs again, okay? (MTV UK)

• Senator Larry Craig got arrested and the police report is taken word for word to make a mock Dragnet spoof. Bravo MSNBC! (MSNBC)

I love Gawker.

They find the strangest shit to talk about. The random pieces of the internet super highway; lost Youtube tapes, celebrities falling down steps, out of place fashion shows for Darfur…really anything and everything you could ever want to know about New York City and the universe.

Every so often, they will even post a random email from a random person. These random slices of life are my favorite part, because everyone knows truth is crazier than fiction. Case in point:

An NYU student recently sent an email in about her random encounter with Cuba Gooding Jr. You know, that guy who won an Oscar and then went on to make a movie about sled dogs?

Anyway, this college student not only snuck herself into a top-secret celebrity party, but she also managed to find herself being drunkenly perused by Mr. Show-Me-The-Money himself. Who is married. With three kids.

“Cuba and I bonded over our love for Justin Timberlake” the mystery student writes, “and he’s dancing all up on me. Legit, Cuba’s crouch is up against me and he is grinding like it’s nobody’s business.” Read More »