I know that a lot of people like horror movies. I know this because a lot of people tell me they like horror movies, and also because Saw V is just about to hit theaters (the 5th installment of a plot that basically consists of scary machines and blood). There’s something about watching other humans scream in agony that a lot of people can’t get enough of — but I am not one of those people. I’ve never been one of those people. Since I came out of the womb, I have been scared to freaking death of horror movies.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Why.

5) When Things Pop Out In An Attempt To Scare, I Always Get Scared

I know that it’s like, part of the fun, or whatever, when the music suddenly swells and a creepy things pop up all creepy, or someone is grabbed ,or a face appears in a mirror, but that sh*t gives me a heart attack every time. I lose my breath and my heart flips out and then I get really violently angry. Like I want to punch the TV for doing that to me. I get scared and then I get pissed and then my whole day is ruined.

4) Weird Noises Always Happen Afterwards

Whether I’m back at my childhood home, in a dorm, or at my apartment, after watching (or accidentally watching) a horror movie, weird noises will keep me awake all night. It never ceases to amaze me that it happens every single time. The wood creaks, my closet door won’t shut all the way, something scurries across the floor…my bedroom isn’t haunted until I watch a scary movie. Then it’s haunted. Totally, Ghostbusterly, haunted. Read More »

I hate Halloween. I have always hated Halloween. One of the first pictures anyone ever took of me is in a pumpkin costume at age 4, crying my eyes out. I don’t hate other people who like Halloween, but the holiday itself makes me so pissed that when prompted to write a Halloween article I refused to write a positive one.

So if you want to hear about why Halloween rocks you should go somewhere else because I f*cking hate it and I’m about to make you hate it too by listing some reasons why it’s terrible and should be canceled.

Costumes: Yah, I said it. F*ck costumes. I have never trusted motherf*ckers in costumes. Why are you wearing that? People in costumes can do anything they want, and often do on Halloween, because it’s basically the official Holiday for burglary and assault.  That’s really what I want, a day where it’s impossible to spot criminals because everyone is wearing a godd*mn mask.

I don’t even like people at Disneyland and sh*t wearing costumes. Ask any nerd which day was the worst in high school and I guarantee you that Halloween is up near the top of the list. “I sure wish I knew who was beating the sh*t of out me right now, beyond ‘guy in gas mask’ and ‘guy in hockey mask!’”

Additionally, wearing costumes is probably the most uncomfortable thing ever. It’s hot and you can’t hear sh*t and you can’t run away from other people in costume without making a ridiculous shuffling noise. F*ck costumes. Unless you’re on a stage or in a movie, no costumes ever. Street performers shouldn’t be allowed to wear costumes. No one. EVER. Read More »

As summer bleeds into autumn, and the school- work comes piling in, we are rapidly approaching Halloween - the first excuse to throw a huge party since Welcome Week.

Sure, Halloween might be, as Cady Heron puts it, “the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it,” but it’s also the basis for urban legends on college campuses across the country.

You might have outgrown ghost stories in high school, but many college students seriously believe the legends and lore that shroud their school, and swear that they have experienced a haunting somewhere on campus.

Hollow Hill, one of the internet’s oldest and most respected paranormal info centers, claims that college campuses are actually prime locations for hauntings and poltergeists. According to the site, “Poltergeist events most often occur when there is someone between ages eight and 25 nearby.” With tens of thousands of students falling into the 18-22 age bracket, this certainly fits the mold. Read More »

So, three weeks later, I’m still recovering from the worst. surgery. of. my. LIFE.  I can walk and sleep without wanting to die, but sitting for long periods is hell on a few fractured ribs and one which only half-exists, so I’m still spending most of my time lying on my side, watching TV or reading.

I have been reading some great books, but I’ve also been watching some horrible television.  Seriously, people.  There are shows dedicated to moving walls with holes in them and the jumpsuit-clad morons who try to jump through.  There are shows that obviously employ monkeys to write their dialogue.  There are shows that are politically based and hours long and amount to nothing!  Even HBO and Showtime can’t save me, because besides a few great series, the movies they show during the day should never have been made in the first place.

But wait!  There is some salvation - in the form of lesser known networks and their even lesser(er?) known shows.  Shows that are fantastic but rarely seen by the normal person.  Let me use my time on the couch to your benefit and educate you on the Top 5 Shows You Don’t Know Exist But Are Awesome.

Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations (Travel Channel): We’ve featured Bourdain a few times on our site, mostly because he’s an OGIF  (Old Guy I’d Like To…).  But here’s the thing, his show is actually awesome.  Unlike a lot of TV cooks, Bourdain seems to fully understand what it is to apreciate all types of food, and is pretty fearless when it comes to A) traveling around the world and B) eating random things from random places.

Bourdain isn’t interested in comfortable hotels and beaches, he wants the raw and real experience of each place he visits.  Because of this, No Reservations tends to be less about weird food and more about the people of this world; how different we are, and how weirdly the same.  Bourdain’s narration is funny, deep, and often pretty badass…plus?  He can’t stand Rachel Ray. Obviously, the guy knows what’s what in this world. Read More »

Sometimes, we have meetings with the boys from Coed. Content meetings, phone meetings, meetings about how those bag dresses everyone is wearing are hella ugly…I mean, we like meetings.

A few days ago, we had a phone meeting. We had our pens and paper out, ready to take detailed notes, but the phone meeting got kind of boring, and no one really wrote anything down. Except this:

Safe to say, we know how to keep it real in the office.

Ah, November. The banging pipes above my head at 4 AM signify that it is indeed fall, no matter how warm it was a few weeks ago.

Now that we’re safely into our fall school schedules, fall sweaters, and fall sleeping patterns (staying up too late doing work, waking up too early to go to class), I think its high time to share a few of my favorite televised reasons to push away that term paper.

In no particular order of awesomeness:

• Chuck – Monday nights at 8/7 central, NBC – It’s very rare that a TV show makes me laugh out loud on purpose (I mean…Caveman? That just hilariously awful), but every week that I tune in, Chuck manages to make me chuckle.

The Mild-Mannered-Geek-Turned-Superspy plot allows for lots of explosions and cool fights, but it’s the interpersonal relationships between Chuck and the people around him that make this series truly pop.

Whether he’s stumbling awkwardly around his hot co-spy Sarah, dodging his sister’s (and lovably odd boyfriend’s) questions, or dealing with fellow nerd Morgan, Chuck’s life is never boring—so neither is the show.

Joshua Gomez stands out as the entertainingly awkward Morgan, and Adam Baldwin wins points for making his tough as nails spy John Casey funny when it counts most. As chuck’s sister, Sarah Lancaster is stable and adorable, while Yvonne Starhovski plays hot-spy-masquerading-as-a-wiener-girl Sarah with poise and just enough charm to be likable.

While everyone in the cast carries their own comedic weight, Zachary Levi is definitely a primo reason to watch Chuck in the first place. Read More »