I think global warming is an issue, but I still drive my Rav4. I hate animal cruelty, but I think I have a fur SOMETHING in my closet. I bitch about politics, but I still don’t think I voted last time around.

Yet somehow, this Paris Hilton 3 day county-funded vacation really pisses me off. SO, in my attempt to be proactive about something for once, I did some searching. Below, you will find the email addresses of the LA County Board of Supervisors. You will also recognize them as new members of the Hilton Family “Fruit of the Month Club.”

zev@bos.lacounty.gov; molina@bos.lacounty.gov; seconddistrict@bos.lacounty.gov; don@bos.lacounty.gov; fifthdistrict@lacbos.org

I have even taken the liberty of formatting it for you, complete with semi-colons - i know…dedication! Again, not looking for the death penalty, just think fair-is-fair and little Miss Simple Life should sit in jail and not by her pool. It was drunk driving. I don’t need to rant on the statistics of drunk driving fatalities - but if I see Paris on a MADD PSA - I might go bat-shit insane.

Yep. I’ve done it. And that’s all the detail I’m willing to disclose.

But let’s talk about this precarious position for a second because yea, it feels pretty good, but it’s also a tough one to maneuver. First of all, you’ve got placement to consider — if you aren’t careful, someone could get a knee or foot in the face and that’s a real mood killer. So being smooth is pretty major.

Once you’ve made it down there successfully, you’re faced with a penis (which can be uncomfortable and/or scary). And as things get going you have to concentrate on getting him off while he’s trying to, for lack of a better/cooler word, pleasure you. Honestly, that’s hard to do when you’re probably a little self-conscious that you’re both getting so up-close-and-personal, not to mention trying to enjoy what’s happening.

To make things a little easier here are some tips (hey, I’m no expert, I’m just going by what I’ve “heard“). Read More »