We haven’t heard much from Michael Phelps since he won 8 gold medals, bombed on SNL, starred in some Rosetta Stone commercials, and got a stripper girlfriend. So here he is. In all his hot body glory. Because he’s so much hotter when he’s not talking. Or trying to act.

As I watched the world’s best athletes compete in the Olympics last night I began to regret never getting involved in sports growing up. At 5’10 I could have dominated the basketball/volleyball courts. I could have used my backyard swimming pool to hone my backstroke. I could have viewed my bike as more than just a means to get to the nearest ice cream shop.

But, just because I don’t know how to dive off of a really high platform or do flips on some uneven bars doesn’t mean that I, too, am not the best at something. I have some talents too, and they should not be shunned just because I can’t bring them to Beijing.

So, I give you the 5 Sports I Would Win a Gold In (If They Were Included In The Olympics):

1. Cake Eating: With or without hands, I would totally take the cake (Ha!) in this event. I have a big mouth (to the chagrin of my mother and the glee of my men) that allows me to store massive quantities of cake and frosting goodness. I also happen to be able to seriously pack food away (which allowed me to excel in another sport: weight gain), so there is no stopping me in this competition. Read More »

I’ll be honest; before the Olympics started last week, I didn’t think much of Michael Phelps. I knew he was some amazing swimmer, but who cares about swimming, anyway? In the U.S. it is all about football, baseball and fried foods, baby. And all those people talking about how super duper sexy he was? Yeah, I just didn’t agree.

But then the games began (and Michael put on a swim cap/Speedo) and I began to see what everyone else was talking about. I mean - this guy was looking good. Really good. Like, “I kinda sorta (read: totally) wanna do him” good. He is pretty much as close to perfect as any man can get.

Don’t agree? Here are 5 Reasons Why I Want to Do The Breast Stroke (see how I made a swimming term into something sexual? Yeah, I’m that good) With Michael Phelps:

He’s Got Moves: Maybe it’s just me, but when I watch Phelps dive off the platform and do that little mermaid move….well, I can only think dirty, naughty things. He knows how to use his body well and I have a feeling that little move would work wonders both in and out of the pool.

He Loves His Mama: There is nothing more attractive than a guy who loves his mother. Not only is that the sweetest thing ever, but it means is going to respect you and treat you well, too. Read More »

We are big fans of the Olympics. Seriously, the amount of time and dedication (drink!) the athletes commit to their sport is admirable. And all that talent; it really does make us proud.

But watching the Olympics also makes us feel sorta crappy about our own performance. Some of us spend the entire day at our computers in sweatpants eating bag after bag of chips (me). Others split our time between class (25%) and the bar (75%). We couldn’t get to the Olympics if we tried…really hard.

That doesn’t mean we can’t dream. We asked everyone at CollegeCandy which sport they would want to compete in. Maybe this will motivate them to get off the couch and start training…or not. Watching is fine too.

Kathryn S.: I would want to be an Olympic gymnast, not for the gold, but for all the crazy party tricks I could perform at keg parties… and for all the tricks I could do after the party. Wink, wink.

Kate Bean - NYU: If I had my choice, I’d definitely compete in the male soccer tournaments. Screw logic/rules… those guys are HOT.

Carly - Grinnell: Tennis! I would melt of happiness (and probably literally melt in the Beijing heat) if I got to play alongside Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer.

Suzie – George Washington University: I would want to bring back tug of war (1900-1920) just for the sake of watching Olympians slide through the mud pit of shame– and hearing commentators give blow by blows of the crucial moments.

Olua: Equestrian, hands f**king down. Only a horse-person could understand how amazing some of those guys (and I guess the riders, too) are. And it’s the only sport where I get to brag that I practiced with my pet. What do I have to lose? …I mean, aside from broken bones and concussions from falling or getting thrown. But I could cope! Read More »

I have to say – last night’s episode of Project Runway brought back feelings of happier times. Times when the contestants were funny and talented and I actually enjoyed watching.

Yeah, I’ll say it: I laughed out loud. And it felt good.

And, being that last night’s episode was all about the Olympic games, I decided it was only fitting to choose an MVP. And, quite obviously, it is going to Blayne and his many hilaaaarious one-liners:

“Other people go to the gym. I go tanning.”
“The Olympics are HUMUNGOUS! SO big. Thousands and millions and billions of people. Heck yeah I’m going for the Gold!”
“In tanning, I’m an Olympic athlete. It only goes to Bronze medal.”
“I just don’t do the Beatles…Sorry Ringo.”

I know he seems to be melting due to his lack of tanning, but I think it makes me like him more. And he has all those bright 80’s Hyper Color t-shirts; he’ll get through it. Oh, and he is MVP purely for what he says. His design sucked. Read More »