The 2009 Golden Globe nominations are in.

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Alright, Johansson, we’re gonna throw down, right here, RIGHT NOW.

Look, when you stepped out at the 2006 Golden Globes in that red dress that made me hate myself for a month, I said nothing. I sucked it up, bought a bra with gel inserts, and went on a diet.

When you became Woody Allen’s newest muse, stumbling through his manic dialogue with 34% accuracy, I let it go. Nobody can really do Woody Allen’s dialogue, so it was fine that you sucked.

And a few months ago, when I learned you were releasing an album of Tom Waits covers, I bit my tongue and pretended the idea of you attempting to understand the complicated, weather-beaten genius that is Mr. Waits didn’t feel like a dull spoon digging into my brain.

But this, THIS is too much. Dating Reynolds for only a year, and then somehow getting him to propose to you?! I’m not sure if you knew this, Scarlet, but after he and Alanis split, he was so slated to start dating me.

Whatever. All I have to say is watch your back. Especially if you come to New York City and happen to stumble into a dark alleyway in the East Village. Because I’ll be there.

…Right after I dismantle my R.R shrine and cry for a full 24 hours.

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With the cancellation of the Golden Globes and the uncertain fate of the upcoming awards season, you have to take red carpet looks anywhere you can find them. Last night’s 13th Annual Critics Awards brought out a spattering of stars and pseudo-celebs… some dressed to the 9’s, most to the 6’s or 7’s.

Take a look at Monday night’s meager red carpet fashion offerings and vote for you favorites after the jump. Read More »

With the writer’s strike still going strong, the WGA has denied invitations to prepare material for the Golden Globes on January 13 and the Oscars in February. If both events didn’t seem crappy enough last time, they should be craptacular this time around.

(See what happens when you don’t get pros to make jokes for you?)

This situation raises a red flag for the Oscars in particular. With Jon Stewart returning as host it’s assumed that he will have to “wing it” without any writer’s assistance. Sure, Stewart can handle a fair share of improvisation - but an entire show? That’s a tall order. Read More »