As if it wasn’t hard enough to weed out all the sketchies at the bar already, we now have something else to be suspicious of. His phone number.Well, not the actual number, but what he writes it on.

There’s no doubt in my mind that the creator of these Custom Fake Receipts must be some, graduated college in nine years Van-Wilder-type frat boy living off Daddy’s money ‘til he struck it rich thanks to the desperate-for-female-attention market he once was so proudly a part of. (You know those guys that will do absolutely anything to get in your pants?)

These counterfeit ATM slips have an agonizingly pathetic purpose. The gameplan? Mr. I-Used-Four-Bottles-of-Gel-to-Get-My-Hair-Like-This actually succeeds in buying some innocent girl enough drinks to get her nice and sloppy, and just when her beer goggles have set in just right, (he looks more like James Marsden than James Gandolfini all of a sudden) he whips out one of these slips. Read More »

Have you heard the rumors? Nicole Richie might be pregnant. With that ugly guy’s baby. What’s his name? Joel “My Face Looks Like Someone Punched It Repeatedly” Madden.

The two have only been together a few months, but sources are saying that Nicole definitely has one in the oven, and might have just done so to keep herself out of jail.

What? you say, that’s a horrible reason to have a baby! You say that because you’re a rational human being with a tight grip on reality. Ms. Richie is not like you. She has a famous dad and lots of money and spends her time doing nothing. She’s also facing jail time for a DWI arrest that happened earlier this year. Dealing with consequences is not on her agenda—it’s too full of doing nothing—and since she’s removed from the normalcy you and I inhabit every day, having a baby to stay out of jail probably seems like a fantastic idea.

What do you think, lovelies? Is Nicole spoiled enough to have herself a Keep-Me-Out-Of-Jail baby? Or is it just media speculation?